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My husband and I are both 75. He has Parkinson’s palsy, diabetes, and vascular dementia. I have a caregiver for my husband 5 days a week, from 9 am to 3 pm. He sleeps between breakfast and lunch then again lunch to dinner. I’ve stressed myself out trying to do everything and just can’t push anymore. So, what should I expect from a caregiver?

First hand off any tasks that are getting more difficult for you to manage.
Changing bedding
Cleaning the bathroom, in general light housekeeping is normal for a caregiver.
Changing your husband when he is wet or soiled.
Just having someone there so you can run to the store.
Having someone there so you can go have lunch with friends, attend a Support Group, get your hair done....
And maybe get your husband out for a walk (only if it is safe to do so. He could be pushed in a wheelchair, or if using a walker make sure your husband has a Gait Belt on to make it safer for him and the caregiver)

I used to fix my husbands lunch and the caregiver would heat it up and give him lunch when I was out. I would make a LOT of soups and freeze them in pint jars and take a few out and thaw them in the fridge, the caregiver would pull one out, heat it up. Easy lunch.

The caregiver can also be tasked with giving your husband a shower a few times a week. That is one less stressful thing you have to do.
(sometimes caregivers are a lot better at giving showers than a family member is.)
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Reply to Grandma1954
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What are the tasks causing your stress? Those are what you need to consider having the helper do while your husband naps. You should also leave the house sometimes when the helper is there if you’re not already, even if it’s going for a walk outdoors. When my dad hired his helper, they agreed he’d shower when she was there, she didn’t help as he could do it, but she was close by for safety. She made his breakfast and lunch, and prepped a dinner for after she was gone. She took him to buy groceries and pick up meds, and to some appointments. She did light cleaning and laundry. She also read to him and was a great encourager. Ask for and expect the things that will help you and husband the most. I wish you peace in a hard time
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Reply to Daughterof1930
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Anxietynacy Jul 13, 2024
Also making beds, and changing sheets
(4)
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I assume each person has different needs, here is what my caregiver does for me.

I cannot drive anymore. My caregiver takes me where I need to go, we use my car. I can take care of my own bodily needs . She makes my bed, does my cooking, I hate to cook and it hurts my back to stand for long periods. She makes my bed and keeps the floor clean. I use Instacart for groceries, she puts them away and takes out my trash. I have a cleaning lady that comes once a month to deep clean my apartment. I hired my caregiver through a service. it is expensive, but if Yolanda cannot make it they are the ones who find a replacement for me. Also, she has workman's comp and other insurance.
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Reply to MaryKathleen
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Caregiver should help him
clean himself: shower/bath, hair, teeth
groom: comb/brush hair, shave, put on deodorant, cologne
help him dress
help him toilet: transfer to and from commode, wipe afterwards, clean hands
meals: prepare his plate of food, light cooking only, feed, clean up dishes afterwards
remind him to take his medications - only a nurse can dispense medications
check his blood glucose - you will need to give insulin
socialize - talk to him, help him with hobby/activity
light housework - straighten up room, clean up messes made by hubby at the time it happens, empty garbage can when full, wipe counter/table after meal/activity
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Reply to Taarna
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BurntCaregiver Jul 21, 2024
@Taarna

Many CNA's are medication certified these days and can give the clients their meds.

You're spot on about everything else.
(1)
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I would suggest you start here: write down everything you need done. Put in order of priority. What is most important that needs to get done that day? Add those to that day's list. May have to add doctor's appointments, grocery shopping, pick up prescriptions, haircuts., etc. Every week, on Monday do laundry and change bed linens, shower day.. Every Tuesday do some vacuuming., do mopping. Every Wednesday make sure bathrooms are clean. Thursday, another shower day. Every Friday check patient supplies such as Depends, wipes, pads, etc. Caregiver comes 5 days a week- have a list of things you want done each day. CG checks off what she got done. Every day I am there, I clean kitchen, gather garbage from bathroom and kitchen, take out to bin. And of course, this list is NOT WRITTEN IN STONE. THINGS HAPPEN. Making Meals, feeding him, changing, turning him, brushing teeth, shaving are priority and done throughout every day. He needs to be turned every 2 hours while in bed. May want to keep a daily log. The caregiver can do this. After the caregiver has been there for awhile, more and more you will not have to be "around" telling her what needs to be done. Please get out of the house! Take care of yourself! Put in cameras!
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Reply to DonnaF777
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BurntCaregiver Jul 19, 2024
@Donna

The homecare agency supplies a careplan that the caregiver follows. There's supposed to be a meeting with the client and/or their representative to discuss what the caregiver's duties will be.

I go on these kinds meetings all the time int he client's home. I check out a place and people before I even consider sending one of my caregivers in.

I get people all the time who write down what they want and expect from the caregiver. They have all the plans laid out in black and white.

Then they get told, I don't think so. The caregiver for the client in the home is who gets the help. We are not coming to clean out your basement or wash a week's worth of dishes or cook you and your family gourmet meals. If you expect a full staff of domestic servants all in one person, you don't understand what homecare is or how it works.
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Was aide hired for both of you or just your husband. If just your husband, than she only does tasks for him. If she makes him meals, she cleans up the mess. He soils his clothes, she throws them in the washer and washes them. She cleans up after him. Keeps his area clean. Should change the bed he sleeps in and clean the bath he uses.

Now if you are paying for help for both of you, she should be doing for you too. As listed below, she should be doing laundry, dishes, shopping and light housekeeping. And also helping both of you with physical help.
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Reply to JoAnn29
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BurntCaregiver Jul 19, 2024
If the caregiver is doing for both, she needs to be getting paid for two.
(4)
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Wife told me that I was to do whatever her husband could no longer do. That's exactly what she said. She wanted me to go take the bulbs out of two large Candlebras over a huge dining room table, climb up a ladder that I was told to get from the garage, unscrew the bulbs along with the shades, Wash rinse, dry, and put them all back. I was also to mow the one acre and pull the weeds. I reported this to my office. I got a call back from my office stating that she's told them she never asked me to do any of this!!!! This could have cost me my job and my livelihood. And she said she was a christian!!!! I had a son tell me that I was to ALSO take care of his mother while his father was my patient. He got angry with me when I told him I could not do that. Two for the price of one!

So much of the time I am told by wives to NOT take care of hubby, but there had to be some reason that he got all these hours of care ok'd by the VA. I am sure the wife didn't say I'm just gonna have her come in here and clean the house because that would not be a legit reason to get home health. We are to do LIGHT housekeeping... We don't come in and clean the whole house. We don't come in and clean kitchens and bathrooms and other areas of the house that are filthy. What we do is this: We are to clean up after ourselves, We clean up what we have used, messed up while taking care of our patient. We don't make meals for everybody. We don't do everybody's laundry. We are not to clean up after everybody's messes, including their dishes and the kitchen or anything else the family does. We do not make meals for everybody in the household And we do not go get fast food for everybody in the family. We are not housekeepers. Please do not take advantage of aides.

Yes , There are care plans on every patient but I have families much of the time claim that what I tell them is on the care plan is not what they said they asked for!!!

Just to let you know-- I have been doing this for thirty years and I am now 71 years old. I'm still working doing this and they still try to get me to do things they have to know that we're not supposed to be doing??? . It is sad. And caregivers get abused. And by the way , I have also been a nurse and if they end up finding out, they try to get me to do nursing duties.
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Reply to DonnaF777
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BurntCaregiver Jul 21, 2024
@Donna

You should have refused all of it. If you were hired to do personal care for the husband and light housekeeping then that is what you do.

I myself did this line of work for 25 years in the field (both agency-hired and private-duty) and now have my own homecar agency.

If you are working through a homecar agency, you do only what is outlined in the agency careplan. That is all. I never deviated from what was on the careplan when I worked for homecare agencies. The job pays minimum wage usually or just above.

You think I was ever got up on a ladder and clean a chandelier? Or mow a lawn?

Fat chance.

Often the caregiver has to explain to a client's family what our job actually is. We are not a domestic servant available to the whole family.

Private care is different. The caregiver basically designs their own job. I'd do all kinds of work if a client and their family met my price, but not if they didn't.
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Good for you for asking this. The more detailed you are, the better you can define the job to clients.

What does dh need, precisely, when it comes to toileting, feeding, bathing and transferring? What isn’t your caregiver doing regarding these?
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Reply to PeggySue2020
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The best caregivers can figure out a lot for themselves, but you will have to do some work to show them what you'd like done. Companionship is just as important as the chores, so allow some time in the schedule for just sitting and talking. Basically light house keeping (things that are wearing you out perhaps could come first), cooking, grocery shopping, taking to appointments (if your input isn't needed), and general looking around for what needs done. One caregiver took it upon herself to clean out the frig, organize the pantry, and do laundry, though I never asked her to do those things for my mom. You should use the time the caregiver is there to get out of the house and enjoy yourself.
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Reply to ArtistDaughter
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Burntcaregiver should chime in
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Reply to MACinCT
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