Always is when I go away for the weekend with my family...
You can guarantee when I come back he's "been ill". EVERY TIME. So I phoned him - first sentence "I've been ill". Like its my fault because I went away!
STILL not taking all his medication that the GP gave him so I offer ZERO sympathy. Basically, wants me to tell him how he can feel better - "Take the meds the GP has given you Dad, if that fails then go an see you're GP but I'm not a doctor."
His words - "I desperately need you to visit the weekend." "I've got no food in the house" (Brother lives literally 5 mins drive from him - I live 35-40 mins. Brother is probably laying low). Anyway, he knows my car is in the garage so I'm struggling for transport and he knows my wife works weekends so may need our other car. So I tell him I can't promise. Anyone would have thought I'd told him I'd murdered the family next door.
Apparently, I'm "letting him down" and "need to arrange something", and "wife needs to understand". Of course the standby offer of home delivery groceries is not good enough - he doesn't want to spend the £30 minimum - they have to be hand delivered by me!
I've tried setting boundaries, I've said no can do, I've tried ignoring, I've tried just not doing. Give him his due he's relentless in his quest to get me to do what he wants!
Keep setting those boundaries. Just because he keeps asking doesn't mean you have to give in. Feel free to say, "I've got to go" and hang up when he starts laying on the guilt.
When he says he is ill, you can say he can call the doctor or 911 if is an emergency. Then say you are going to hang up so he has the phone free to call :).
I've read that it can be helpful to have scheduled calls and visits, and stick to those, ignoring the other calls. And hang up or leave if he starts the guilt thing again.
You called after you got back. He said
" I've been ill".
What is your response.?
Dad, I'm sorry to hear that. What was wrong? Did you ring the doctor?
If he dismisses those questions and goes on to demand yourboresence you say " No dad. I won't be able to do that. You can call other brother or have groceries brought in. Which will it be?
If he continues to demand you say " I'm sorry dad but I can't show up. I've other things on. Like I said, you have other choices here. " And then you hang up (ring off as you would say).
Have you been in touch with the folks who arranging his care as CM suggested a few weeks back?
"No" is a complete sentence. If you must elaborate, tell him you're working on the car.
"Legs are aching" - hes had two knee replacements and has got arthritis.
"Feel tired" - hes got blood problems takes warfarin.
To be honest, hes been to the doctor probably about 50 times to moan about said symptoms over the years. They now basically just repeat the diagnosis they've given him and ask him if he takes the meds hes been prescribed (he doesnt).
In the past, hes told me he can't breathe, cant get out of bed, can hardly speak on the phone. I get to his house and suddenly he can speak perfectly fine, slight sniffle. The longer I'm there the better his health gets - its amazing! In the end he tends to forget hes supposed to be ill.