He barely eats maintains he's watching his figure, hardly drinks water as to him beer is liquid, he gets the shakes if he has no alcohol, and woke me 12.30 am believing two people were outside his cabin and showed me where their vehicle was parked, which did not happen as the front gate is locked. I feel his drinking is getting worse and don't know how to help him, it saddens me to watch this, he is reasonably fit for his age compared to some, but just does not want to do anything but drink, sometimes he buffs his chest out when he gets impatient which I think looks stupid, so I tell him nevermind getting puffy with me, alot of the time I keep my gate locked as he is quite happy to drink and drive.. I try not to growl him so much as I don't want him to run away again, but it is hard. I try to cook him food I think he'll eat, sometimes it upsets me when he throws it out for my dogs. I don't know how to help him, I'm thinking of getting him some sort of councelling
The alcoholic does what the alcoholic does. You are simply along for the ride. I would have gotten off the crazy train if it hadn't been my elderly father & mother living three houses away. Elderly parents are simply the only thing we cannot escape. Run while you can.
You can't help an alcoholic. Especially one who has been drinking for years. They need to want the help and then its the drying out. For that he needs to be somewhere where professionals oversee him. I would think drying out for a 74 yr old is serious. Yes, go to an Al-Anon meeting. You can't help those who won't help themselves.
You are very sweet to care for your uncle. Please attend Al-Anon meetings for yourself. It will help you deal with your uncle and not enable him. I haven’t checked but you might be able to attend online at this time.
He needs B-Vitamins as alcohol destroys those and I’ve read the lack of the B vitamins can keep his body from absorbing nutrients. Does he have a doctor he sees on occasion who might talk to him?
It is a difficult problem and I’m sorry you are dealing with it. He is lucky to have someone who cares but there is a fine line between caring and enabling.
Here is an ongoing thread of another niece and her alcoholic uncle. He is about the same age.
https://www.agingcare.com/questions/how-can-i-get-my-uncle-into-a-locked-facility-against-his-will-he-has-alcohol-induced-dementia-472505.htm
https://www.alz.org/alzheimers-dementia/what-is-dementia/types-of-dementia/korsakoff-syndrome?utm_source=google&utm_medium=paidsearch&utm_campaign=google_grants&utm_content=types_of_dementia&gclid=Cj0KCQiArt6PBhCoARIsAMF5wahz3TFwgyySHl0Opp6oPll1qf1WZAvFbX5pLn4Ye1Gm5DqUarADGKoaAk_fEALw_wcB
and
"Once a person has been diagnosed with end stage alcoholism, life expectancy can be as limited as six months. In many ways, a person struggling with alcohol addiction and showing symptoms of second-phase wet brain acts much like someone with Alzheimer's disease."
Source: https://www.hazeldenbettyford.org/articles/long-term-alcoholism-can-cause-wet-brain#:~:text=Once%20a%20person%20has%20been,like%20someone%20with%20Alzheimer's%20disease.
You think you are taking care of him, but you may actually be preventing any possible treatment by not taking him to the ER. His problems are beyond what you can help him with AND it will only get worse. At his next delusion, call an ambulance and let the EMTs deal with getting him to the hospital.
You have a dysfunctional co-dependent relationship with him and you can't see it, so counseling or Al-Anon for yourself would be an excellent start.
You are not responsible for his happiness. You can't have his recovery for him. You must take care of you by putting up clear and strong boundaries and moving on with your life. Once you've called the ambulance, you've done the most helpful thing for your Uncle so have peace in your heart over this action.
HE has to want to quit drinking.
HE has to want to see or talk to a counselor.
HE has to see that he has a problem,.
It does not sound like any of this is happening soon.
You can try to prevent him from driving, disable the car if you have to. But if he does drive YOU are not responsible for his actions.
All you can do is wait for something to happen that MAY get him to realize that he needs help.
You should reach out and find an Al-Anon meeting. I think this would help you in understanding that this is a disease that you can not control.
You are wonderful for caring and wanting to help.....the sad thing is that sometimes you can't do anything when someone is destroying their own life.