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By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
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After 2 years of struggling to care for my husband as he became progressively weaker, refused to perform simple exercises given by his Neuro NP, my husband became unable to get himself up to a standing position. I am in year 3 of a 3-5 year life expectancy with blood cancer, am 82 and now seeing a cardiologist. Between responsibility for him, me, a house and all that goes with these things, I’m exhausted and warned him that by not trying to keep some strength, the day would come I couldn’t care for him. That day came. After calling the FD 10 days in a row to get him out of his lazyboy and into the bedroom, I arranged Skilled Nursing in the facility he would go for 5 days of Respite every 9 weeks. He’s not happy and calls wanting to come home. I tell him it is under his control and give him a simple excercise to begin with. From the side of his bed and using his walker, stand and sit 3x. Do this 3x a day to start. He won’t do it. I’m crying off and on throughout the day feeling so pressured and knowing I cannot care for him, won’t care for him if he won’t try to help just that little bit to regain some mobility.i just don’t know to handle my feelings of guilt and having to keep telling him he can’t come home until he gets some strength so I don’t risk my own health. He seems completely oblivious to my health issues and the exhausting work it is to be the only person caring for him FT along with everything else. It breaks my heart when he calls and asks if I’m coming to take him home. Even if he is “working” me it is so painful telling him he can’t come home until he regains some strength, which he is obviously not going to do. Has anyone dealt with this? Do I just keep telling him no?
How heartbreaking, but I don’t see how you can realistically be a full-time caregiver at this point. Of course you love him and wish it were otherwise, but I agree with others here that he is where he needs to be.
He’s proven the exercises and strengthening are not going to happen. It doesn’t matter why, he may not accept truth, but you can. No need to discuss exercises or coming home with him anymore. Answer far less of the calls. The facility will let you know of anything important. Visit regularly and be encouraging. Talk about positive things only. Most importantly, take care of yourself, you matter. I wish you rest and peace
Yes, you keep telling him no, and keep repeating the conditions for him to come home. Are you saying that he is only there for 5 days, then back home again? How can you possibly manage him for 9 weeks back at home? If he fails to get stronger, is he going to remain in the skilled nursing long term?
I'm so sorry for how this makes you feel. I know it is not easy for you, and it's heartbreaking not being able to have him home again. But, realistically, you simply can not take care of his needs if he can not stand on his own. All you can do is remind him of that reality when he asks you to come and get him and take him home.
I'm so very sorry for your situation. And no, he can't come home. Sometimes we have to make heartbreaking decisions, and this is one of them.
He won't be happy no matter what happens. Keep that in mind, and save yourself. You've done the best you could, and nobody could have done it better.
As for telling him to do exercises, he no longer understands what you want or need, nor does he care. You're holding onto a false hope, sad to say. If you could accept where he is now in his health situation, if you could realign your thoughts to "he will never be able to come home" so you won't constantly be faced with disappointment because he doesn't care, you might start to feel better. You might need to consult with a licensed counselor to learn how to do that.
Please stop taking all his calls. That's not helping either of you. I wish you peace in your heart as you come to grips with all of it.
Let the calls go to voice mail or better yet, silence your phone. You have serious health issues at stake here and this man won't or can't even do simple strengthening exercises. It's time to take care of YOU now. Speak to him once a day on the phone if necessary, and keep repeating what you've been saying. Don't heap guilt on yourself too.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
All the best to you both.
How can you possibly manage him for 9 weeks back at home?
If he fails to get stronger, is he going to remain in the skilled nursing long term?
I'm so sorry for how this makes you feel. I know it is not easy for you, and it's heartbreaking not being able to have him home again. But, realistically, you simply can not take care of his needs if he can not stand on his own. All you can do is remind him of that reality when he asks you to come and get him and take him home.
He won't be happy no matter what happens. Keep that in mind, and save yourself. You've done the best you could, and nobody could have done it better.
As for telling him to do exercises, he no longer understands what you want or need, nor does he care. You're holding onto a false hope, sad to say. If you could accept where he is now in his health situation, if you could realign your thoughts to "he will never be able to come home" so you won't constantly be faced with disappointment because he doesn't care, you might start to feel better. You might need to consult with a licensed counselor to learn how to do that.
Please stop taking all his calls. That's not helping either of you. I wish you peace in your heart as you come to grips with all of it.