My MIL is in assisted living with memory care in Georgia and on Medicare/self pay. She has vascular dementia that has progressed to perhaps the end stage as she is no longer interested in eating. She has not started hospice. Her sister in GA has been taking care of visiting and looking after her but she is advancing in age now too. She would like to move her sister(my MIL) back to NC where her son and I live and have her transferred to an assisted living facility here with hospice. What is the best way for us to do this?
If she is in end stage dementia, she may not now or soon will be unable to know who is there.
I agree with others that it's not a good idea to remove someone in your MIL's condition from her familiar surroundings. Her sister has waited too long to do that. I was caregiver for both my dying parents who had dementia. I would have never put them through a move like that. Seems - well, just cruel. They don't know what's happening to them. They're scared. Better to let them slip away without an additional struggle to deal with.
Her son should get out to see his mom immediately and get her on hospice, assuming he's POA. Then he can decide whether or not to have her medically transported to another memory care AL in your state. A hospice nurse would have a better idea of how much time MIL has left to live based on a variety of criteria. I agree its not a good idea to take the poor woman out of her home environment at this stage of the game.
Good luck to you.
I think it would be very cruel and inhumane to put your MIL through the trauma of being transferred for many hours when she is now actively dying.
She should instead be able to die in peace without having such a disturbance in her life.
So perhaps it's best that you and your family get to GA sooner than later so you can say your goodbyes before it's too late.
And please call and get hospice on board today as you really don't want your MIL to needlessly suffer, as the dying process can be very painful as all the organs start to shut down.