There is just too long of a history to list, however, on a shorter note, my dad had a stroke about 4 years ago, and mom has had a lifetime of severe anxiety and fear, that left her in a bad spot since dad's stroke. Her issues affected dad where she refused Alzheimer's treatment when he was diagnosed 2 years ago, and she began isolating, taking the phone off the hook 95% of the time, locking everything up, and in addition to her fears gone extreme starving herself. Sadly, I had no clue about how severe, although I knew more so than others. Did I mention I'm an only child?
Anyway, what I'm curious about is how do we as caregivers take care of ourselves? I don't know about anyone else, but I had to retain POA, financial burden, taking care of hospitalization, finding assisted living, taking care of bills, helping maintain their house, moving items, running their errands, doing banking, and so the list goes, OH then... its on to my life IF I have time.
So its easy to hear about paying attention to our physical needs, etc, but the stress levels can be immense. Its easy to hear the things that "need" to be done such as sleep, eat properly and so forth, but when there is so much on a person's plate (and that's with help), how does one take care of themselves? Shopping isn't possible, going to a movie can easily be interrupted by a phone call or message about something urgent. So what does a person do to escape?
Just curious. I know I can't even nap without a phone ringing for something. Thanks all!
Mitzi
I found I had to develop a thicker skin, and ignore the people who criticized me. That was a huge and difficult step, because I've spent my life as a people pleaser. But I knew what my parents needed and what I could do and could no longer do. The criticism from some lasted until my parent's deaths, and I'm sure much unspoken criticism was out there. So be it.
Your parents will take time to adjust and will take their down times out on you. Please learn to detach from that and don't accept guilt. When they know it doesn't work, they will work harder at developing a network and make friends and be much happier.
You are taking care of things the best way possible.
Carol
I'm serious when I ask does anybody find that stillness or what do you do specifically to take care of yourself? I read one woman has gotten tired of just escaping to Walmart and I understand how hard it is to grab even a dinner out. So has anyone found anything to "relax"?
Just out of curiosity I want to ask some questions. How long have you been a caregiver? Do you have any additional assistance where you can call on family and such? Do you take care of financial, any additional real estate from your parent(s), take care of any legal, etc? Do you work in addition to maintaining your own family? What about taking care of your health? Have you yourself had any medical issues? Did you always have a good relationship with your mother?
Thank you for your honesty. I definitely appreciate your insight! :)
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