My in laws have moved in with us, because it became apparent to their daughters that they could not care for themselves. I am OK with taking care of them. But it is frustrating at times because they rely on me for everything. Even things they did for themselves when they lived on their own..(hanging up their phone, looking up phone numbers for them, shopping online for gifts for other family members, finding her a new watch, calling their bank, finding things they have misplaced, etc.) I understand that, but they expect me to drop everything. I am setting boundaries and working through the frustration. The problem is that I was trying to discuss it with my husband (their son), and vent while at the same time state my issues out loud so I can find a solution.. He became so angry and 'threatened' to tell them its not working. He was angry with me!! Of course that made me angry and I said, 'clearly you have no idea the work that goes into this.' He got even angrier. What the hell?? I didn't respond after that. I'm curious as to why he is not superbly grateful that I have agreed to let his parents move in, and I made their space lovely. I cook a beautiful meal for all of us every night. My mother in law is gluten free so that is even more work. I'm confused by his outburst, and by the fact that he 'threatened' to tell them they had to find other arrangements.. Does he think he's doing me a favor by having them here? Did he think I was going to back down and say, "oh please don't do that!" They are not my parents and I've been kind enough to treat them with loving care, and patience. I have worked very hard to make them comfortable and he yells at me? I don't want to cuss but I am feeling like a *&^%$ secretary, cook, house keeper, chauffeur, therapist, and social committee all at once. And to boot, after I was discussing our day, before he freaked out, he said, "just so you know, Im going sailing on Sunday. And I want you to take pictures." EXCUSE ME?????? (And it's Valentines day) #$%@&^*
Thanks again for the input. (smiley face)
1) Is your MIL incapable of cooking anything, or organising clearing up the kitchen? You shouldn’t have to cook a ‘wonderful’ meal every night. What could they prepare themselves for all of you?
2) Could you and DH eat separately, at least once a week? Cook your wonderful meal with candle light etc for you and DH, but served separately – in your own area, or at a different time. Cook a very simple meal (eg pasta with tomato sauce) for parents in law. Boring!
3) Could you and DH eat out regularly, without them always coming along? You deserve it!
4) What else could they do – could FIL rake up leaves (or shovel snow), clean your car, mop the laundry floor.
5) Could MIL organise the washing? Or any other tasks?
All of these things are reasonable ways for them to contribute, and for you and DH to get your own married life back together, without passengers. If the parents don’t like it, THAT isn’t reasonable, and may encourage them to get back to Florida. Caring doesn’t mean abandoning your own lives in order to make them as comfortable as possible. Good luck!
I have given them tasks, which rarely get done. I will say that I am a bit impatient with allowing this to happen. My mother in law is to dust the floor every day (we have two dogs and as such, constant fur to deal with). She insists on simply picking the fur off of the disposable cloth and reusing it over and over, which becomes inefficient and