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I've read some of your posts. I have an 89-year-old mother with dementia who still lives alone. She is almost blind and can barely see enough to move in her own home. Her home is filthy. When I say dirty, I mean feces on the commode seats and sink in her bathroom. Kitty litter flushed down the back toilet, stopping it up—little litter all over the floor and things sitting all over the house. The commode in the back has overflowed. I live about an hour away and visit her when I can. Her dementia is to the point where she is hearing voices and has been for quite a few years. She was admitted to a psychiatric hospital about 17 years ago, but managed to beat the system and get out. She has reached a point where she does unpredictable things. She thinks the stove is coming on, so she unplugs it. She believes the car is about to blow up. She cannot see to drive. She has a .38 pistol that she took into the courthouse a few weeks ago, and the deputy kindly let my son take it out to the car. I have to pay her bills but she refuses to reimburse me until she gets to the bank to look at her bank statements. She pays everything in cash and keeps a wad of money in her purse. She accuses me of driving up and down in front of her house and says my son and I have been there when we have not. She accused my wife of dying in Texas 3 months ago and the woman I am living with is not my wife. She is abusive, abrasive, and downright mean. I have financial POA and a copy of the Healthcare POA. Financial POA was registered. I just got the healthcare POA this week.
She needs to be in an assisted living but refuses to discuss it. I have tried to arrange for aid and attendance but she refuses it. I have tried to arrange for someone to take her to the store, and to pay bills. She refuses it. She went 4 days without food and I broke down and ordered her groceries today and paid her electric and water bills. I don't know if I am doing her a favor or not. I let her stew for a while to see if she would come around when she got hungry but she refused. STUBBORN!
I am open to ideas. I am not in the best of health myself from a bad surgery a year ago and am trying to recover. I work from home bu am expected to be available during my shift. I simply cannot run to her every week to take care of her needs and she has no intention of changing. She has proved she would rather die than give in to any of my suggestions.
Any ideas? Oh BTW, I am an only child.

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That is a challenging situation. Have you talked to the local Agency on Aging? There may be some services you can apply for. I find parents sometimes behave better for other people. It sounds like you need help, so if she has funds you can use them to hire help with her care. Sending you peace and comfort. Listen to your heart. Mentally ill parents deserve care, even if they were not a perfect parent. Try not to let her get to you, you are the grown-up now and she will need your maturity to get through this.
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As POA, you can have your mother placed w/o her consent. You may want to call APS, however, and report an elder with advanced dementia and blindness living in squalor alone. They may place her themselves once they get a gander of whats going on over there.

For what it's worth, nobody can prepare us for what dementia looks and acts like. The whole thing is a nightmare that can leave us, especially us only children, with PTSD before it's all said and done. I hate dementia with every ounce of my being and pray to God never to put my husband or children thru my withering away from it.

Best of luck to you.
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When you call 911 make sure you advise them she has access to a weapon. Other than that nothing to add. Just wishing you luck from one only child of a mentally ill parent to another.
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This is untenable for you both. Geaton has given you good advice. Please stop discussing all this with your mother at all. The dementia means she’s lost the ability to make sound choices or have good judgment. All the discussion isn’t getting you anywhere and only frustrates you both. Time to take action, mom is not safe at all, and none of the band aids in her home are making her safer. She will likely never see this. She named you POA for just this situation. Review the documents, decide how much or little you can handle, and act, minus any talks or trying to justify your position. Mom is blessed to have you, even if she can never acknowledge it. I wish you peace
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