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LexiPexi - Just wondering if you looked into hiring an aid to help you with your husband’s care. Would that be an option instead of a facility?
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Is a part time home care aide an option at all?
would that help?
Or is it best and safest for both of you for him
to be there.
How often do they have openings become
available on average? (once a month, once a year?)
What is the visiting situation, during
COVID?

Also has he seen a geriatric psychiatrist? They
are very good at using medications to balance out
emotions, anxiety, anger, etc using light doses of
a variety of medications. Like a low dose of depakote
(for seizures) can work as a mood stabilizer.
Medications may help making the transition easier.

Also look up info on a geriatrics program called ACE
at SUNY Upstate Hospital online. They have a lot of
information about how to make seniors and especially
seniors with and memory or dementia problems more
comfortable and stable in new settings.
It gives care suggestions to make things easier for
them, help them feel safe and diminish or avoid declines
that seem to happen with any move, or hospital stay.
(avoid hospital ''delirium'' as it is sometimes called).

Also remember the senses. Familiar scents (air freshner,
after shave, perfume, flowers), familiar foods, familiar
sounds (tv, music, birds chirping), a favorite blanket
or shirt or robe, can all help with a sense of security
and feeling safe with what is familiar, in a new place.

Hesitation is natural on such a major decision and
change. Such changes that can be exciting, like
moving to a new place in our 20s, 30s, 40s,
has a different feel to it in our later years, as we
see it as closing a door on a large portion of our life.
It is tough to be there.
Also it means you will be living alone. Which may or
may not be appealing to you.
It is an entire spider's webs of tangled emotions, and completely
natural

best wishes
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You are likely hesitating because you feel some guilt. Step back for a minute. What level of care does your husband need and deserve? Answer. Can you provide that care? Answer - NO. Who can - the group home.

Now - does this mean that you shut the door and never see him again? No - it means you will be his loving wife and friend - you will visit, you will help him, you will advocate for him - you will just have a higher level of care and more hands to help. He deserves this.

It is not easy. Bless you both and report back how it all goes?
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Guilt is a very natural and almost manipulating emotion. I am not down on guilt as much as some others are as it may in other situations guide us to a right decision, for example you would feel guilty cheating on a spouse so you dont

But in this case, the facts seem to be you have cared for your husband as long as you could as well as you could, and in this case I think the guilt is a "lie" of sorts.

Not to say this wont be hard. Who wants to put a loved one in another place. But it seems to be the best choice, based on what I understand.
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Lexi, how did it go today? ((((((hugs)))))))))
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