Want to age at home. Need long-term care, legal assistance, and some kind of aid for medical supplies, caregiver, where to begin?

My local senior center offered free consultations with a lawyer, and the lawyer ultimately came to my mom, who was bedridden. Finding an elder care lawyer who will come to your home is probably your best bet to find out what types of services you may be eligible for in your state. I wish you the best.

In your profile you mentioned wanting to talk to a social worker. You can call your county's social services (Dept of Health) found online and ask to speak to someone. Have all your questions written down -- many of them are probably already answered on their website. Ask about Section 8 housing for sure.

You say you are bedridden.
So given that I think you must have some experience already?

Given that you wish to age at home I am assuming assets are pretty much unlimited and in large amounts, as that is what will be required in order to get all the indivdualized care. Given that I would hire a care manager. I would also have an Elder Law Attorney to attend, and if no family can do the job, would hire a Licensed Fiduciary to manage bills, bill paying, finances, banking and etc. Elder Law attorneys work with them in Court cases so often have a list. This will help you get paperswork and care contract informations. Between those two you can decided exactly what kind of care you need, and how much of it.

I certainly wish you luck, but without good solid family support this isn't something I would be trying, and I would instead go into assisted living where I didn't have to deal with multiple personalities and the vagaries of hiring folks that often don't show up. That, along with upkeep of a home, would just be too much for me were I to become bedridden.

Out here, 20 is the minimum wage for fast food workers. And out here you’d be paying nearly 175000 per year for that one aide’s 24/7 time plus room and board for free. You should also already be paying your brother rent that takes care of household expenses.
You don’t sound like you have that kind of money.

First, I think the friend is writing this.

I am sorry but there is no program that will pay for 24/7 care to keep a person in their home. Everything you mention is very expensive. If the person cannot afford it themselves it maybe time to be placed in Long-term care with Medicaid paying.

You can talk to Office of Aging. Social Services, the person may qualify for Supplimental income. Adult Protection maybe able to help.

If you are the friend caring for this person, know you can't go on forever.

If you're 68 and bedridden now, are you on SSDI? Already on Medicaid? If not, how are you paying for what you need now? Is your friend helping you in exchange for room and board?

As MACinCT noted, it will cost lots of money to achieve what you desire. Eventually 24/7 in-home care exceeds the annual cost of a facility... and Medicaid covers the cost of LTC in a facility as long as you medically and financially qualify.

My MIL is in a fantastic LTC facility on a large, beautiful suburban lake with a private room on Medicaid. The staff is absolutely awesome and she enjoys joking around with them. They take residents out fishing on a pontoon boat, go on outings and host special fancy dinners and events. This is not a high-end facility, just one that is faith-based and has been in existence for 40+ years, so it's really really well run and they treat their staff like they deserve. I'm just saying that places like this do exist and maybe your time is better and more realistically spent finding a set-up like this before someone else makes that decision for you. Yes, you would still need a pre-chosen guardian but that's pretty much all you'd need for this scenario.

To stay in your brother's home for the duration of your life... is your brother so wealthy that he'd never need to sell it to finance his own care? If he passed away first does the house go to you? Or does he have kids who would inherit it? If it passes on to another family member then you'd be aced out unless you could pay rent.

Also, managing the services you require help with means a lot of daily/weekly oversight: making sure things get done correctly and on time; finding subs or replacements as people don't show up; hoping that your existing income source can keep up with the ever-increasing cost of labor (and scarcity). Is your brother going to pay for all the upkeep on the house? New roof? Painting? New furnace/ac? etc...It's very expensive to keep up a home.

Daughterof1930 mentioned worrying about fires and burglars but you are far more likely to be a victim of theft and scamming from the parade of strangers coming in and out of your home to provide services.

Is the home ADA compliant? Does it have a roll-in shower and ramps?

And, you are focused on your physical needs and decline but what happens if you get dementia like so many seniors do? Then you won't be able to do the management. At that point your PoA or guardian will most likely transition you to a facility. Better that you research and pick one now so at least you have a voice in the decision. Socially it will be much better for you.

I don't blame you at all for wanting to stay where you are. But reality will dictate what happens. Where you start is sitting down with your brother and asking him questions about what he's willing to do in the long-term regarding your residency in his property. And then you have to hope he never changes his mind or his financial circumstances never worsen. If you have assets more than just SS you'll need to also talk to a financial planner.

If you are collecting SS as your only source of income, I honestly don't think you'll be able to pull off staying where you are. There will only be "aid" when you have 0 assets left -- and it won't pay to keep you in that house. Even if family offers to financially help you now, it is not sustainable for them or fair to their immediate families.

Maybe none of what people have responded so far is what you were hoping to hear, but it is from the voices of experience so please heed the advice and wisdom given to you. I wish you all the best as you work out your plan.

Hi Ilene2
Have you spoken with your Area Agency on Aging? You might give them a call and see if they can help you plan for your future.

My husband used to provide yard care for a sweet lady who was determined to stay in her home. She was also confined to her bed with a myriad of health issues. She hired helpers to cook, clean, and provide her with bed baths, changing, and other hygiene. She read or watched tv during the day. At night, all helpers left and she was locked in her home, confined to bed for about 10-12 hours alone. It simply terrified us, knowing if she experienced someone breaking in or a house fire or some other emergency, there was no way for her to obtain help in any timely way. Please consider this as you make your plans, bad things don’t just happen to other people

First you need over 200k a year out of pocket to hire just an aid to make this work as long as you have funding. You can start by consulting with a geriatric life care specialist but for that amount of money that you need to spend each year for care, you will not find more financial aid except Medicaid and it will need to be in a facility.
https://www.aginglifecare.org/
Financial advocate:
https://secure.aadmm.com/find-a-dmm/
They both will require about $200 per hour of work for your predicament.
Your profile says you need lots of good advice, but you do not own a home and a friend helps take care of you who I hope you pay her.