She is dealing with COPD, and macular degeneration, as well as congestive heart failure. My sister and I each visit her once a week or more bringing her groceries and taking her to doctor appointments. She loves her primary care doctor but is very rude to any other specialists or therapists. She is also very critical of family members and those around her. She can’t seem to accept her physical limitations but won’t try or follow through on suggestions given her to try to help. I think she is looking for a magic pill to cure all. Because of trying to deal with her rudeness to others I hate taking her anywhere. I would like to talk to a therapist about ways to cope but most resources I have looked into are for dealing with the elderly with some sort of dementia. This is not my case. I feel like my life is out of control. Does anyone have suggestions for me?
"Mother, really! - and anyway left-handed people are often very creative."
"Well I don't want him getting creative with my cataract."
Fortunately I think our ophthalmologist had heard much, much worse in his time.
Depending on how long your mother has been dealing with her chronic conditions, I don't think you can assume that she is not suffering from some cognitive decline and quite possibly vascular dementia. The loss of inhibition and the negativity strike loud bells with me. Has this been investigated?
You must not feel responsible for your mother's behaviour, although you should avoid situations where she may cause hurt and offence to people who cannot reasonably be expected to suck it up. But any experienced health care professional who deals regularly with your mother's conditions will be inured to anything she can send their way, I promise you.
In our neck of the woods, we have an organisation called Dementia Friends - just ordinary members of the public who have signed up for basic training in assisting people with dementia. We have little lapel badges so that anyone who needs help, out and about in the ordinary way, knows we're approachable and will understand.
You may not have anything like that, and ours has only made a start on the issue; but believe me more people than you realise will understand and sympathise with what is going on.
I would think any qualified therapist would be able to provide support to you.