This seems like the only option left at this point and I feel bad about even considering it, but Mom can no longer be left alone for any length of time. She's fallen a few times, but not enough to warrant a hospital visit. We tried again having a caregiver come to the house when we would be away, but she refuses to answer the door even though we have tried to explain what is going on. We also tried having the caregiver come while we are home, however she will just go in her room until she leaves. Her Dr. has been of no help since her last visit and actually suggested she be seen by the nurse practitioner next time she comes. COVID doesn't help the situation, as it just makes things so much more difficult which we get but cannot continue on like this. TIA
Help us figure this out.
What is it that you want the caregiver to do? Is it to call an ambulance if she should fall? You can get cameras and check on her from your phone. You can get a medical alert system. A pendant or wrist band if she will wear it.
If I felt she couldn’t be alone, I would just have the caregiver stay while I ran my errands. Actually I would probably have a housekeeper instead with the understanding that they would call me should anything happen. Your mom would get used to the person being there. If she goes to her room, is there a problem with that? Does your mom have dementia? Is she shy? I had a housekeeper come and help me at my mom’s home. The housekeeper would take her a snack or comment on a program my mom was watching. After awhile my mom relaxed and the housekeeper could come and go with no problem.
Give us some feedback on the situation and perhaps someone will offer information that is helpful.
As a nurse I of course saw it over and over again, and often of course legitimately done. You cannot know the results of a fall without ER transport into hospital and xrays.
Yes, it does make it more difficult in Covid times, but the important thing is to ask for a social worker at once and to say "I will not accept my mother back in my home; she is not physically or mentally safe there or am I physically nor mentally able to care for her. She will need placement".
THEN you must NOT buy into the "We will make this work together; we will get you help". They will not. Simply say she will not be accepted home and to discharge her would amount to an unsafe discharge. They can arrange guardianship (temporary emergency) much more easily than you ever could (call to the judge) and can find placement. NOT placement approved by you but placement THEY choose. Be clear in your own mind that once you do not take her back she may be moved to State Guardianship and they then have control of her monies and her placements.
This is the devil's own bargain. Nothing good about it. It is a last ditch emergency effort to find placement for an elder you can no longer care for.
In Florida, we have lots of "aging in place" campuses that cater to the changing needs of the elderly, perhaps mom could be persuaded to visit a place like that to see the benefits of making a move.
How is this organized? In the U.S., hospital social workers are employed to arrange hospital discharge (post-care) locations.
In a typical larger hospital each floor/wing has its OWN social worker. For example, Denver Swedish separates but connects its social workers: its ER Department has a social worker, its 7th floor Neurology unit has a social worker, and its 4th floor Acute Care unit has a social worker, etc. Each separate social worker is assigned patients on their floor/wing. As the patient is moved from the ER onto different floor(s), their social work file moves with the patient to the next department social worker.
As an example. If a patient is transported to an ER due to a CVA (stroke), after that patient is stabilized (scans, tests,etc), the patient is next moved onto the 7th floor Neurology unit. As the patient is admitted into the new department their social work file moves with the patient into the new department, etc.
Which means after your mother is transported to the ER, you'll need to contact the social worker within the ER department, to clarify that your home is not a safe place for your mother to be discharged. UNSAFE because it has stairs and [insert danger here] Which, ideally should, result in the social worker arranging for your mother's discharge into the type of facility an M.D. orders.
After contacting the social worker you will need to maintain daily contact, to ensure that facility arrangements are being made. The social worker and nursing home will arrange to have the nursing home salesman to stop-by the hospital to interview/meet with your mother.
Working with the hospital social worker(s) is the safest legal option; your mother likely will qualify for Medicaid (and Medicaid long-term care), each U.S. state has separate determination criteria. Colorado for example, excludes one home and one car, and has a set amount of "cash" $2,000 allowed.
Did your mom date after your dad died?
Once as a joke I told my husband’s grandmother that she should marry again!
Trust me no one would have put up with this woman’s crap but I thought that she would leave us alone if she had a new love interest! LOL. She was out of the box crazy!
Maybe you can fly your mom to Wales to be with Paul’s dad! Hahaha 😂 He could take her to his betting shop, whatever they call them in Wales!
I just posted on Paul’s page about his dad. His dad drives him crazy!
i don’t think you said how a facility would be paid for. Medicare does not pay for nursing homes.
I suggest you look around and find memory care facilities near you and contact them. Yes, she is at risk due to Covid but she is also at risk not taking her meds and not eating.
Suggest you start looking and if mom needs application for Medicaid begin that process now.
An "ER" dump is not fair to your mom, the hospital staff
Does your mom's doctor not think she needs to be placed in a facility?
Re the poster’s problem with the caregiver, I had those hide-in-rooms too. It took a while for the agency to find the right match (for now), but I am glad I fired the lazy ones.
Not all Memory Cares are private pay.
I do agree with you that some are not a Go To place. Sadly, in an ER dump, that may be where a dumped family member ends up at.
If mom has the finances for AL, give yourself a pep talk and begin the process of moving her. Your quality of life matters just as much as hers. And keeping her reasonably safe matters most of all.
If she doesn't have the money, and you think that she'll qualify for Medicaid for long term care, call 911 for that next fall (I hope you're not lifting her from the ground yourself - how old are you? Protect your back). There could be conditions underlying the falling.
Once you get her into an ER, it's still a process. The ER doc has to admit her. You must hold the line about there being no one at home to care for her. Hopefully, if she is admitted, she'll be discharged to rehab, where real attention will be focused on whether or not she can live safely on her own.
It can work, but proceed deliberately and don't waiver; with your mom or the healthcare folks.
Medicaid will pay if she qualifies financially. If not, contact an elder law attorney to figure how how to get her qualified.