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Im so depressed, this has gone on my whole life, even when I was married. My mom just guilts and controls. She is so angry at me, I walk on eggshells praying she wont pick on me. She doesn't need caretaking, I'm here because I lost my job from it ruining my back and neck. She's nice then mean, I have to be so careful how I talk to her. Shes only nice when I'm with her, and that wont be happening anymore. Shes 86 and a horror. Sweet as pie to the world, I'm her whipping post. I lost my brother who I loved so much when I was 42, he was 44 and she tells me I was a bad person to my brother and father, who I loved. She demeans me, how I talk how I walk, she lies and turns stories around to always make me the bad one. Im trying so hard to meet someone, but it never works out. Now the covid has left me a prisoner here. I lost everything after losing my job. You'd think shed be nice, Im getting sicker and sicker from her abuse. She yelled at my dad all the time. I know she's wrong, but she has all the friends and I have noone. She talks about me to her brother, I heard her once when I walked in on her. I'm so kind to people, they tell me I am so empathetic. I'm nothing like my mother , I treat my daughter so kindly because I would never want her to feel like my mom makes me feel.

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Yes...my mother is abusive...& has dementia...gets violent & so she doesn’t remember what she says or does 5 minutes later...I’m her primary caregiver...I have a private pay aide to help...She was a good caring mother to my brother & me...A different person all together...

With your situation, There’s no reason to stay if you’re not her caregiver. Even if you apply for disability & get unemployment insurance, you can find a way to tread water until you find another job. Try to get a studio apt. Do you have internet? Can you work remote? WorkForce1 helps unemployed people get back on their feet. Also food stamps, & organizations like Catholic Charities delivers food to the needy. Don’t allow any bullies into your life anymore & that includes your mother. Hugs 🤗
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Why do you continue to take the abuse? I can only guess that in some perverse way, you feel you deserve it. That's what abuse eventually does to the one being abused. it beats you down to the point where you feel it's deserved. So sad.

You say your mom doesn't need be looked after, so you need to move out ASAP!!! And quit making excuses as to why you must live with her, you lost your job, and everything, and now Covid. You need to be setting the example for your daughter as to how it looks when someone falls off the horse and how they get back up on it. Will it be hard? Of course it will, but you can do whatever you set your mind to, despite what your mom might say otherwise. And please when you do leave moms house, don't ever put yourself in that situation again. If and when the time comes that she does need more help, you can(if you want)help her find a nice facility to live out her days. You deserve so much better. If you can't do it for yourself, then please do it for your daughter. God bless you.
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Leave. Even if it means going to a shelter. Check into some sort of assistance.
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Gaslighting. That is what your mother is doing to you for your entire life. Mine too. If you're not her caregiver then do your best to find somewhere else to live. Maybe with your daughter? Your mother is happy to have you back because you are as you've stated, her whipping post and the one she takes it out on. That is a toxic situation and you have to get out of it.
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You do not indicate what care if any your mom needs. If she does not need care it might be a good idea to look for a place to move to. Even if she needs care you are not “obligated “ to care for her. She can pay someone to care for her. (She should be paying you also)
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Yes, I have expressed that since we are both elders, maybe I should file an elder abuse case against him.
Is there anyone else who can take care of her? If I could, I would introduce her to a home health care aid or see a company. My dad refuses all help including lawn care. He is far too high functioning but very paranoid. When I stayed with him five days a week he called me non stop when I was home so I never got time. You simply have to make time or you will burn out. She may respond well to a young man coming to help her for a few hours. Then increase more care health care people. It's so you can continue to help her. I'm sorry she has been so unpleasant .
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