To start, the people involved are my aunt (55f) and step-uncle (55m), and their kids, a boy-cousin (31m) and a girl-cousin (38f).
The catalyst for everything happened over the weekend when my cousin married. We were trying for months to get my boy cousin's family to go but were me with many excuses. My aunt is a severe hermit and is scared to leave her home. I was important to my boy-cousin that his family was there so we went to their home to drive them. When we got there my girl-cousin, who lives with her parents, was irate. She didn't want her parents to go and went as far as to withholding their medication, debit cards, luggage, and cell phones if they went. After much arguing, her parents (who wanted to go but were being stopped by my cousin) got in the car with what they were wearing and not much else.
Before I go further, I need to mention the state of the house. This can easily be explained as a hoarder home. There is no carpet (just sub-flooring), they can't get into their bedrooms so they sleep on mattresses in the living room, the oven doesn't work, the outside needs major repairs and the worst thing is...they let their 2 cats and 2 dogs poop and pee in the house and never pick it up. The basement, that my girl-cousin sleeps in, is ankle-high with poop and pee. The ammonia smell alone is unbearable to be in their home.
To make matters worse, my uncle had a brain tumor 10 years ago that affected his memory and some cognitive issues. He owns the home but my boy-cousin (who lives elsewhere and is doing well) had to get them out of foreclosure twice now. Despite them owning minimal on the home, they refuse to sell the house, take the money, and leave. I honestly don't think my step-uncle is even able to understand why he needs to do that at this point. My girl-cousin, who runs the show over there, is very ignorant about paying bills, so she is no help here. She claims to work 3 jobs to help them but I assume they are 3-part-time minimum wage jobs. She has never lived on her own.
My aunt, being a recluse and with possible prescribed medication addiction issues, has never worked in her life. My step-uncle is working a minimum-wage job through an adult daycare program. My girl-cousin isn't signing them up for medical or disability assistance despite them qualifying for it. When they were signed up, my boy cousin was the one that did it. Since has moved out and got married, things have gone severely downhill with my girl-cousin not being a good caretaker. When we confront her on this, she claims she is doing an amazing job and that she's the only one doing anything. We personally think that she has nowhere to go, has never lived away from her mom, and has no idea how to take care of herself let alone 2 other human beings. So even though they should sell the home and move into an assisted living facility or care center, my girl-cousin is refusing to let them do that.
To make matters worse, my aunt's health is very poor. She needs a walker to walk and has had an open wound from a bedsore for 2 years now. My step-uncle is changing her bandages several times a day. Other than being a recluse, she has no medical reasons why she can't walk. I believe it's from the prescription drugs she is on. When she was at the wedding, it was hard for her to walk but as the weekend progressed, and she had to walk more than she ever had before in a while, she was walking better day by day. She just needs to move her body more.
Also, when they were at the wedding they stunk. Very bad. We tried to get them to take a shower in the hotel room but they said they couldn't get it to work. When we showed them how to work it, they still would not shower. They told us that their shower at home has been broken for a while.
We have called Adult Protective Services in Minnesota but they said that they answered the door, refused to let them in, and said they were fine. There is nothing more they can do. So what can I do here to help them?
You need to explore that response and you need to be the squeaking wheel that will not go away. You need to report for wellness checks to the police and fire department. The fire department, if you ask for a check for fire safety and say you fear fires will go through and they themselves will contact APS.
Now, if no one in authority wants to take on this care? If you live somewhere where a couple is allowed to die in their hoard, then I have to tell you that in my own personal opinion there is absolutely NOTHING you can do. Ultimately this may be where and how they die. Not everything can be fixed. I would never take on POA because in uncooperative seniors that isn't honestly sustainable.
This isn't a new problem I am thinking. Were some solutions readily available then they would already have been enforced. As I said, not everything can be fixed. And if the state and county will not help then you are well and thoroughly SUNK. Call to local council on aging to report also. And call ALL OF THESE ENTITIES WEEKLY.
That's the best you can do.
Hoarding is a mental illness that requires the help of a therapist and willing participants. I think all the 3 people in that house have mental health and/or low IQ problems. You cannot force any one of them to participate in their own rescue if they don't want it -- you'd have to first have them found imcompetent by the courts.
If their hoarded house is a blight upon the neighborhood, you could contact their city to report it and see if they can pressure them to do something about it.
I'm actually shocked that your step Uncle and Aunt went to the wedding. This leads me to believe that your female cousin may be the hoarder in that group. Still, nothing you can do about any of it. They are all sick but don't think they are.
You need to stop wanting them to be people they aren't, probably never were and will never be.
It is nice that you want to try to help this situation, but if your Aunt/Uncle's own two adult children cannot fix this problem, there is no way you can. You just have to let them live the life they choose. Yes, call APS to get the ball rolling, then stand back and let your Cousins handle it from there.
From what you had written about your Aunt/Uncle's house, sadly it has lost a lot of value. The value probably is now just in the land that the house sits on. Sadly, your Aunt/Uncle won't get much, maybe enough to cover the rest of the mortgage, not enough to move into self-pay Assisted Living which is usually around $7,000 a month for one person (depending on where they live). Your Aunt/Uncle may qualify for Medicaid (which is different from Medicare) to stay in a Nursing Home, but there's a lot of hoops they need to jump through to qualify. Again, note, it is up to your Aunt/Uncle and their own grown children to do the leg work on this.