Hi all, dad’s not doing great dementia wise. His vitals from day to day look good and his labs look good however he has had a decline after his most recent hospital stay with a UTI and Sepsis that entered his blood stream. Whether or not he’s eating depends on the day and the meal but it is not consistent. He will drink Ensure sometimes and likes ice cream and liquids. I am in the process of getting Palliative care for him per a referral from the hospital as well as doing a DNR; dad is bed bound with severe contractures at the hips. I feel like I’m in a limbo and don’t know where to turn. I am 8 months pregnant with my second baby and have a one year old so I am very overwhelmed. Dad also has a kidney stone that causes recurring UTI’s that is only removable by going under which is not advisable for Dementia patients and I feel that putting him through surgery is cruel at this point so it’s not a matter of if it’s a matter of when another UTI will come. I have put him in hospice before and he graduated because he actually got better so I am sort of reluctant to put him back in unless someone tells me that he has 6 months or less to live. I do honestly feel like he has 6 months or less to live but no one has told me that…have you ever felt like maybe doctors didn’t want to be the person to tell you that so they just leave it up to you? Thats how I feel. Dads been sick for a really long time and doesn’t even want to talk most days. He doesn’t know that I have a son I don’t think even though he’s met him and I don’t think he knows that I’m heavily pregnant. Dad lives in a skilled nursing facility and will sometimes agree to be put in his tilt and space wheelchair to go to activities.
The hospice care in the nursing home has been great from what it can see. My father has been getting extra attention he would not have gotten otherwise.
It is important that you have peace of mind knowing your father is well cared for. You have a toddler and a new baby. They are your priorities.
Best of luck.
If for any reason he would qualify then he qualifies, place him on Hospice.
If he does not qualify then place him on Palliative care for now. They can monitor him and when he might qualify for Hospice he can transfer to Hospice. (Most Palliative Care and Hospice work through the same agency so to move him to a Hospice Team would be easy.
You will lose some of the things that the SNF does as the Hospice team takes over. (SNF staff will no longer shower or give him a bath, the Hospice CNA will do that. He would not be seen by the SNF doctor, the Hospice Team will take over medical care.)
So...while he is being evaluated for Palliative just ask if he would qualify for Hospice. Simple yes or no. If no then continue with Palliative, if yes then consent for Hospice rather than palliative.
What is it that you think hospice this time around will do for him or accomplish?
He's in a SNF, he's on palliative care, so... ?
I'm so sorry you're both going through such a tough end of life issue, it's so hard. May God bless you and give you strength and a healthy baby. Best of luck.
FWIW, I was very pregnant with my first child when my dad was dying. Please take care of yourself and your children first. I lost far too much sleep in those last days with dad. No one insisted I rest more, but they should have. It is also so hard to think clearly during that last trimester of pregnancy. I hope things go well with the birth and you get the rest and peace you need.