Are you sure you want to exit? Your progress will be lost.
Who are you caring for?
Which best describes their mobility?
How well are they maintaining their hygiene?
How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
Which best describes your loved one's social life?
Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
✔
I acknowledge and authorize
✔
I consent to the collection of my consumer health data.*
✔
I consent to the sharing of my consumer health data with qualified home care agencies.*
*If I am consenting on behalf of someone else, I have the proper authorization to do so. By clicking Get My Results, you agree to our Privacy Policy. You also consent to receive calls and texts, which may be autodialed, from us and our customer communities. Your consent is not a condition to using our service. Please visit our Terms of Use. for information about our privacy practices.
Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
Remember, this assessment is not a substitute for professional advice.
Share a few details and we will match you to trusted home care in your area:
I am in my mid-70s, and my partner mid-80s. Neither of us has children, and so the "option" of thinking we'll move in with kids and be taken care of isn't available to us. We made our own decision to move to senior independent living, and we are glad we did it now instead of waiting. Moving does not get easier with time. The fact is, we couldn't take care of the house, and our nutrition was suffering.
I wish more adult children with aging parents would stop making promises about their parents' care. It is often unrealistic. We have seen what it does to families when the working adults, especially the women, have to care for their parents as well as their own children.
If your parents have sufficient assets to pay for their own care in independent or assisted living, it would be far better for them to make that move while they can still adjust. No one has to be lonely in senior living. There are plenty of social activities if they are interested, and if not, they are not forced to go.
You just listed everything I wanted to say. The hardest part was the first weeks of moving my mother to a retirement home. It was her decision to move, but it was still heavy for me as I didn't want her to feel like I was abandoning her. But in time, we all do adjust! It does get better. Seeing how happy she is right now, I'm glad I had the courage to follow what she wanted.
This article is extremely helpful. We made a sudden move after Mom had a near-death experience with severe sun stroke. She's 93, went outside at noon in a hot climate to plant some little plants in her yard, got down on the ground and couldn't get up but didn't want to bother anyone. She passed out before she knew she was in serious trouble and lay on the hot cement alone for 10 hours. Days of intensive care and hospitalization and rehab followed, and we moved her swiftly to an independent living community down the hall from my brother. She agreed initially, but she's so sad now. I wish we could have moved more slowly, but none of us can drop everything to give her the care she needs, and she was expressing great loneliness in the days before this happened. I searched the Internet for some thoughts on dealing with her grief and found this site. Thankful! I plan to stand firm on the move. Escrow closes on her home at the end of the month, which I told her (when she asked) yesterday. This has triggered her wish to leave. I'm trying not to spin down her rabbit hole with her! She is nearly blind although otherwise healthy. We will help her in every way possible to continue to do the things she loves--mostly cooking--but we need her to be safe and not alone.
Afree having my Dad living with me for 13 years, I had to place my Dad in a nursing home. The very next day lockdown due to Covid started. I've been able to see him once a week for 20 minutes, at a distance. A few times only through a window. The rules change often and I completely understand. But it's awful. On every level. I have never been inside, other than the front desk, so I have no idea what his room is like. There aren't even photos online. It's heartbreaking. Dad had a fall, was sent to the hospital at the beginning and then suffered from Covid. The fear and guilt one feels is devastating, even though I KNOW placing Dad was the only safe option. Covid has made this so much harder. And it's a virus so you can't even blame anyone. My heart goes out to all of us in this situation and I pray we can soon hug our loved ones and see them smile without a mask. Please everyone, wear your mask, wash your hands, keep your distance- we all have to work together to end this virus. I'm thankful for everyone here sharing their lives and hearts and wisdom. It helps knowing we aren't alone.
I had to remove my mom (who has dementia) from an apartment she shared w/my abusive brother. She's on meds to help with depression, but she keeps wanting to "find him" & expects to reunite with him. Just 2 months into living with us, My marriage is definitely strained. She's very capable, and stubborn, and altho declared incapacitated medically, refuses assisted living. I can't afford to get guardianship. She is very much in denial about needing more than I can provide, especially socialization. I feel guilty, since I was responsible for bringing her in our home and it's more than we can handle.
Dear Ms. Bursack: I found your article above randomly via google this morn and, upon reading it, felt as though you were writing to me personally. Thank you for this. My four siblings and I have been trying to encourage our parents, now early 80's, to sell their home and move to a condo for over 10 years. We knew we wanted them to do so prior to a future point in time when they would no longer be able either physically or mentally to do so and in order prevent the emotional trauma of leaving "the house that built us" - children, grandchildren, great-grandchildren". It's now been three generations of babies and baptisms, confirmations and college graduations, weddings with some do-overs, prayers of thanks and prayers of need, and 40 years of Christmas trees and when everyone takes as a given that "dinner is after children's mass at mom's, bring your fam because all are welcome". My parents are stalking the walls of their own home in the middle of the night touching the walls of four decades of memories. I don't know how to help their sadness and mourning. I'm trying to get them to think positively and enthusiastically about this move, but I'm failing. I'm 100% sure that their sadness is not just the homestead, but the realization that they are nearing the end of their time on earth. Any thoughts or links you might know of to help?
Hi All, I feel for all of you. My mom just moved into a Christian Retirement Center. It has all levels; Independent Living, Assisted Living, Skilled Nursing. My mom is currently at the Independent Living stage of her life. So, today is now Day 10. She is not adjusting to her new life, well understood. She called me at midnight day 2 and 3. I am cleaning out her old rented place, and brought her some stuff she wanted on Sunday, June 7, She told me she cannot live there anymore. So I responded so where will you go? Her answer? A shelter! Really? I was so upset I told her she was very very ungrateful. Since June 7 I have not returned her phone calls or talked with her. It has been said it is best to leave them alone for a week or two so they can start their new life. But I FEEL GUILTY! The nurses completely understand my motive, but it's kill in' me. I do not know what else I can do...Help?
Has anyone thought of using a company called "Home Instead Senior Care"? I have worked for them as a care giver, friend, and housekeeper, for an elderly person (or someone who is injured and home from the hospital) so that they could stay in their home. Now that I'm 70, but in really good health, I may have that need someday.
My independent elderly mother refuses to even discuss her future living arrangements when the time comes. She assumes she will move in with me and my husband. She will not hire anyone to come in and help with some of the things she needs help with. She is financially secure, but wants to spend the money on things that she wants and not that she needs. Her words, "It's my money and I will spend it the way I want to". I cannot force her to move to assited living and moving in with me is not an option. I live 35 miles away and work so helping her is limited. I have durable power of attorney, but it is useless at the moment, she is competent to make her own decisions. What do you do when a stubborn elderly mother only lives for the moment with the wait and see attitude about her life?
It sounds like you have fulfilled your promise to do everything you could to keep her home. I hope that you do feel good about that. You have done that and when you have done all you can do then you have done it all. Not all nursing homes are bad. So, I hope you can find a good one for her that takes medicaid.
My Dad was so ill and Mom could not care for him and we had to put him into a nursing home. After paying most of their savings, Dad died from neglect..... his waste from his diaper, they did not like changing, leaked into his huge bedsore on his back. We are not people who sue, therefore we did nothing. I promised Mom I would do everything I could to keep her home and out of a disgusting home. Now she is in need of care and I cannot do it alone. I will run out of money after 6 months for outside help and I will have no choice but to look at nursing homes for which she will qualify for medicaid. I know the care is no different for medicaid patients or those paying as we did for Dad. I am so tormented that I will not forfill my promise and it is making me sick.
Interesting article. Both my parents decided early on to settle in a retirement community. I guess I'm lucky for not going through the trouble of moving my elderly parents. It also helped that they're within two hours driving distance away from where we live, from NY to Alden Place in Lebanon Pa.
I feel for you. I live alone however my sister, her husband, and their two TEENAGE children have lived my my mom for some 20 years. They have torn her house down from top to bottom and on October 26th 2009, my mom had a stroke. She just turned 90 years old December 26th 2009. When my mom had the stroke I wasn't working so I stayed there 24/7 taking care of my mom. I finally asked my sister, (right after they told me on November 17th 2009 that they were going to Morongo for her Birthday) that whe had no plans to stop working. That meant ME. I enlisted some help and got someone to come in 2 days whom my mom has grown very dependent upon (which I dislike). I'm 53, my sister is 9 yrs younger than me, and I had literally abandoned my apartment to be with my mom and just got burned out.
I am not a professional however I'm trying to enlist another care giver as this one we have totally talks too much and butts into our business entirely too much. My mom cannot do anything for herself. She's got very bad arthritis and to top it off she's 90. Whe's got her witts about her but I do think a little dimensia is setting in.
All I know is that I cannot do it alone because it is overwhelming. I don't have answers and will look here for responses but it does take a lot of prayer. If my sister cannot help out more I will have to put my mom somewhere because I just can't do it. I don't feel bad though because I've done so so much however they become argumentative and nothing is ever enough.
My mom has a big savings, and I applied for medical for her but if it doesn't go through I will use every dime on her to keep her as best as I can. I have 2 sons. One's going into the Navy and the other (21) still needs moms help so I've got to help him to get on his feet. It's a lot taking care of a parent and I just often wonder what it is they are thinking when they look deep into our eyes, and still have a spacey look on their faces. We love our parents, but it will overcome you and eat you inside out.
I kept my mom in her own home until she reached late stage dementia. I have had to place her in a nursing home with a dementia unit over the past 2 weeks. It has been gut-wrenching for both of us. But she finally reached the point in her decline, where she did not recognize the home as her own, and tried to run away to where she lived as a child. Now, she is in a safe place, and adjusting. She likes being fed and cared for. She is on appropriate medication for her condition, but she really doesn't know where she is or what is happening. I'm not sorry that I kept her in her own home until the last minute. I am grateful that nothing happened to her, (although I had lots of agency support to keep her there). But for anyone making this decision to put their parent in a nursing home, my heart goes out. We're all still trying to have a merry Christmas, but it's hard.
Reikibev
(1)
Report
Success!
One of our advisors will contact you soon to connect you with trusted sources for care in your area.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
16 Comments
First Oldest
First
The Emotional Toll of Moving Your Elderly Parent to Senior Living
I wish more adult children with aging parents would stop making promises about their parents' care. It is often unrealistic. We have seen what it does to families when the working adults, especially the women, have to care for their parents as well as their own children.
If your parents have sufficient assets to pay for their own care in independent or assisted living, it would be far better for them to make that move while they can still adjust. No one has to be lonely in senior living. There are plenty of social activities if they are interested, and if not, they are not forced to go.
I feel for all of you. My mom just moved into a Christian Retirement Center. It has all levels; Independent Living, Assisted Living, Skilled Nursing. My mom is currently at the Independent Living stage of her life. So, today is now Day 10. She is not adjusting to her new life, well understood. She called me at midnight day 2 and 3. I am cleaning out her old rented place, and brought her some stuff she wanted on Sunday, June 7, She told me she cannot live there anymore. So I responded so where will you go? Her answer? A shelter! Really? I was so upset I told her she was very very ungrateful. Since June 7 I have not returned her phone calls or talked with her. It has been said it is best to leave them alone for a week or two so they can start their new life. But I FEEL GUILTY! The nurses completely understand my motive, but it's kill in' me. I do not know what else I can do...Help?
I am not a professional however I'm trying to enlist another care giver as this one we have totally talks too much and butts into our business entirely too much. My mom cannot do anything for herself. She's got very bad arthritis and to top it off she's 90. Whe's got her witts about her but I do think a little dimensia is setting in.
All I know is that I cannot do it alone because it is overwhelming. I don't have answers and will look here for responses but it does take a lot of prayer. If my sister cannot help out more I will have to put my mom somewhere because I just can't do it. I don't feel bad though because I've done so so much however they become argumentative and nothing is ever enough.
My mom has a big savings, and I applied for medical for her but if it doesn't go through I will use every dime on her to keep her as best as I can. I have 2 sons. One's going into the Navy and the other (21) still needs moms help so I've got to help him to get on his feet. It's a lot taking care of a parent and I just often wonder what it is they are thinking when they look deep into our eyes, and still have a spacey look on their faces. We love our parents, but it will overcome you and eat you inside out.
Reikibev