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We're not having any dyslexia jokes. They're not clever and they're not furry.

Getting back to Edteach's predicament, forgive me if I've missed huge chunks, but what does your wife want to do, Ed?
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Well, that's the only dyslexic joke I know and it's certainly not furry.....
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I strongly agree some things here really must change. I just stumbled across another post recently about a similar situation, and I strongly agree that people really need to stand up and act on behalf of our elders, especially those who are being taken advantage of.

It sounds to me like the farmhouse belongs to the elderly couple, so why are they sleeping in the attic of their own house? Someone else here was also wondering about this, but I, too am also wondering since it's the elderly couple's house. Someone needs to authoritatively step in and stop the situation because no one should be taking advantage of the elders. I can see them helping someone willing and able to return the favor by running errands and doing other stuff such as using their own money to contribute to the household. However, what angers many people is when the elders are being constantly drained and no one steps in to stop it. As a general rule, if you know something wrong is occurring and do nothing to stop it, you're just as guilty as the other guilty parties, and society frowns on those kinds of people. Just hearing of something like this is enough to anger any conscientious person, and because something like this also angers me, I definitely have a few tricks up my sleeve, because if I was in this situation, I would definitely act.

As for the 40 something-year-old person who stays in bed all day and doesn't contribute to the household:

It's time someone steps in and starts by making an effective plan and having back up in order to carry it out. When that plan is in place, it's time to carry it out. *I think it's more effective if someone who's been in the military a while to step in on behalf of the elders, (they serve to protect even our elders). (I would opt to hire a marine).

* Next, boldly enter the room where she's sleeping and turn on a bright ceiling light and shout at her to get off the bed right now. Remove all the linens and flip the bed over like the military would when dealing with trainees who won't get up. If the bed can't be flipped, the mattress can still be flipped unless it's a waterbed. In the case of water beds, you can pull the plug and let the water out, soaking the deadbeat.

* When the leach is out of bed, shame the young people, (specifically the unemployed deadbeat) for letting elders sleep in the attic when they themselves should be sleeping in the attic and not the elderly parents, especially since the elderly parents are now having trouble using the steps/ladder. Ask the young people what if something happened and one of the elders fell back down, starting decline? Remind them they would be held responsible if anything happened to either of the elders. Of course the younger ones don't care or they wouldn't be letting mom and dad sleep in the attic! This is why it sounds like it's time to shame them into changing things, and definitely bring up these points.

When shaming these people on what they're doing to their elders, start removing all other comforts and start by taking the TV remote away from them, and if there's a TV in that person's room, unplug it and remove it along with any other luxuries. If either of the deadbeats sleeps on a bed, couch, recliner, floor pillow or beanbag, flip it over as soon as you see either of these non-contributing leaches on any of those items. Neither of them sound like they're contributing to the household, so they don't deserve to be comfortable, (especially if they're not making any effort to better their lives). Make them sit (and sleep) on the floor (if they insist on staying). If they insist on staying, set a very strict curfew. Make them leave the house at sunrise and look for jobs, and not return until bedtime, (and set a bedtime). If they're not in by the set curfew, lock them out for the night (and don't give in by letting them back in). This is the practice of homeless shelters because the aim is not to enable people, but force them into productivity. Don't feed them at all no matter how much they beg and plead. Don't give into anything they say or do if they return past curfew and you've already locked up for the night. It was their fault they didn't follow curfew, make them pay the consequences. Put a lock on the fridge and all of your pantry cupboards. Yes, lock up all the food and keep the key on you. Another thing you can do to secure your staples if your cupboards aren't really high enough quality to be locked, get an extra fridge and put a lock on it. Remove all of your staples and store them all in the extra fridge and lock it up. You can also use a deep freezer for the staples, just make sure it's not in use (and put a lock on that). Don't even leave a clue of even a crumb for them. God's word even says that if a man won't work, neither shall he eat. The same goes for non-contributing women, because there should be no deadbeats anywhere.

One more trick you can also try is to only bring in enough food to feed each person for that meal.
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Part two

One more trick you can also try is to only bring in enough food to feed each person for that meal. You can also consider taking the elders out to eat, you can even take them to soup kitchens if there's a good one locally. The idea is to temporarily minimize the amount of food stored at home long enough for the deadbeats to leave. This is what should happen to people who won't work. These days there's computers, which give more opportunities to contribute to society (everyone can do something). It's just not fair to the aging parents that they're broke and doing without necessities due to deadbeats.

Set some very strict rules and enforce them with very serious consequences.

The idea is to drive out the deadbeats because they're not contributing to the household, or even the elders bank account. Ever wonder why elders are often broke towards the middle or end of the month, and maybe even sooner? This is only one example of why this happens among other contributing factors.

The deadbeats should both be working and bringing in some form of income and paying rent. Right now it sounds to me like they're also squatters in this case. I recently posted on how to very effectively get rid of squatters in another case because the tips I gave is exactly what I personally would definitely do in a heartbeat.

If the other young person in this house is old enough to work, that person should also follow the strict curfew. In the case of minors (specifically teens), there are odd jobs they can do such as mowing the lawns during the summer and shoveling snow during winter. I'm sure there are probably other odd jobs they can do to make money and contribute to the household, and this would be a very smart move. I would also call the CPS and have the minor taken. That way, at least one of them is out of the house and away from the elders they've been taking advantage of. When CPS investigates, be honest and tell the truth and admit you want these people out of that house because you plan to go for guardianship of the elders. Sometimes one elders are being unfairly treated and financially abused in anyway or neglected, it's often necessary for a court appointed guardian to take over. This is when the APS comes in handy. I think the CPS will probably act much faster if there is a minor living in the house and you're trying to put them out with the deadbeat, because they'll definitely take the minor who becomes suddenly homeless and is not being taken care of.

I'll clue you in on something else:

If the elders are constantly broke, they can't really afford themselves let alone trying to raise a child. If there's a single nonworking parent, there's obviously no income so that nonworking single-parent can't afford the child either, and that's when kids shouldn't even be in the picture. This is where CPS comes in handy. Elders aren't responsible for someone else's kids or their duties, especially when elders are very often just scraping by to survive. These deadbeats are living off the elderly couple now, but ask them what will happen when something finally happens to the elders and they're no longer there to support them?
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As far as my personal position goes, I do not feel any responsibility nor that I even want to. I never got along with my in-laws. They were arrogant and condescending and pushed my wife to marry someone who was stronger in the cult. They even pushed for her to get an attorney when we had some problems getting along. They were never really very good to my wife. Another long story. So in short I don't feel any responsibility to help. That said my wife has been a wonderful spouse and helped me through many issues including when my Father was ill. So what I do feel is that my wife does not need my criticism or my complaining no matter how right I feel I am. I need to support her. But I also will not spend money to help her parents bad decisions. I spent a few hours calling and at this point the Kentucky Social Service told me other than SNAP there is little they can see that can be done. I know what part the cult played in this issue and I don't need to discuss it any farther. It will be hard to walk the knifes edge to support my wife, and at the same time keep our finances from being used to support her SIL and parents. My wife does not owe her parents any financial support. I can remember when they did not have any money to buy food and took her small amount of baby sitting money and used it, also her grandfather bought her a car for graduation and my wife's father sold it and kept the money. At the same time he fixed up a Pontiac La mans for her brother who was the golden child. So she owes them nothing.
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Hi Ed
You were brought up in a cult and broke out of it. I can't imagine how hard that was. You have assisted others to break loose. The JW has had a terrific toll on your life and from your posts I begin to understand that they have a toll on the greater society. Now you are trying to navigate this maze in order to bring assistance to your Inlaws without getting caught back up in the quicksand of cult life. It's a really tough problem. You might have some answers for the family but I don't imagine they want to hear criticism of their chosen life's work. I can understand the SIL being depressed. She's trapped and wrapped up in an apathetic life which she has most likely also fostered upon her children. As you mentioned, it's harder to stay blind today than it was a few generations ago. Her life will most likely be better when her parents are out of it because it will force action of some type to survive. FIL may not have converted many others but it seems he's held his daughter and her family hostage in this mind set of waiting. So you already know that the Inlaws aren't going to leave their attic to move into your basement. Have you considered that the only way to help them might be to get the whole family jump started? Has the 21 yr old been pressed into service for the JW? Does he work? Is he contributing to the household? Who is the person of the five that might emerge as the leader or spokesperson to get any assistance that can be had for the family there in Ten? The FIL, the nephew or maybe the niece? I think I would look for services via Internet as has been suggested and enlist the aid of the most likely person in the family to help follow up. You might start with a visit by the area on aging folks to get the Family on their radar. It might be easier to just send money or your wife to navigate assistance. But first you might try giving an encouraging word to the nephew with a heads up on the fallout you expect for his family over say the next 5 years ( if that's not looking out too far). His mother needs help now more than anyone you've mentioned. Perhaps your wife has a feel for which family member might be more willing to reach out.
IMO, real help would be to save the kids to stop the madness. You probably aren't too popular with them but I hope you continue to analysis the situation and support your wife's efforts.
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97yroldmom, from the description of things, it sounds like there's two people who took over the house and sent the elders to the attic. It's time someone who really cares about elders step up and do something even if people who were supposed to do something won't. In general, society frowns on people who know somethings going on and does nothing to stop it. I strongly agree with seriously frowning on people who won't step up to the plate just because they "don't feel any responsibility" "it's not their job" or "someone else will do it". Doing nothing when you know something wrong is going on just continues the cycle of enablement, and that's wrong on every level. All too often people shy away when really they should step up to the plate and do something. It's up to others to step in and protect our elders. When elders are vulnerable, that doesn't give people the right to take advantage of them like what's being described here. When elders are vulnerable, it's up to us to watch out for them and watch for warning signs and even report problems. Not doing so makes us just as guilty as the wrongdoers
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Take it from someone that has seen and experienced JW's. The cult will suck the life out of anyone and anything they can get there claws in and then abandon anyone or anything once the money is gone. If your wife can get POA then she can get Govt. assistance, Medicaid, or whatever is needed to care for her parents. The sis and kids will be on their own, as they should be. The fact that her parents are living in the attic and having to deal with the stairs and sis's family downstairs speaks volumes. Get control then assist. No other solution makes sense. Otherwise you both will be dragged down into the JW run vacuum.
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,411 is for information, 911 is for emergency, and we have 211 which is for abused spouses, temporary housing for the abused, etc....social workers , and all that... Tell dad he cant' take care of mom any more, it's too much for him, you are afraid you will lose both of them from all this stress. Daughter in bed needs to get out of bed, and start helping around...Start figuring out how much the farm is worth, how much it will cost to move then into assisted living, and get that ball rolling...plant that seed in dad's head, dad you need help with mom, start looking near you and them....just look, you don't need to do anything more than that...for now..Sister, dad & mom can't do this anymore, we are looking at zillow to see how much farm is worth, etc. Start inquiring about places and local help.....
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just inquire about places, look online, and if you see mom & dad, visit some places. They will give you a tour and a free lunch at some places....Make it fun and not stressful...I keep my geriatrics close to home so I can drop in and visit anytime I can..I don't call ahead either...I like the pop in surprise.
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Maybe JW has turned around, doubt it, but you can ask about what services they have for the elders who lived beyond the END OF TIME....
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IloveMom,

Any time you visit, it's always a good idea to call ahead because some people just don't like surprises when they could come at the worst possible times, which can also cause aggravation in some people. There are privacy laws for a reason, and you just have to be able to honor those laws and still be able to check on your loved ones.

One thing I learned on this site is about in-home video monitoring from a remote location. Perhaps this would be a good idea if your elders show any discomfort with the frequency of visits or if they show discomfort with the unannounced ones. It's always good to plan ahead and confirm with them since unannounced visits can come at the worst possible times, causing even more aggravation. I among many others in this particular kind of group just won't answer the door to unexpected or unannounced company. Some people who live alone have this practice especially knowing unannounced visitors can and sometimes do come at the worst possible times. Let's say you're in the bathroom taking care of business when the doorbell rings or let's just say you got undressed and you're headed to the shower, or perhaps you're in the shower or just got out. That's among the worst possible times it's not really a good idea to just show up unannounced. This does not give the person a fair enough chance to be ready for your visit and it can actually come across as very rude and inconsiderate. I'm not trying to hurt anyone's feelings here, but take it from someone who even had one particular unannounced visit at a time I was doing math homework as a college student. The person showing up unannounced and just walking right in and refusing to leave really didn't help matters any especially since I had an upcoming test. No matter the situation, just showing up unannounced can be an aggravation for some people. You may want to consider this before just showing up because you never know how the person really feels even though they may not have the guts to tell you the real truth and may lie to you to spare your feelings. I've learned a lot from experience and I've had a chance to learn from other people. Now that I'm older and more mature, I strongly believe in doing unto others as I would want them to do unto me. If I would not want an unannounced visitor, I practice not showing up unannounced because I prefer to wait for an invite. That way, the person doesn't (even secretly) experience aggravation or resentment toward me. When expecting visitors, I'm one of those kinds of people who must know when they're coming and what time to watch for them. I practice the same respect for others.
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