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Hi all, dad’s not doing great dementia wise. His vitals from day to day look good and his labs look good however he has had a decline after his most recent hospital stay with a UTI and Sepsis that entered his blood stream. Whether or not he’s eating depends on the day and the meal but it is not consistent. He will drink Ensure sometimes and likes ice cream and liquids. I am in the process of getting Palliative care for him per a referral from the hospital as well as doing a DNR; dad is bed bound with severe contractures at the hips. I feel like I’m in a limbo and don’t know where to turn. I am 8 months pregnant with my second baby and have a one year old so I am very overwhelmed. Dad also has a kidney stone that causes recurring UTI’s that is only removable by going under which is not advisable for Dementia patients and I feel that putting him through surgery is cruel at this point so it’s not a matter of if it’s a matter of when another UTI will come. I have put him in hospice before and he graduated because he actually got better so I am sort of reluctant to put him back in unless someone tells me that he has 6 months or less to live. I do honestly feel like he has 6 months or less to live but no one has told me that…have you ever felt like maybe doctors didn’t want to be the person to tell you that so they just leave it up to you? Thats how I feel. Dads been sick for a really long time and doesn’t even want to talk most days. He doesn’t know that I have a son I don’t think even though he’s met him and I don’t think he knows that I’m heavily pregnant. Dad lives in a skilled nursing facility and will sometimes agree to be put in his tilt and space wheelchair to go to activities.

Hospice
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Reply to MTNester1
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Put him on hospice. Do this for you.

The hospice care in the nursing home has been great from what it can see. My father has been getting extra attention he would not have gotten otherwise.

It is important that you have peace of mind knowing your father is well cared for. You have a toddler and a new baby. They are your priorities.

Best of luck.
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Reply to Hothouseflower
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I don’t think you have anything to lose asking for a hospice evaluation. He has a poor quality of life and is medically fragile. Is he on many medications? I can imagine he is in a lot of pain and discomfort and that could be impacting his appetite in irregular ways as you describe. I’m so sorry, this must be just awful for you. Try to get support wherever you can. I can’t imagine juggling a toddler while being pregnant right now. Do what is best for you and your babies first. Your dad will be taken care of.
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Reply to ShirleyDot
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If you liked his prior hospice give them a call and have them come assess him. It doesn't sound like his quality of life is good.
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Reply to ElizabethY
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First I will say I am a PROponant of Hospice.
If for any reason he would qualify then he qualifies, place him on Hospice.
If he does not qualify then place him on Palliative care for now. They can monitor him and when he might qualify for Hospice he can transfer to Hospice. (Most Palliative Care and Hospice work through the same agency so to move him to a Hospice Team would be easy.
You will lose some of the things that the SNF does as the Hospice team takes over. (SNF staff will no longer shower or give him a bath, the Hospice CNA will do that. He would not be seen by the SNF doctor, the Hospice Team will take over medical care.)

So...while he is being evaluated for Palliative just ask if he would qualify for Hospice. Simple yes or no. If no then continue with Palliative, if yes then consent for Hospice rather than palliative.
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Reply to Grandma1954
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"I have put him in hospice before and he graduated because he actually got better so I am sort of reluctant to put him back in unless someone tells me that he has 6 months or less to live."

What is it that you think hospice this time around will do for him or accomplish?

He's in a SNF, he's on palliative care, so... ?
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Reply to Geaton777
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Mariavictoria30 May 27, 2026
so what your saying I should just leave him like how he is without any extra care to make him comfortable and keep him on all medications? This is why I am posting I am asking a question. Normally when you start hospice you come off of medications and you get comfort care. You get three chances with Hospice that are free after you have used up the three times you have to pay… so what is your response about? If you’re going to go out of your way to be rude and insensitive to a person in my shoes please don’t answer me.
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Your dad has multiple health challenges that make help from hospice a good idea. He may worsen or could again graduate from needing it, either way it’s an effective help for now. The best of doctors and hospice nurses can’t fully predict the end. When my dad was on home hospice we were told the end was near when he stopped communicating, stopped eating, and slept a deeper than normal sleep. All proved true with him. You’ve had a long, sad road with your dad, time to accept all the help you can. This is a joyous time for you, it’s unfortunate that it’s shared with impending loss. I hope you can focus on your little ones and new life, even as another is slipping away. I wish you much happiness with your new baby and much peace about dad
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Reply to Daughterof1930
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Get dad's doctor to order a hospice evaluation for him and let hospice tell YOU if they think he's got 6 months or less left to live.

I'm so sorry you're both going through such a tough end of life issue, it's so hard. May God bless you and give you strength and a healthy baby. Best of luck.
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Reply to lealonnie1
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Dad also lives in a skilled nursing facility. I forgot to mention that.
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Reply to Mariavictoria30
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JustAnon May 29, 2026
I would get a hospice evaluation. Yes, there are meds they will recommend against, but it is a support service to keep him comfortable, especially if he is too weak for surgery. We had doctors and nurses insinuate my dad had hours to live, only for him to rally once again. It is hard to tell, so they sometimes are reticent to make that prediction. If you do feel he only has about six months to live, I would go with what the hospice evaluation determines.

FWIW, I was very pregnant with my first child when my dad was dying. Please take care of yourself and your children first. I lost far too much sleep in those last days with dad. No one insisted I rest more, but they should have. It is also so hard to think clearly during that last trimester of pregnancy. I hope things go well with the birth and you get the rest and peace you need.
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