CarrieSoCal Asked May 2018
My siblings are paying home care aides a total of $23,000 per month. Not kidding. Any advice?
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I used to think I was lucky, but I'm deep in the Dangerfield zone at this point.
My brother and sister are naïve, I guess.
Is $23,000 per month as crazy as it seems to me to be? The service is not great. One guy lives in 5 days a week and another one does weekends. Then there is a night shift in case my father has to get up at night.
My brother has POA and he's kind of abusing it, because my parents wanted me to move in, but he hired these guys.
All they do is help my dad stand up and walk, and serve low-quality food, like microwaved frozen meals, pizza, and instant oatmeal. The rest of the time they sit near my dad and look at their iPhones.
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The caregivers, who were supplied from a professional Agency that was licensed, insured, bonded and had workman's comp for their employees. What I liked was if one caregiver couldn't come in that day, the Agency found someone to fill in for that shift.
Then Dad asked me how could he saved money, and I told him about senior living facilities. Dad never heard of such places [I doubt many elders have], so we toured one place. As soon as I drove up the driveway to the first place Dad was ready to sign up. He chose a sunny apartment, and we had a free lunch which we really enjoyed. The place was set up like a hotel.
The cost of the IL apartment was $5k/month for basic service. Thus Dad could budget to allow him to bring with him his day time caregivers, which was great as it gave him a good routine. Later down the road Dad moved to the complex's Memory Care which cost around $7k/month and he could still bring his daytime caregivers.... they had been with him for over a year. What a lifesaver it was for me, as I was a senior and just couldn't do the work they did.
[Edit: I didn't mind if the caregivers served TV dinners to Dad when he lived at his house, as it would be difficult for them to be in the kitchen cooking from scratch PLUS be watching Dad so that he doesn't fall. I also didn't mind if the caregivers were on their internet hand devices, as when Dad was napping it was quiet time. The house always looked clean so that caregivers were doing the light housekeeping plus laundry. I got the groceries because Dad wasn't able to spend a lot of time walking.]
And he was only falling because his doctor had just added the 6th pointless drug that causes dizziness and falls to his daily gulp; very easy to fix without submitting someone to a nightmare. No one told me...
I’d like him to have physical therapy nearly every day until he has reached maximum recovery. Also, a real food diet. Plus, outings. Under the current regime, they haven’t even left the house, except for doctor appointments, since last March. I want them to have lives.
And for my part, I’m in a very good stage of life to take this on. I and my dogsitter (and friend), who really fit the bill, covered weekends last year, until my brother freaked out and hired two guys from a referral agency and told me to stay away. I went anyway, but not at the crack of dawn. . (He didn’t pay the last invoice from my dogsitter/handyman/friend.) We were all happy with the arrangement, and I would have settled for that, but my brother just couldn’t tolerate it.
I’ve told my parents about the cost. My father yelled, “That’s Bulls—-!” I intend to revisit the topic soon.
Their banker said they will run out of savings by the end of 2019. He just hasn’t said They’ll have some income from Soc Sec and an annuity, but not enough for this malarkey.madness.
I count 2 staffers, plus a night shift - of how many people in all? My first thought was also that this was REALLY out of line, but I remembered that FreqFlyer, longtime regular poster, paid a lot for care for her father while in AL and then I believe in Memory Care, to provide the level of care she felt he needed. If I remember correctly, she had 3 staffers, plus the AL staff. But a facility staff isn't available all the time, and sometimes an individual needs an extra level of care.
I think some explanations on who has done the on site caregiving and how the tasks are split up between the 3 of you, as well as more specifics about your father's medical conditions, would help put this situation in perspective
If Dad wanted you to move in, why did he choose Brother as POA instead of you?
Do these caregivers come through an agency? Is it possible that your brother hired them directly and he's getting (taking) a kickback from them?
It is generally more expensive to provide round-the-clock one-on-one caregiving in a private home than care centers cost. How desperately does your dad want to stay in his home?
Having a family meeting is a fine idea. But keep in mind that as POA your brother is not obligated to carry out decisions made by family. He alone gets to make decisions.
Another point you made, there is a lot of down time in caregiving. While it's natural for us to be on the go, attending appointments, grocery shopping, etc. it's not the same with an elderly person. They aren't on the go. They also don't want to feel as if they have to entertain the caregiver so most caregivers will sit on the sidelines until they're needed unless someone tells them they are to do differently. Most caregivers understand that a little light housekeeping is included but I stress *LIGHT* housekeeping. Simple meals are included as well. Taking the client to an appointment is also expected if necessary as is some laundry (including linens). But accomplishing all of this still leaves a lot of down time for the caregiver. It can be disarming to come into your loved one's home and see the caregiver on their phone but once all the tasks are completed and your loved one isn't in need of assistance what is the caregiver supposed to do?
That said, if it's really your POA brother who's made this decision for your dad, and your dad doesn't really understand what's happening, and your dad is in danger of running out of money and is socially isolated, then the $23k/month is not only crazy, it's also abusive.
As Midkid58 said, you need to meet with your siblings (and dad if he is cognizant) and map out your dad's care plan. If your POA brother won't do this, then it might be time to consider whether your dad would be better served if you were his POA agent, if he's legally competent to make that change, and if he isn't competent, then you have the option to seek guardianship and conservatorship.
You need to get boots on the ground and see what is actually going on. This sounds almost abusive--perhaps in a financial arena, it is.
$23K will pay for the most luxurious ALF apartment you could find. Maybe it's time to meet with the sibs and talk about making that move.
For that amount "these guys" should be cleaning, prepping meals, shopping, taking dad to appointments and bathing him keeping up his PT, providing activities and mental stimulation...the list goes...
This just sounds very, very suspect and not a little sketchy. Get involved--your dad could be at the mercy of some great con artists.