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Is there someone who could check her behavior that she will bow to? If so, I’d make that person your new best friend and let them in on the situation. Ask that should she attack you in public, your relative can say a quick word like, “Oh, Doris! That’s not kind to your wonderful daughter! Where’s your Christmas spirit?” All with a smile, and perfectly friendly, of course.

Generaly speaking, I am a coward. I don’t like heights, or spiders (GAWK!), and snakes, (God forbid), but I cannot cower to a bully, much less stand by and silently stand witness to it. Is there no one that you can take aside?

There’s power in numbers.
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Ella2021 Dec 2021
Good reply. There's strength in numbers. Caregivers generally find themselves alone, but if you can get a family member or friend in your corner, you have a true gift!
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Is she with it enough that she will realize she is left behind? I personally would not ruin my Holiday for a person who has no idea what she is saying or doing. Can you hire someone to sit with her?

Is she like this in the beginning of the party? Is she sundowning? Could it be she is getting tired. My Mom lasted about an hour and then was ready to go home. She got overwhelmed with too much going on and too many people. Maybe taking Mom for a short time and then taking her home with a sitter. Then u can enjoy the rest of the party.
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RichCapableSon Dec 2021
How gross a way to look at the person that gave birth to you. You have no idea what this woman can remember. Some AD patients remember the person that hurts them. Late stage AD patient goes to the chiropractor in Alabama. He cracks her back while she's lying face down on his cot. It does that chiropractor cot break down, and he body goes down a couple of inches. She gets upset because he shoved on her so hard, not realizing she could take it that way, as a battery on her person.

She got up and told everybody what he did on the way out. the next week she let me take her back saying nothing about the "battery" and we go in and then from the waiting area go into the treatment room right away. First thing he asks is how are you doing, and first thing she says is You're not going to hurt me this week like you did last week. the doctor's eyes got big and he looked at me with eyebrows raised, and I said, Doc, something about the memory and inflicted pain, she remembers what it was and who did it. that's probably going to turn out to be a pathway to use for recovery in the future. Late stage for this lady was almost a decade before. Full doses of aricept and namenda and lorazepam. with my treatment I was able to take her off lorazepam and cut the aricept by half. I never saw such a recover from Alzheimer as that. And over 95 at that.

AD is caused in great part by inflammation of the brain. don't let anybody tell you otherwise. People I help get better not worse. Proof is in the pudding.
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You might have business size cards you can discretely hand out that say something like "Please excuse my companion's behavior. She has a degenerative brain disease." These types of cards are available from some health organizations, or order them printed for yourself.
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RichCapableSon Dec 2021
Well, if you stopped the inflammation in your hands, you wouldn't get arthritis. If you don't, you will. If you don't stop the inlflamattion in the prostrate, you'll end up with cancer. If you do, you won't. If you don't stop the inflammation in your lungs with Covid, you prob will die. If you do, you won't. Name me a condition and I'll show you a condition where inflammation comes in and makes it ten times worse. If you have inflammation of the brain, your memory will get worse. if you don't it won't. By the way, if someone slugs you in the head committing battery on you, your brain will be bruised and guess what it does? It heals itself. But if you were overloaded in the brain from massive inflammation, guess what, the time of healing is gonna take forever. Most people don't realize that the brain heals itself like the rest of the body.

I bet most of the people here don't know how to even start to treat inflammation of the brain. No, not aricept. No, not namenda. No not diazepines. No lorazepam or valium.

If you leave them to illness and inflammation instead of curing the inflammation, you are not allowing their brain to heal itself or their bodies to heal themselves whatever their conditions are. You must start by assuming not that you know the truth, but that you do NOT know the truth, and that you have a lot to learn. Humility leads to wisdom.
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Anyone that really knows your mother will not think twice about her actions or outbursts, and those that don't, who the heck cares what they think?
Just go and enjoy yourself, and if mom wants to make a scene, well that's on her not you, so quit losing sleep over something that will never change.
And of course you always have the option of leaving her home if she's that much of a problem as well. Best wishes.
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Is this agitation/ anxiety that your mom starts to experiencewhen in social settings?

Consider recording some of these untoward reactions and getting her to a geriatric psychiatrist for evaluation and treatment.
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She has dementia and doesn't know what she's doing, so don't even consider calling her out. That's cruel and pointless.

I suggest she not attend holiday or public gatherings at all. It's upsetting and disorienting for a dementia patient, and since you might be the only truly familiar face, that's who she goes for. If people want to visit her, have them come to her place in smaller numbers instead.

There's really no rationale for any of it, so stop trying to understand why she's doing what she does. Remove the stimulation for that behavior, and both of you will rest easier.
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Jannner Dec 2021
Not true. If she didn’t know she wouldn’t pick and chose her target. My mother’s neurologist showed me her damaged areas (vascular dementia probably mixed with some developing Alzheimer’s) via CT scan . Her skewed behavior was determined by those areas.
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How is she getting to these events? Maybe work with the person bringing her to keep her in check. I see no reason to not call her out on her outburst. Don’t worry what others think.
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