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Okay, so now that my dad is back home and doing fairly well, my brother has decided to cause more trouble. 6/7 yrs ago when my parents & I went to see an attorney and draw up the dpoa, plenary guardianship and health care surrogate, the first attorney we went to wouldn't do it. She said my dad had dementia and recommended another attorney. He drew up the papers but said my dad had dementia as well and anything after that he wouldn't do either. Now back in the present, my dad fell and was in AL for 3 wks. That's when my brother started all the trouble. There was a social worker there who I told to access my dad for dementia and was told they're not a memory facility. Then you guys said to make an appt with a neurologist.(working on it). I had no idea that my brother was in daily contact with this social worker, Ashley. She would never return my calls and was never available for me to speak to. Well tonight I find out that my brother has been in contact with her since my dad's release and I believe he's trying to get this Ashley to state that my dad has no signs of dementia!!! Seriously??? I believe he's trying to draw up a new dpoa and will.
My question is can she do this? Should I go there tomorrow and let them know this is not professional and to stay out of it? I have no idea why he would want to do all this when he is in NJ other than the money and home??? My mom/dad deeded me the home and the bank account would go to my brother. Not sure how to proceed here.

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Bluejasmin, you have travelled so far! From being a hostage on a plane to being the Pilot in charge & flying it 👏👏

Your Brother (the rouge terrorist) has shown his true colours. Label him 'untrustworthy' (or something worse) for evermore.

I am truly sorry about your Dad's dx & condition. At the next little health event, working with your Social Worker to move him to MC may be the next plan.

Travel well.
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bluejasmine Jun 2021
Thank you so much! I couldn't have done it without all of you!
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Thanks for all the great advice. I made an appointment with his primary doc today.
Spoke to him on the phone and he told me my dad had dementia and cannot drive. He said he would not pass a cognitive test. So bring him in. He said I had to tell him that I did't want dad driving anymore before he can send the DMV a letter. So I did that also. Now I went to take dad to get bloodwork. He refused to go! And he refused to go to see his primary on Monday! I have no idea what to do from here.
Now my brother called him last night and I over heard him telling my dad to go back to the home and see Ashley. Gave him directions on how to get there. A place that he has been hundreds of times. Yet he didn't remember the name of the street. I knew he wanted to do what you guys said. Well, dad hung up and told me no he was not going. When I showed up today he was still in his lounge clothes so I know he didn't go. He never remembered any of that anyway. So I decided to go back to the AL and give this Ashley my 2 cents. I had a wonderful women meet me in the lounge. She explained that she was on vacation when my dad was staying there. She also said that Ashley is no longer with us! We had to let her go!!!!! YAYYYYYYYY.
I explained what had happened and that I wanted to see the tests they gave my dad since Ashley said that they is absolutely nothing wrong with my dad's mind.
Well, this wonderful women, her boss, Denise explained all the cognitive tests they do and how it all works. And that he should be placed in memory care. I think he actually liked it there and would do well. So we're working to get that done.
She then said that my brother calls there multiply times a day demanding to speak with Ashley and demanding Denise do what he says. She just tells him it's not going to happen. She never told him Ashley was fired! He also told her that he was down here in FL. I explained that he hasn't been here in 6/7 yrs. And then only to go to mom's funeral. She knows he only wants the money.
I can see a very steady decline daily and how he struggles for words when we're sitting down to dinner. And how he looks so lost when we're heading out the front door. I can't see him staying by himself much longer. And now no driving. I think he will decline further.
I know I'm in for more drama than broadway!
So how do I get him to the doc? Any ideas? Do I only need one doc to sign this form?
Thank you everyone for all of your advice again.
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againx100 Jun 2021
Maybe tell him a little fib, that his insurance is requiring him to go to the doctor? Or the doctor wants to see him? Offer him lunch out or something enticing?

Sounds like his days living alone are numbered or should even be over.

Your brother sounds like a real sweetheart.

Sorry you are going through so much b.s. right now!
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If Dad has no diagnosis, he can change that POA at any time, and if the Social Worker is assisting the brother in getting POA or Guardianship she can often do that in 15 minutes on the phone with a judge (temporary guardianship) so you need that neuro assessment and that active POA done NOW. RIGHT NOW. Take the paper work into the social worker, and tell her you need your Dad assessed. NOW, do know also your Dad need not be perfect to change his POA. He only needs to understand he is appointing his son in all matters, and want to do that. Then it is done by a lawyer or temporary guardianship by a judge. Also understand that when a brother and sister fight over the living mind and body of a parent often the judge removes guardianship from BOTH and appoints the state, meaning a court case can waste a lot of money. Have you and brother considered working together? Anything less may do no good for anyone.
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What was the behavior displayed by your dad that was making the attorneys believe he had dementia? He must not have comprehended what he was doing as that is what they look for. Mild short-term memory problems is usually not enough to stop them from creating a PoA for clients, it has more to do with them understanding what they are creating and what it means for them personally.

If you can't get in to see a neurologist soon, you can try your dad's primary physician and discretely request they give him a cognitive exam. Depending on his performance (and if 2 non-medical lawyers believed he had dementia while barely knowing him then he probably won't score well) this test should be enough for purposes of preventing him from creating a new DPoA.
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bluejasmine Jun 2021
I really don't know. I though he was fine at the time. My mom had lewy bodies dementia. Only had hallucinations every 3 months or so. She was a bit forgetful but nothing like my dad is now. After speaking with the director of AL, I think he displayed many behaviors of dementia years back. Not the forgetfulness exactly, but the other crazy things he would do. Like living on a couple hundred dollars a month and saving every dime for my brother. I pay most of his expenses since he's been saving the little bit of money he gets every month.
Not sure how to get him to his primary. They're waiting and need bloodwork beforehand. I think he's afraid his doctor will put him in AL.
Called his doc today and he wants his driver license #. Demanded it actually. So maybe when he gets the letter from the DMV, he'll go see his primary if he thinks that's the only way to get driving again?
Heard something today that explains my brothers behavior.
IT'S EASIER TO INVENT STORIES THAN LIVE WITH THE TRUTH.
I mean the guilt of never seeing his parents and the one time he did, he treats my mom worse than a dog. So explains his hatred to me.
At least I'm getting closer to the solution. Making an appointment to visit a really nice MC facility nearby. They said he would qualify and I think he will like it there. He loves attention.
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You need to make that SW aware that you have DPOA and other documents. That you are sure Dad has Dementia and you will be having him accessed. Get that appt with a Neurologist. It will solve your problems. Your DPOA will be in effect once you get a written diagnosis. Then you can then inform people that they don't talk to brother.
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