I can't believe I'm free (at least for the next 100 days).
Sep 18: 5AM. My SO comes running up the steps and tells me my mother has been in the bathroom for an hour. So I run downstairs thinking the worst. There she is fully clothed and sitting on the closed toilet. I honestly thought I would find her deceased. She tells me (slurring her words) that she can't get up. I get her up, walk her and her rollator to the couch and have her sit down. We were debating to call an ambulance or not. Last time it took over a half an hour as there is none in our town. We decided it would be quicker to drive her ourselves as she appeared to be stable. We get her to the ER and she and I sit from 9 in the morning to 2 in the afternoon before a room is free. While we're waiting for the doctor, I was thinking that I'm sitting here watching her die. I texted my sons and let them know what was going on. At 6 in the evening, they decide to admit her. She stays in the ER overnight. Sep 19: 8AM. She has been admitted. They continue to give her Myasthenia Gravis infusions plus saline IV to hydrate her. This is all day. Sep 20: 1130AM. Couldn't get there until then because of previous appts. She's awake, little slurring, but is bedridden. She has severe diarrhea. No sooner is she changed and she needs to be changed again; eats every bit of food. She's drinking water, but still has MG infusions. Sep 21: 8AM. Her third day. Have made arrangements with nursing home to take her; it's their last room. Sep 22: 8AM. New doctor comes in and says she stays. I'm going crazy because I was all ready to take her. Center calls me and lets me know room is still hers. Sep 23: 8AM. Diarrhea has slowed, she's eating good, still bedridden. She's going but not until 4. We beat the ambulance to the rehab center. Her roommate has taken 3/4 of the room, as she has been by herself for sometime. Squeeze Mom in space, she's weighed and changed. She lost 3 1/2lbs. Intake person calls me and let's me know that even though he wasn't there, he left a packet for me to start working on her being there permanently. Inside I'm dancing. She may be there for only 100 days, but I am going to enjoy every one of them. I had several options on where to put her but the closest one to us is 1/2 hour away. I know that my family will not stir to come see her, as they haven't in the past 5yrs, so only my children know where she is. This will give me time to nail down the Elder Care lawyer, traveling notary and carry out her wishes to the letter. I did surprise myself because sitting in the ER the first night, I teared up, which I thought I would never do for such a horrible, narcissistic mother. BTW, I did do a little jig as I was walking out the door.
Keep on dancing!
For yourself, and for others, if you don't want to sit in an ER all day long then call EMS. They go directly into a cubicle while you wait, which is the reason that you DO wait. If it is critical call EMS.
Glad she is in care.
Your costs in Original Medicare
In each benefit period (2024), you pay:
Days 1 - 20: $0. (Note: If you're in a Medicare Advantage Plan, you may be charged copayments during the first 20 days. Check with your plan for more information.)
Days 21 - 100: $204 each day
Days 101 and beyond: All costs
Part A limits SNF coverage to 100 days in each benefit period.
The fact that the social worker has already given you a packet for a permanent stay is a good sign. I suspect the packet includes an application for Medicaid LTC coverage. They seem pretty sure she will meet the medical necessity requirement, but she also has to meet the financial requirement in terms of assets and monthly income.
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You have mentioned some severe conditions you are copying with - maybe its time to look into options of your mother living in proper care facility and you just visit. Speak to the centre/doctor and find out your options. Sounds like you need me time and to get on with your own life.
I hope you get the 100 day respite.
What's the aim now?
Have a break while Mom is in rehab? Then what? Home again with Mom hopefully as well as she can be & you rested & revived?
PS "I ended up having to lift her in and out of the car".
If you wanted a break, why join your Son & Mom for lunch?
The bra problem...Daughter asked me where I put them. In her side table with her socks. That was the problem. Aides dress from the top down. They don't see the bra till they get to the socks. By then the resident is dressed and they have to go to the next resident. I put my Moms clothes in sets on a hanger so the bra went there too.
I have seen aides in scrubs with longsleeve tops underneath so weird they don't dress Mom that way. Clothes in someone elses closet, pet peeve of mine. Labels were put in by the facility and no one seemed to know how to read. By putting Moms clothes into sets I was able to know what was missing. I went thru the other closets. Each aide has at least 10 residents they must get up and ready for breakfast.
Daughter says to pick your battle. Nothing will be done for Mom like you did it. I was ready to have Moms hair cut short because the aides never combed it right, I wanted her to be dressed nice and her hair done right. She had Dementia, she should have at least that. After my daughter took me thru the day of an aide, I understood so much more. The Nursing staff rarely does hands on. So you need the aide on your side. Ask, don't tell.
SOC will mean that once she files for LTC Medicaid almost all the monthly income paid to her (e.g. her SSA $) will become a copay to the NH. The NH gets this $ in addition to whatever $ the State LTC program has set as its daily reimbursement rate. All she will be able to retain is a smallish Personal Needs Allowance, which varies by State. So if your mom has debts, has CCs, has life insurance premiums, has a mo bill for a preneed burial policy, she realistically will not have any $ to pay those bills once on LTC Medicaid. If she still has a home or a car, LTC allows for her to retain them as exempt asset for her lifetime but due to the SOC no $ to pay their various costs. Basically they default on all debts unless their POA or family choose to pay them. & se that continue to own car or home, then deal with the required attempt of Medicaid Estate Recovery done in whatever form by your State.
If your mom has more assets that allowed, she will have to do a “spend down” of her assets before she becomes LTC Medicaid eligible. If this is her, think about what debts would be good to pay down or pay off now and before that SOC requirement has to happen. Lots,of us on this forum have done spend downs, so ask ?s of that is your quandary.
Most States have income max @ $2829 and nonexempt asset max @ 2K. If either category is more, she will be considered “over resourced” and ineligible till she gets under the max. Just what has to happened depends on the type of income & asset. The site has articles on all this. Good luck and stay organized!