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I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
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V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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I don't know what to do in order to redirect his thinking because it's impossible for him to go back home and live independently. 6 to 15 hours a day, he talks about this .
When you describe him as 'my patient,' what context is he your patient? Are you a medical provider / MD / nurse / caregiver?
How you respond depends on your (professional or otherwise) relationship. If you are a professional and he is your patient, I would presume you know how to interact with him / his behavior.
Without knowing your relationship and what your background is, I would suggest: 1. You ignore him / his commenting in that you do not respond. 2. You say or bring up something else. 3. You expect him to repeat himself. 4. You practice 'reflective listening," i.e., I hear you saying ... 5. Ask him why he hates living by his family. Let him get it out.
However, if he has dementia or is cognitively impaired, then you do not necessarily offer reflective listening. You shift to non-verbal communications such as: 1. Make good eye contact. 2. Hold his hand. 3. Do whatever will keep him calm. 4. Put on music; get books with pictures / photographs that might interest him (flowers, birds, art). 5. Realize that you may have expectations of what he can do and how he can be that he has no control over. You may not be able to re-direct ... although you can look in his eyes and tell him a story ... talk about your own life and what is GOOD in it. Engage him as best you can. 6. Get volunteers to be with him. He may feel very alone, frightened, confused.
You may need to read more about dementia and how best to communicate with someone inflicted. Watch You Tubes. Go to Teepa Snow's website.
Better to ask him to describe what he likes about his "home" which may not even the his most current home. He may give you clues of his "likes" that you can pass along to his family.
A different direction. I have been told and also my wife seems to demonstrate that home is a place of safety. When she wants to go home, I can lead her to our bedroom. She recognizes it and says “Yes, this is home.” It works about 90% of the time. At night when we go to bed, I hold her hand and tell her, “You’re in your own home, you’re in your own bed, you’re safe, and I love you.” Other times I take her for a car ride and she recognizes our home when we arrive. Hope this helps!
SheilaLyn, welcome to the forum. Does your patient had memory issues? If yes, those with dementia it is not uncommon for them to say they want to go "back home". Note that "home" is usually their childhood home back when they were young, playing with their siblings (if any), and enjoying their fun as a child.
You don't do anything about it. You listen. You tell him you are sorry he is so unhappy, and that's that. I am not certain what this whole thing about "Happy-all-the-time" is. This gentleman has been lucky if he and family can afford YOU. And he has lived long. I would, if frustrated enough, perhaps ask him to tell you about other times when he was very unhappy with his life, and ask him how he handled his unhappy times. Generally oldsters love to tell you all about the old days, which are the days they best remember.
Ask him if there's anything you can do for him that might lighten up his day. And if not, just accept that end of life isn't an especially happy time of life. As a caregiver, I know that you understand that. It is a time full of losses. I am 82. Some people are more accepting of that by nature; some aren't. He isn't.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Are you a medical provider / MD / nurse / caregiver?
How you respond depends on your (professional or otherwise) relationship.
If you are a professional and he is your patient, I would presume you know how to interact with him / his behavior.
Without knowing your relationship and what your background is, I would suggest:
1. You ignore him / his commenting in that you do not respond.
2. You say or bring up something else.
3. You expect him to repeat himself.
4. You practice 'reflective listening," i.e., I hear you saying ...
5. Ask him why he hates living by his family. Let him get it out.
However, if he has dementia or is cognitively impaired, then you do not necessarily offer reflective listening. You shift to non-verbal communications such as:
1. Make good eye contact.
2. Hold his hand.
3. Do whatever will keep him calm.
4. Put on music; get books with pictures / photographs that might interest him (flowers, birds, art).
5. Realize that you may have expectations of what he can do and how he can be that he has no control over. You may not be able to re-direct ... although you can look in his eyes and tell him a story ... talk about your own life and what is GOOD in it. Engage him as best you can.
6. Get volunteers to be with him. He may feel very alone, frightened, confused.
You may need to read more about dementia and how best to communicate with someone inflicted. Watch You Tubes. Go to Teepa Snow's website.
Gena / Touch Matters
At night when we go to bed, I hold her hand and tell her, “You’re in your own home, you’re in your own bed, you’re safe, and I love you.”
Other times I take her for a car ride and she recognizes our home when we arrive.
Hope this helps!
I am not certain what this whole thing about "Happy-all-the-time" is.
This gentleman has been lucky if he and family can afford YOU. And he has lived long.
I would, if frustrated enough, perhaps ask him to tell you about other times when he was very unhappy with his life, and ask him how he handled his unhappy times.
Generally oldsters love to tell you all about the old days, which are the days they best remember.
Ask him if there's anything you can do for him that might lighten up his day.
And if not, just accept that end of life isn't an especially happy time of life.
As a caregiver, I know that you understand that. It is a time full of losses. I am 82. Some people are more accepting of that by nature; some aren't. He isn't.