On My Mind

Do you believe that others feel bitterness toward you when the Patient chooses you over them to be their caretaker when they are passing away. I am confused , and kind of hurt. I have 3 people who came to me. My Mother-in Law wanted to be in my home with grandchildren, (I understand that one) My Aunt Bern, she had 5 children, many grandchildren and yet she was only comfortable with me, i believe that she did not want her family to see her pass away , last memory of her or to painful for them. Anyway as time passed my brother Tyler had a Doctor appoint to see a specialist out of town and he needed me to drive him and be there also. During that week my Aunt was not doing very good , she seemed to be at the end of her life, she reassured me to go and she would be ok,,not to worry,,just go and ill be right here.,, but i asked my brother to reschedule for the following week which he did. To my surprise my aunt felt a lot better, the entire family was called in the night before thinking she was passing, but she spruced up and was good. The hospital transferred her to hospice, she was talking ,,eating,,loving the outside patio and the view, all was great. My aunt reminded me to get my brother to his appointment, she said i love you and ill be ok,,,dont worry..so The day to take my brother to toronto came and my aunt was doing excellent so I was felling good to leave her. Tuesday 3pm At my brothers Appointment standing in the examining room, the doctor comes in at the same tim my phone rang ,,, my Aunt passed away. My take away from that was We had become to close during last few mths a deeper bond was established ... Many many talks that we BOTH shared, Our fears,,beliefs,,private thoughts of her childhood and all good and bad memories thought her life. I started to show sadness of losing her. I believe that maybe she sensed it, perhaps it made her worry about the impact her death might do to me. I will never really know.
This Person was someone i met 4 years ago , fellow tenant. We became friends pretty quickly even though this person had mountains of friends,,always visiting her and actively in her life with a lot of drama..... two years into our friendship she became ill,,, she was a very Proud,strong,,no one tells her what to do,, Very stubborn,,would not get checked,,didn't like doctors or hospitals,, , so she avoided it. A year later she is still in pain but getting worse. At that time I had been tending to a matter out of town for a few months and did not know the severity of her condition. One day She went to hospital with a friend for test however zero patience and left before getting results. Apx a week later i was notified The hospital tried to contact her many times but she did not answer her phone. Following days became worse ,she was enduring more pain and eventually lost the ability to walk. I was back in town and approached by her friend that lives with her that she was in really bad shape and go to her now. I arrived at her place and saw her laying in her bed , she was covered in her own waste, with losing the ability to walk , couldnt get out of her bed ,,she had severe bed soars ,,.,,its was the saddest thing i have ever seen ,,so,,i immediately stepped in, didnt leave her side. after 7 days of pleading , and begging , she finally agreed , hospital time and a doctor, with conditions that i did not leave. Stage 4 Bone, Lung , Liver CANCER. She began treatment, lasted maybe 2 weeks but then all of a sudden showed up here at my apartment by cab. I do not know why she chose to come here. We were friends but she had Family 2 sisters ,much closer friends , friends she went o school with ,,grew up with,,new longer then me. So I do not understand why she came to me. I was touched and sat by her side til her last day. I love and miss her. How do dying people choose who they want in their last days and WHY?

@Hothouseflower

I had a bad experience with Sketchers too. I do love Capri though. Anywhere I've ever gone I always look at what the people who live in a place do for footwear. In Italy (Greece too) you'll see a lot of sandals. They're walking sandals. Not backless slides or flip-flops like you see here, but actual sandals made for walking. I bought several pairs of sandals and shoes in Italy. One pair of shoes I had custom made. Most of footware is old but still perfect. I did have a little work done on a couple pairs though.

Just before I left to go to Capri some years ago, I did some last minute shopping and bought a pair of pink Sketchers because they were cute. The sides did not have much support, they were not well made but they were inexpensive and cute. In hindsight they were not a walking shoe and I was stupid to buy them to do the amount of walking that we were planning on doing. I wore them the second night of our vacation and while walking to our room, my foot rolled to the side and I almost fell. I caught myself from falling, but heard and felt the bone snap in my foot.

That's how my the vacation from hell began.

Those were the last Sketchers I ever bought. I buy only Merrels these days. I am very careful about what shoes I wear now.

cwillie,

I could never wear Sketchers either. New Balance or Naturalizer brand for me. If you have wide feet or any kind of feet trouble these two brands will fit nice.

A mall store carried Sketchers years ago, and the sales clerk convinced me they were wide. Had to take them back.
That was when I learned I really did need to buy a "wide" sized shoe.

Used to buy Easy Spirit.

Looking now for "barefoot" style shoes, but not off the internet.

Castle, I bought a pair of Sketchers on clearance from Coldwater Creek in 2019 and I love them. They are very dilapidated but still so comfortable. I’ve bought a few others but still keep hoping the company will bring back that particular style.

I wish I could buy Sketchers but I haven't found any that fit right, I need wide shoes that will stand up to the miles I walk. Maybe I should go shoe shopping and check them out again.

Burnt: Right! DD sold $$$ of my clothes on consignment.

Since I'm trying to distract myself from probably having to take mom to the ER today for a chest x-ray (suspect pneumonia), I will go off topic to my new favorite shoes - Skechers!! I even found some flat, black, dressy looking ones that dress up jeans but don't look at all like sneakers. And the slip ins and memory foam sneakers are like walking on air. Got two pair on clearance BOGO 50% off came to $45!

I've loved the brand for a long time but that was the first time I'd been one of their stores, usually buy online. So impressed with the variety. After I checked out the cashier said "stay comfortable!" 😄

@Khrules

Thrift Hack: No, they're not. Wealthy people in retirement communities who can afford expensive designer things don't donate them to Goodwill. They have adult children and even grandchildren who sell that stuff on Poshmark, the RealReal, and through actual brick and mortar consignment stores. The only time you find something high-end designer or a piece of jewelry that's valuable in a thrift shop is if the person or persons who donated it didn't know it was valuable. Wealthy people know what they have and if they don't, their families certainly do.

Thrift Hack: Shop Goodwills in wealthy retirement areas. The finds are insane barely worn luxe for pennies.

MG8522.. Many still do! i wear a 0.5 in Chicos,,, I have to crack up at that one!

Hothouse, I have a closet full of Gloria Vanderbilt jeans in every color. I haven't bought any new in a few years but I loved finding a new shade, and could always match shirts and shoes/sneakers. I miss Payless because their shoes and sneakers fit so nicely and were so affordable that I could find colors that matched the GV jeans (which I would buy on sale from JCP or Kohls).

I don't know whether this still holds but for many years expensive designers would make their clothes larger than regular manufacturers so that wealthy and celebrity women could claim to be a size 2 or 4 when they were "really" a size or 6, for example -- still smaller than most of the general population.

@97yearoldmom

Don't ask AI anything because it's almost always wrong and full of sh*t. Want to know the reason why clothes (especially jeans) don't fit like they used to back in the day?

It's because they're not using true American sizing anymore. It's also super rare to find jeans that are 100% cotton like they're supposed to be. I still have Levi's from the late 1980's. They were 100% cotton had no "stretch" and you couldn't wear them out. They were also made in U.S.A. and true to American sizing. Same with shoes. One name brand like Levi's made be made in a dozen different countries so no two pairs are going to be the same size-wise. I have jeans ranging in size from a 10 to a 16 and they all fit. The AI is full of crap.

@Send

I can't imagine using cleaners that look and smell like food. No way. I don't use soap or hair products that look and smell like food either. That's gross. For bathroom 'spray' I use Pecksniff's from England. It comes in a glass bottle and is a pump. Two sprays and the bathroom smells fine. Never over powering and non-aerosol.

I hate laundry detergents and fabric softeners that have scents. And I hate the smell of Febreeze.

That sounds gross Send....kinda like pumpkin spiced shampoo.They have all these flavors of shampoo these days that I'd never want to use.
I like clean,plain and normal soaps and shampoos.

NOooooooo!
Limited Edition!!!
Shopping online in October
I found this:
Mr. Clean All Purpose
Spiced Harvest Multi-Surface Cleaner, 101 oz.

It is the color of maple syrup.

Do you r e a l l y want to clean with that?

I think I am going to lose my mind.....

cwillie, I was having this same thing today! I have jeans from a 12 to a 6! I have found it depends alot on the cut or style.. slim fit, loose fit.. obviously Some are slimmer and some are baggier! I am weeding them out and passing the larger ones to friends. We have all lost weight over the past few years so its a win win for all of us!

I like my Gloria Vanderbilt’s. They are cheap, they wear like iron and their sizing fits me perfectly. I have a drawerful of them and won’t need more for years.

CWillie,
I asked AI.

Here is exactly why your size 10, 12, and 14 jeans are breaking all the laws of logic:

1. The "Fabric Stack" Slicing Effect

In mass-production factories, denim panels are not cut one by one. Manufacturers stack dozens of layers of heavy denim on top of each other and cut through the entire stack at once using a massive, automated reciprocating blade. [1]

The top layers shift slightly outward and yield a larger cut of fabric.

The bottom layers get compressed down by gravity and the weight of the machine, yielding a narrower cut.

The result: Your size 12 was likely cut from the very top of a massive fabric stack, while your size 14was cut from the very bottom. Both are labeled with different sizes, but the physical pieces of fabric are practically inverted. [1]

2. The Allowable "Tolerance Discrepancy"

Major brands like Levi's openly acknowledge that they operate with an acceptable "tolerance window" for human and machine error during assembly. This window can allow a variance of up to one full inch (wider or narrower, longer or shorter) on identical tags. If your size 12 was stitched on the absolute maximum edge of the tolerance window, it can easily balloon past a standard size 14. [1, 2]

3. Elastane vs. Age (The Size 10 Miracle)

Your oldest pair fits perfectly because of two factors: shrinkage and fabric blend. Older denim styles from the Signature line often used heavier cotton with lower amounts of elastane (stretch). Over years of being washed and dried, that cotton has permanently molded and shrunk down specifically to your body's shape. Newer pairs rely heavily on synthetic stretch blends that feel looser off the rack and lack the tight hold of classic denim. [1, 2, 3, 4]

4. Different Sub-Styles or "Rises"

Even within the Walmart "Signature" line, there are distinct cuts (e.g., Bootcut, Straight, Skinny, Totally Shaping) and different rises (High Rise vs. Mid Rise). [1, 2]

A Mid Rise size 14 is meant to sit lower on your hips. When you fill the pockets, gravity pulls them down past your hips because they don't lock into your natural waistline. [1]

A High Rise size 12 is patterned to clear your hips entirely and fasten at your narrowest point. If it doesn't grip your waist, it will instantly collapse, requiring a belt to keep it suspended. [1]

I have 3 pairs of Levis Signature jeans from Walmart - the oldest is a size 10 that fits perfectly, another is a size 14 that are fine but tend to slide down when my pockets are full, and then there's the size 12 that is so huge they need a belt to stay up (obviously didn't try those on before buying). Make it make sense!

I’m sorry about your friend, Ali. That was a real shock. I hope her treatment works.

We don’t know what tomorrow brings to ourselves or to others .. One day at a time is all we’ve got.

Random thought, as I was reading through the past 15 or so comments here: I have a once-best friend who lives 5-6 hours away and has been busy for years and years raising her son, growing her garden, working her career, and generally living her life. We haven't been in touch much for the past 10 years, though she was very supportive when I was struggling during caregiving and sent me a couple of fun gift packages.

I reached out to her recently and learned she'd been diagnosed with an aggressive and highly fatal cancer. It's been treated, and she may recover—too soon to tell for sure.

It really makes it hit home - that we aren't promised tomorrow or good health. My friend is in good spirits, from what I can tell, and she says this is her new normal, and she's made her peace with it. I hope, for her teenage son's sake, that she can get better and feel more like her old self.

But we really never know for sure about ourselves or our loved ones. We just have to keep doing the best we can and enjoy the health and time we do have.

Thank you all I appreciate you and your comments.

CW – hasn’t time flown since then . Sometimes seems like yesterday.

Hothouse – thank you. That’s the best we can hope for.

Llama – thank you too. Hope you’re doing well.

Gershun. Thanks. You are very kind.

Ali. Thanks to you too. I am blessed in many ways.
It’s true we haven’t been posting as often on these conversational threads or on the dysfunctional family one. But it sure is nice to still keep in touch with people here. I feel like we’re a bit of a family and miss those who don’t post anymore. This summer, I have been slowed down by one thing or another and too many fibre flareups. Hopefully they will calm down soon.

*I have to remember to look at the dates on your comments, all. You all haven't been as active as it used to be around some of these threads, I guess. I look back 10 comments and want to say something, then realize you posted months ago. :) Well, it's nice to read your news, anyway, and how you're doing and feeling, even if it's not new news anymore. :)

Good luck, Hothouse. I don't envy you. Moving is always such a big event and takes a lot of effort and energy; I hope you and DH can pace the work and just do what you can each day and take breaks when you need to. I'm happy you'll be closer to your daughter and grands. 🌻 It will be a new chapter in your lives.

Happy belated, Golden!! I'm so happy you're doing well. I'm glad you aren't dealing with most of the indignities and discomforts that come with aging for so many. Keep looking after yourself; it's working! 💕

Happy Birthday Golden!

89, Wow! You wear it well.

Happy Birthday, Golden.

Happy belated birthday Golden. Hope you have a happy and healthy year. 🎂🎉🥳