I have a terminal disease. Can I die, now?

I have a terminal disease. Can I die, now? If you are at peace, and ok to let go of your friends, loved ones, and really want peace.. and special talk with loved ones... then you will need to come to that conclusion. If the time is right, I am sure some one higher than us will let give your body a message... Hopfully you will be at peace. and happy ;)

I hope you and your wife have mended your personal issues on a positive note. Both of you deserve this. You are not going through this illness alone, your wife is here too. She must be feeling scared. Talk with her, honestly. I hope she does the same. Don't ask for kisses, ask for a hug :) And then tell her Thank You. Just a hug.. it's a good start. Mend this relationship as it will mend, perhaps a bit slowly...That is ok too. Reminisce on how you two met, and all the fun stuff and happy times.

well, the 2 of you have had some issues with other deaths from what i read in the posts. Do your best, take your time, the both of you.slow n easy. talk nicely to each other. one. Say something nice to each other.. corny, honest, funny;;; whatever.
what did you do to make her laugh the first time, vs and her you? It seems to me, too much time has past to jump into romance again. Seriously.. that's how I feel in my life..Maybe a bit later.. Hopefully soon... I am the cranky one..

Health Insurance:
Re-visit the changes made to Medicare eligibility for teachers with a pension for 2020. Medicare's and Social Security concerns are that there is no 'double dipping' of benefits. But you should not need to go without insurance benefits.

Many wives have worked outside the home in order to have health insurance that covers their spouse.

There will be options for insurance coverage.

Anyone know about this?

MSA Resources:

Michaeljfox.org
"Here until Parkinson's isn't".

BRAIN
P.O. Box 5801
Bethesda, MD 20824
800-352-9424
https://www.ninds.nih.gov
Information also is available from the following organizations:
Cure PSP
30 E. Padonia Road
Suite 201
Timonium, MD 21093
infor@curepsp.org
http://www.psp.org/
Tel: 800-457-4777; 410-785-7004
Fax: 410-785-7009
Defeat MSA
29924 Jefferson Avenue
Saint Clair Shores, MI 48082
defeatmsa@gmail.com
https://defeatmsa.org/
Tel: 855-542-5672
The Multiple System Atrophy Coalition
9935-D Rea Road
Charlotte, NC 28227
vjames@msacoalition.org
https://www.multiplesystematrophy.org/
Tel: 866-737-5999
National Library of Medicine (NLM)
National Institutes of Health, DHHS
8600 Rockville Pike, Bldg. 38, Rm. 2S10
Bethesda, MD 20894
https://www.nlm.nih.gov ;
Tel: 301-496-6308; 888-346-3656
National Organization for Rare Disorders (NORD)
55 Kenosia Avenue
Danbury, CT 06810
orphan@rarediseases.org
https://rarediseases.org/
Tel: 203-744-0100; Voice Mail: 800-999-NORD (6673)
Fax: 203-798-2291

She may just be afraid of losing you. In some way, she may have guilt issues that you came down with that. How would that make her feel if you actually went through it. I know it's about quality. I totally understand. When my friend's dad came down with cancer, he spent quality time with friends and family at his home. He stayed as uplifting as possible, and loved talking, listening, and playing the Game : Apples to Apples. Gets everyone talking, and defending their answer to the question that was presented. HIs wife would make that happen. They would call and tell us when a good time to come down was, They would also tell us, now is not a good time, he is not up to it, or other people are coming over. He couldn't have too many people at once, too much energy.
Now, is the time, to talk with your wife, tell her how you feel. Just make peaceful moments with her, and see if it is okay for you to have little dinner or afternoon parties with a couple of close friends and relatives.
People change and conditions change. Maybe she is scared. Tell her she is your best friend, and try to bring up some good times, and how you met.
Maybe I am giving the wrong advice. My relative went the other direction. Was angry all the time, didn't want to see anyone, didn't want anyone to know, and that was hard..My prayers are with you. Ask hospice. They have a chaplain or someone in your faith to talk with, even for your wife, family, They are wonderful Chaplain will talk as long as you want. And maybe play your favorite board game, if you have one: chess, checkers, or card game. rummy.
Depression is hard, and when you don't feel well, it can creep in like another disease. One moment at a time. Take this time, and make connections to friends, relatives. anyone you want to say "Thank you" to, or "apologize to?

James,
Thank you for returning, and thank you for thinking about your options some more.

You have an important issue, and I believe that with some help, you can achieve a more comfortable and realistic life.

The meds for MSA can mess with your mind and decision making, so you are going to need support. Is your illness better some days/hours, then worse the next hour?

Can you hire a caregiver to help give your wife some time away?

How long after your diagnosis have you lived this way?

Have you reached out for help to the Michael J. Fox foundation?

Do you want to share some details about your condition? Maybe caregivers have some ideas for you.

You could ask for advice. It is understandable whatever you are feeling. However, can we approach this with some expert advice on how to cope, looking to each day, one day at a time? Maybe focus on activities of daily living, and what is going to work in your relationship with your wife?

If you want to do that, do you want to start a new question, minus the heated topic of suicide and insurance fraud?

People will try to help, and to be there for you, imo.

Again, thanks so much for posting back.

8 states have death with dignity laws: California, Colorado, District of Columbia, Hawaii, Maine, New Jersey, Oregon and Vermont.

I apologize to you all for bringing up this topic. It was selfish and irresponsible. I'm not going to commit suicide or ask anyone to help me. I'll give more thought to what I post, too.

I remember way back in 1998 and my father had cancer and he was on the cancer floor of the hospital, and my mother yells out “WHERE IS KEVORKIAN WHEN YOU NEED HIM????” I quickly got her into my fathers room and told her that was inappropriate because we are on the CANCER floor!! The TERMINALLY ILL floor!!! Luckily, my fathers roommate who had his stomach removed, couldn’t stop laughing. He thought what she said was hilarious!!

I will never understand this. We put down cats and dogs by the vet and put to sleep in a humane way. But not people. People have to suffer.

Excuse me.

Assuming there is any truth in this post - and we assume that with everything we read on the forum - then whether the person posting is the person with the disease himself or his wife, who has heart disease, we are talking about a couple who are in a dreadful situation.

Insurance fraud is wrong. Attempting to disguise suicide is fraught with risks, and not only the risk of being discovered in insurance fraud. And in any case suicide itself, medically assisted or not, is a terrible thing. Even if suicide is state-sanctioned and supervised and, all things considered, the best option available for a person - that's STILL terrible, in itself, that the best option for someone is to take his own life.

I must admit it didn't cross my mind that someone could be investigating our attitude to insurance fraud and whether we'd enthusiastically endorse it, or advise posters on brilliant ways to go about it. But since we're not like that, just as we're not fond of people hiding wealth from Medicaid or destroying inconvenient paperwork, why does it matter?

Personal criticisms aimed at the OP: before you address comments to him, please go to:

https://www.ninds.nih.gov/disorders/patient-caregiver-education/fact-sheets/multiple-system-atrophy

There is a Paula Hawkins online. A published author.
Into the Water
Girl on the train

The OP needs to return to explain if there is to be any help.

Otherwise, we might be turning him in? Poor guy, I now feel he needs our protection from the ravages of the MSA and medications that could be affecting one's brain and decision making capacities.

James Hawkins, where are you?

It sounds to me like you are angry with your wife for not wanting intimacy any longer. It also sounds like you could be trying to set her up for fraud or murder to get back at her. It also sounds to me that she's tired and exhausted. She's had to remove herself emotionally as a wife and insert herself as a caregiver. You have no idea what a wife/caregiver goes through. I'm speaking from experience. You should quit your whining and be darned grateful that you have someone to care for you rather than setting her up. You bet she's resentful!! I don't blame her at all.

This post, to me, feels like a set up. The profile is set up as 'the wife' yet the post is written as 'the husband' who wants to end his life but allow 'his wife' to collect on his life insurance policies, which is fraud. The poster is asking US to help him/her defraud the insurance companies by advising if the suicide device should be hidden so the money can be collected!!! Plus, the profile is using a first name, last name AND city & state, so a paper trail is left behind to boot.

According to the profile, this couple lives in Texas. "Under state law in Texas, physician-assisted suicide or using medical intervention to bring death sooner than its natural occurrence is also unlawful."

I have no advice to offer about fraud. I will offer my best wishes to both of you moving forward, and hope that you will choose to make honest decisions that won't cause even more grief than you're already suffering.

Where do you live? Here in Canada MaID is legal.

When did you take out the insurance policies? In general, at least in Canada insurance policies have a 2 year suicide clause. After two years of continuous payments the insurance will pay out on a suicide.

I am so sorry you're experiencing this.  I can't imagine what it must be like for you and won't even try.  I will say that what you're contemplating is wrong.  It may bring an end to "your" suffering, but it will only add to your wife's.  Your wife's indifference and anger are the result of watching the man she loves slip away from her, doing the best she can to help you and make you comfortable, while all the time knowing she's losing you.  She has burnout.  Please consider this:  you CAN enter a nursing home and receive specialized care and she can get the rest she needs - she can visit you daily (or as often as possible).  This would be a win-win situation for both of you.  You will receive the specialized care you need and she will get the rest she needs and be better able to comfort and support you.  You obviously love your wife very much - and no doubt, she loves you as well.  Please reach out for help.  If nothing else, Hospice is a wonderful organization and they're only a phone call away.  They've cared for several people in my family and we found them to be skilled, compassionate professionals who walked with us through very difficult times.  No words can comfort you - but I want you to know that you are loved.  More than you know.

I believe 9 states have right to die laws. You have to be 18 or older, have a terminal illness and less than 6 months to live in California. I don't know the other states' laws. The doctor prescribes a pill or pills and you have to take them within 15 days. You also have to go to a psych first before being approved. Definitely check your insurance to make sure it will still cover you in this scenario. It is legal in 9 states so maybe you can do this in one of them without worry. Or, maybe you'll reconsider and die naturally. Good luck whatever your decision!

Yes, it is wrong. It is fraud. Fraud is a criminal offence.

I am extremely sorry to read about your situation.

Of course I don't know her or what she thinks about life, death, love, sickness, disability, marriage or anything else; but I doubt if a woman who has been married to you for twenty years and hasn't left in spite of the stress she must be under will consider losing you a pleasant change. Don't do this to her.

Tell her to get help. "She is angry every waking hour" probably means that she is:

exhausted
burning out
afraid
and angry.

Aren't YOU angry? I'd be furious. What's happening to you is incredibly unfair.

Are you in touch with people who understand the disease and can counsel you and your wife?

In my experience suicide is often one of the first things comes to mind when people are still processing a frightening diagnosis, I wonder if you have only recently received this devastating news? I urge you to not do anything rashly based on fear and incomplete information, take the time to calmly and rationally explore all your options.

If she hid the device so that she could collect insurance, it would involve her & look like murder. If you must use a device to accomplish your task, it might be pretty obvious you didn’t act alone. Then she would end up in jail, without the insurance anyway.

Like said below, check your policy to see if suicide really voids payout.

Excellent answer GA.
You are correct that the poster should not use their real names.

Given the wide range of life expectancy for patient's with this diagnosis, a person cannot predict their death accurately.
Online:
What is the life expectancy of someone with MSA?
Currently, there's no cure for MSA. For a majority of people, life expectancy is seven to nine years from diagnosis. Some people with the disease live for up to 18 years after being diagnosed.

I am thinking of a poster's Mom who lived 13 years after entering hospice. (With a different diagnosis.)

If the OP (original poster) can return to answer some questions we might be able to help.

Before I forget, please don't post your real name, if that is in fact what it is.   Anyone can access the forum and gain information that could be used for someone else's benefit.     I did a quick check and found information that I don't think you would want to be public knowledge, such as your home address.

Please either call the Aging Care admins ASAP at this number:   (239) 594-3222 or e-mail them at https://www.agingcare.com/aboutus , at the bottom of the page, and ask them to delete all the personal information you provided.      Especially given your condition, you don't want to become a target for someone who decides you're vulnerable and wants to exploit it.


I had to look up MSA, as I suspected it was one of the muscular degenerative diseases.    From the NIH (https://www.ninds.nih.gov/Disorders/Patient-Caregiver-Education/Fact-Sheets/Multiple-System-Atrophy)  (no copyright limitation posted on the home page):

"progressive neurodegenerative disorder characterized by a combination of symptoms that affect both the autonomic nervous system (the part of the nervous system that controls involuntary action such as blood pressure or digestion) and movement. The symptoms reflect the progressive loss of function and death of different types of nerve cells in the brain and spinal cord."

James, I am sorry to learn of this diagnosis, but complement you on wanting to address it now in terms of your life as well as your wife's.   I think that's quite valiant and thoughtful of you to be concerned about her role in your care.

Send raises some good points, and I think she's right that posters are going to take sides, and I also think that you may become subject to religious lectures, or just plain lectures which don't address the situation but do focus on individual positions.

So I'll try to walk the middle line.    Have you or your wife had an opportunity to determine what options are available for short and long term care, including assistance through any of the organizations that address this condition?  I'm not familiar with the long term care benefits of public education, but wonder if there are any funds that could assist you?  Or any programs?

Have you contacted any of the organizations that address this condition, such as the ones listed on the NIH URL above?  Are they able to offer any insights, coping mechanisms, or assistance for retrofitting your home?

Some things to consider as well: downsizing to a home on one floor (if you don't already have that) or retrofitting your existing house to accommodate anticipated changes?   Perhaps if funding is available for modifications it will help you stay in your home for a longer time.

Are there any funds available for assistance when it becomes more necessary?   Any support groups, especially through hospitals?   Some have neurological specialties, so they might be more helpful.  

What I'm thinking is trying to find sources to support you both, now and in the future, to minimize the strain on both of you now as well as going forward, and as you both make future plans.    If some of the caregiving pressure is relieved, you may both feel better.  

BTW, are you a Veteran?

At some point your condition apparently will become more critical, and then you may have to make the assessment that you're considering now.   And, who knows?  Some medication may ease the challenges you're facing.

I don't mean to sound casual, or make light of your situation, certainly not.   I'm just trying to think of options to ease life for both of you now.  

I wish you peace as you contemplate your options.

Point of information: As a 40 year insurance company manager who dealt with underwriting and contestable claims---
Life insurance policies have a "contestable" period, usually 2 years from the date the policy was put into force. After that, the policy pays, even in the event of a suicide or a pre-existing condition. Read the policy you have to learn about the provisions. If the death was caused by suspected foul play (a murder for instance,) the designated beneficiary may not be able to receive the proceeds if they were involved in the foul play. Life insurance is highly regulated by state insurance commissioners and provisions are pretty uniform.

That being said, reconsider your options.

No. You cannot die now.

Maybe I will come back and talk to you, but right now with the limited knowledge I do have, it could be the depression talking.

What I want to avoid, James, is for you to start a discussion that would set up caregivers on this forum to weigh in on their opinions on whether or not a patient with your diagnosis should commit suicide. Essentially, using these sincere people to become your death panel to give permission for suicide or euthanasia. A topic sure to cause a heated discussion and division.

What we can do for you, is to help clear your thinking, find viable solutions to each problem.

You do not know how long you will live.
Suicide is not an option.

Excuse my tough love response, to a stranger yet. It is necessary in my opinion.

I'm sorry you are facing this. I'm a bit confused because your profile page is written from your wife's perspective as the account holder, is there a reason for that James?
In order to access physician assisted death you would need to establish residency in one of the states where it is offered, is this something that would be possible for you?