In her very clear mind she decided against the risky surgery and chose to go home on hospice and die within all of her children and grandchildren around her. She is so very strong and has outlasted the days to a couple of weeks that the Drs predicted. She has been home almost a month. She is now in the active dying phase. How do we deal with outsiders telling us we should have made my mom have the surgery. She made the right decision for her. She was at peace. It’s getting so frustrating hearing people tell us what should have been done. We are taking great care of my mom & wouldn’t trade this for anything. My dad & sister both died of cancer in their 50’s mom is content about reuniting with them & the rest of her family. I’m so sad at the nerve of people
Dr. Edward Smink
On an added note, my father-in-law had a bowel blockage. He had been in assisted living for a while recovering from surgery after a heart attack. He went back to the hospital due to the blockage and his doctor indicated to all of us there is little possibility that he would survive the surgery. And if he did, he would have quite a difficult recovery. The family all decided to not have him go through any more pain and trauma. He was older and had already been through a lot. Everyone was at peace with the decision. He passed in a natural, quiet way with all his family there.
You followed your mother's wishes, hard as I'm sure it must have been for you. Bravo!
You can simply say 'thank you' as soon as possible and hang up the phone or end the conversation. By simply being polite you are rising above their intrusion.
You really don't have to say anything else except good-bye. Your focus right now is your mother, and I'm sure your family is happy to have this extended time to say farewell.
Finally, go ahead and say whatever is on your mind! Why do you have any reason to worry about these other people when you are in the midst of a solemn family occasion?
I would not have done any of this and that is why all if this was private and not to be told to everyone since now you are going to be judged no matter what. No one has to know your family business and the problem with Hospice decisions no one wants to think that the person making the decision chose this. So, this might have been what your family wanted along with your mother but someone chose to open this up possibly on Media and that is our problem now. No privacy and what you felt was her last days to enjoy will now be talked about, posted about, and so on.
Do yourself a favor end this with a very Private Homegoing. You know how this got out, do not allow this to be the end for what was a better design. If you and immediate family agreed with your mother, then create the Homegoing someplace and do not share with anyone. There are no rules people do what you want and Quit be Sheep to judgmental bullies. Politeness is never given to many but many people do not know how to confront rudeness. Learn to stop embracing others bad behavior. Who cares if they agree they would not be invited to anything else. You do not have to be nice to mean people.
Do you absolutely have to have them in the house?
Now I'm all better, and everyday I get to thank Science and the Universe for another opportunity to shampoo my hair! Lol! You stay strong. They are not as brave and loving as you are. Poor things! Life is scary:)
She is surrounded by loved ones, in her own home. Play some soft music and embrace death. We all have to walk that path ....... it can be a beautiful process.
tell them "thank you so much for your thoughts but the decision is Mom's and we respect her decision and hope you will respect her wishes"