She was my father’s caregiver, who took him to court and married him without families knowledge. My father has short term memory loss and would do anything anyone tells him. After marriage she took him down the next day to have him change the POAs. We as daughters tried to annul th marriage but we settled for an mediation where as she can stay married and keep al his income as she has none.. she was homeless before and she enticed my father in a sexual manner. So now she feels feels she has total control of him and won’t let us visit him at the house that I and my father has title to. She must take him and pick him up. She makes excuses that she has appointments or plans with her friends to prevent us to has time with him. We were given agreement to see him for one week every 3months and she wants to dictate how and when we see him during that week.. could take her to court for contempt but we live out of state.. so frustrating. She is a narcissist thru and thru, she does take care of our father, and uses him for her own entertainment and his money. She tells him and all her friends how awful we are because we see thru her. Help!!!!
With all due respect to you and your family, where was everyone when this woman was hired to be your father's caregiver then started romancing him, then married him? I think your father was probably a very lonely man and family who visits every three months isn't going to do much to remedy that.
Cases like yours happen all the time. A lonely elder on their own gets swindled then family ends up with zero inheritance. This is why adult kids have to keep an eye on things for mom and dad. They have to put the work in and I get it. Most people can't be the entertainment and caregivers to their elderly parents and family members. No one should have to either. This is what happens though when they're not.
I am so sorry for you and your family, but really there's nothing you can do. Your father if he cared for his family would have set his estate up before he grew old and started to get dementia. Like so many elders didn't do that. My father took up with a much younger homeless addict. He did not remove me as his POA nor did he marry her. He spent loads of money on her and it was his money to spend. The moment he became incapacitated I took over and made her homeless once again.
There is one saving grace in all of this though. You won't be responsible for him. So when his dementia worsens, the difficult behaviors start, and he can't be left alone for a second it will be on wifey. If she wants to put him in memory care at this point, and he still holds assets in his name, they go towards his care bill. so either she'll have to really do the caregiving or she gets nothing too.
This has already gone to the courts and already been mediated.
There's really nothing left to be done here.
The court system is the last stop in our country.
Hopefully the family will not care for dead old dad when his girlfriend has all the money and moves on to someone else. The state court will act for Dad in THAT instance as well.
Basically court is the last stop. That's where the decisions are made.
There's nothing left to do but understand and accept that a court has judged your father competent enough to make the decision and he has made it.
Just be certain that in future you do not take on his care when the money is gone.
Allow the court system to care for him then by appointing a fiduciary to make applications and placement for his care.
You can remain his loving daughters who visit.
It is unbelievable but there's no law that says a person who even has a diagnosis of impairment cannot get married without the consent of their PoA or legal guardian. Here is a law that is in dire need of being created.
You have no real power in this situation since he is legally married, as you are finding out. Even if you were somehow able to get him to assign someone else as his PoA, she'd just get him to change it back if she had access to him.
I'd have a consult with an elder law attorney since rules can vary by state and we are not professionals, and a professional is what you now need. Time is of the essence.
I wish you success in protecting your Father.
Sorry, but have no idea what you can do.
I am so sorry, I really have no advice for you, I know just wanted to say how sorry I am. I wish I had something helpful to say but this is just a horrible mess. Others than get a good lawyer.
😔🙏
You need lawyers. There's nothing we can tell you other than this. The burden of proof is on you and your sister. Find a lawyer who specializes in (and has experience in) prosecuting fraud and financial abuse in your Father's home state. A single consult may be enough for that attorney to tell you whether your case has any hope or not.