My mother is one of the most miserable humans on Earth, and has been for years. Whenever anyone has asked her "How are you doing?", for as far back in my memory as I can reach, I can never remember her saying "I'm fine". Now she's smoked herself to death. She has COPD, CHF, steroid-induced diabetes, a colostomy, osteoporosis, bone spurs in her neck, neuropathy in her limbs, brittle skin that tears at the drop of a hat...the list seems endless. She refuses to get out of bed to try to exercise to keep up any strength, and wants me to do more and more and more for her.
She's in the hospital right now because of a fall last week. She says her knees gave out.
I don't think it's so horrible that I just want this woman to finally have some peace, and yes, honestly, for the rest of us around her to have some as well. The discord and disharmony this narcissist spreads with her always ALWAYS negative attitude takes a toll. She will never change, and her health will only continue to go downhill.
I realize that I don't get to make the decision of when she goes, but I will admit that I do want her to. I think it's the only way she'll finally be "fine".
I put some time into therapy and it's too bad more people can't or won't do that. I love the term "human condition" because we all struggle. I don't think there is a family that isn't semi dysfunctional, but you do have a choice in how you deal with that. I'm far from perfect, but I'm really into personal growth. It's not easy or perfect. I'm always making mistakes and chadtising myself, but if I was perfect I don't think I'd be human.
My dad was in pain at one point and nothing seemed to work. I talked to his doctor about an overdose as well as my mother's priest and both made me feel slightly ashamed. But I loved my dad and I knew he would have agreed so I've forgiven myself.
Parents aren't perfect and some should never have been parents in the first place. Anger is normal, but don't let it ruin your life. Talk to a professional.
Cat
I'm sorry you received such a rude and insensitive post on your wall. That was truly ignorant and definitely uncalled for. I agree, if someone cannot be helpful and understanding of our difficulties and challenges trying to be caregivers they should be on another site where that can be as rude as their narrow minds allow.
I'm sorry you were subjected to that kind of harrasment maybe you should report his post and let the administrators deal with him, :-(
((HUGS))
Cara
This point was brought home a couple weeks ago to me. One of my dogs had a cancerous tumor. I cried on the way home from the vet. I felt bad that I cried over the dog, but I don't cry about my father, with his dementia, his prostate cancer they can do nothing about (he is in no pain).....
So, you are not bad for wishing the parent to pass on....as long as you want them to pass on to end their suffering, and not because you are angry at them.
She has finally been approved for VA Aid and Attendance.
My question is if I move her into my home in Florida and hire home care will she loose the VA Aid and Attendance.
Also what steps will I need to take to do this.
Some have been battered and abused, but you give that no consideration. You just go on with your insanity, judging everyone. If you want to continue to do what you are doing for your mom, that's fine. Why don't you just leave AC and spend the rest of your life being the sick person that you are and not submit anyone else to your ridiculous comments. You do not bring one ounce of humanity to this site.
My guess is that you have a whole bunch of crap in your little closet. You can't live beyond your narrow confines and you resent it. So you strike out at everyone else who shares their heart. None of us are perfect, but we tell the truth and we try our best.
Thank you for posting on my wall and flipping me off. You are truly a role model.
Cattails
What can we do to avoid being dragged down? One thing I encourage are 'little victories'. These are not wins over the person you are caring for - they are actually just little wins over life. Getting five minutes to enjoy a cup of coffee in the garden; making time to listen to a piece of music you love - little victories are not about massive achievements, just small ones. Most people take such things for granted but we must elevate them in our minds so that they are much more significant - because they are.
None of this will change the person though. Nothing is very likely to change the person. The personality and life-engagement that they have had for so many years is not going to be very influenced by us whatever we do. At the end of the day, they are still responsible for their own situation and - more importantly - how they respond to that.
We often cannot change the world around us very much - but we can change how we respond and react to it. Most people never 'get' that. Many people will see dark clouds on a sunny day; they will hear moans in the birdsong; You are not really able to change it - you just want to escape from the world that they create. And little victories (seeing the blue sky despite the storms) is just one way that might help.
As negative as others are, you must constantly be positive. A hard call indeed, I know. And don't blame yourself when you fail as you will. Just remind yourself that at other times you will succeed. Because you will.
I care for my Mom too but all my children are grown... Call your local Area Agency on Aging and see if they can help OR call a local home care agency to see if they offer respite care. Many nursing homes and even assisted living facilities will offer short term respite. Either a two week stay (medicare will pay for) or day time respite like adult day care!!! take care and God bless...