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He is convinced that they must be thrown away and nothing that I say makes a difference. Right now, I'm just going through the garbage every day to find his clothes. Any suggestions?
If you have tried to detour his thinking and can’t, or if you have tried suggestions from this post and they didn’t work, my only suggestion is just get use to it. My mother, and apparently your DH?? , no longer have reasoning skills. You can talk, show examples, try to show all sides, try to reason, and in the end, YOU are the one who is exhausted, frustrated and just plain worn out. Pick your battles. Tell your little white lies. Do whatever you need to do to keep the peace. I wish you luck. It is a very hard, rocky road.
Perhaps put an empty trash bag on top of the other trash so clothes go in on top… or take out trash last thing at night or first thing in morning so the clothes don’t mingle. So sorry .
I think you are going to have to have one trash container ( for his clothes in the house and ALL real trash take outside to a can on the porch/padio. Unfair- Yes, wasted time- yes . Problem solving strategy- saves the samity. Unfortunately you pick your battles. If this is an annoyance or it is raising your blood pressure? try to think up/research ways to problem solve this ( come up to bathroom door- i have the trash can here -throw it in) or decide if this is the last straw you cant do anymore and look into services/health center
I would be furious at what he is doing but if he has mental issues, nothing you say or do is going to stop him. Why are his clothes wet? Does he go into the shower with clothes? Please explain. Perhaps you can find one garbage pail and put it in the room or some place that only his clothes end up and you can wash them. If nothing works, I think you better consider the fact he is going to get worse and impact your life to a great extent. Do you want that? Maybe it is time to think of getting him placed.
Just designate that particular trash can DH is using for his wet clothes as his 'laundry hamper' b/c you won't be able to change what he's doing anyway. If you can, have a couple of different garbage cans around so there isn't only one in use for ALL 'trash' items. I have a trash can in almost every room in my house, so the smelly kitchen trash doesn't mix in with the paper items in the den. If you can do something similar, you having to pick his clothing out of the trash won't be such a big deal.
Dementia is terrible, I know. I hope you can manage a workable solution to this issue! Good luck!
If you mean by "wet," urine soaked pants, your poor DH is no doubt horrified that he has made a mess and wants it to be thrown far away. If you let him use that trash can for his wet clothes and don't use it for anything else, you can treat it as laundry later if you want to. If he would use it, you can substitute a "diaper pail" type trash can for the trash, so the closed lid can contain much of the odor if that is a problem.
I don't think you can persuade him not to throw away his clothes. How many garbage containers do you have? Does he throw garbage as well as clothes into the containers? My city asks us to sort our garbage into paper, food, and cans/bottles. Could he understand the concept of recycling? (Tell him your city now wants clothes to go in a separate container.) Or state that a charity offers cash for discarded clothes so put them into this special garbage can? Or let him use the old garbage container, but purchase a new one that you use only for garbage? If he uses only one container to throw garbage (which includes clothes), then you don't have so many containers to sort through. But maybe the problem is that he can't understand the difference between garbage and hamper. In that case he just has the desire to discard his clothes, which is a correct desire, but no longer can distinguish between garbage "hampers" and clothes hampers. Are the clothes wet because of urine? Maybe in that case they will seem to be "garbage." All you can do is try to provide a garbage container that he will preferentially use for his wet clothes so that he gets to throw his clothes in "the garbage" but you have less sorting to do. Best wishes.
You've got it. It doesn't make any difference what you say to a person with dementia as they will think what they think. I would either put a lock on the door to the trash or I would have a different Trash Container for trash that I use so at least there won't be trash mixed with his wet clothes.
This makes me chuckle as my Mum on the other hand just doesn’t want to have her clothes washed! There was no convincing her that they needed washing so I just learnt to do it as she was asleep or distracted with something. I’d somehow maneuver her clothes out of her room bit by bit. Anyhow she caught on to the fact that her clothes were hanging on the line or drying rack and said “I KNEW IT, you are constantly throwing my clothes in the wash, stop it! You are ruining my clothes! So,.. fast forward,... I now have a clothes dryer and voila, her washing completes and magically appears back in her room in 2.5 hours 😂
I wouldn’t try fight against it,... just replace them back/find a trick.
I would put a trash bag on his hamper if you can or get one that you can it may stop the trash can one who knows. I am dealing with that too dementia with brother in law because I am his rep payee and sort of caregiver he throws perfectly good food away. He also uses dawn dish soap as his shampoo and sponges with scratcher for his washcloth. Prayers!
Welcome to the World of Dementia! You can screen. you can cry. You can scold. You can beg. You can ______ (fill in your word.) Whatever you do, it will NOT make any difference! Whatever you do DO NOT get angry because you will only hurt yourself. You need to wait this behavior out. Get used to it because more changes are coming. Later, a new undesirable behavior will replace it.
I guess that's better than what my mother was doing, trying to wash her Depends. She never did get it that they are disposable and should be thrown out. That phase passed afer a while. Try not to get upset over it. You just have to do what you are doing and try to find ways to manage it. You can't reason with or give instructions to someone with dementia. Their minds are in their own place.
You have such a great attitude to dementia caregiving! Just do what you have to do and manage your stress because you can’t reason with someone with dementia. Yes, their minds are in their own place. I have to adjust my thinking to deal with their thinking!
It will be hard to stop his habit. Leave garbage bins in the house only for his clothes. Throw "real garbage" in a bag and into the trash outside. You can always divert the "thrown out clothes" to the laundry when he is asleep of focusing on something else in another room. Might also want to talk to his doctor about this obsessive habit since it might be driven by anxiety.
Where's the garbage can? Need to put a lock on the door leading to it, and keep it locked and you keep the key. My mom was regularly throwing out things we needed and we have huge bins for our trash...1 for trash, 1 for reyclables. Ultimately invested in some locks found on Amazon, with two cables that have loops in the end and meet and then you can run a small lock through the loops. We opted for a luggage lock with combination, so no one would have to chase down or lose a key. Did the trick.
I think everyone is on the same page here. Use the trash bin as the laundry hamper. Let him think that he is discarding the clothes instead of trying to correct ha behavior. Place another trash can elsewhere for you to actually use for your garbage.
WearyJean, Tomorrow, there may be something new in the way of behavior(s).
Your solution is great!
He may leave this behavior behind.
When he removes his clothes is the time to pre-empt this behavior by taking the clothes away. Even if you need to say: "Here, let me throw those away for you."
I also would provide a "special garbage" container for his wet clothes. Make it a different color than other containers so he can easily pick the one for soiled clothes. You may still have to go through trash. I have to ask ...does he have a lot of wet clothes? Is he wearing an incontinence brief? Either Pull up type or tab brief? Or is it a pad that is inserted in his regular underwear? I would encourage going to the bathroom every hour or two. If he drinks a lot or urinates a lot then 1 time an hour might prevent some of the wet clothes. But.. As you say dementia provides something new everyday. If this is the only major "thing" at this point I would not stress a lot about it as it should be easy to catch most of the items that end up where they don't belong.
He's wearing pullup Depends. It's usually only overnight that they get super wet and his clothes absorb the excess. Good idea about the extra garbage can - I'll try it.
How about providing a special "trash can" for his wet clothes, you can tell him it's so the regular trash can doesn't overflow. (If you have an extra large bin inside you may need to replace it with a smaller kitchen sized one.)
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
My mother, and apparently your DH?? , no longer have reasoning skills. You can talk, show examples, try to show all sides, try to reason, and in the end, YOU are the one who is exhausted, frustrated and just plain worn out.
Pick your battles. Tell your little white lies. Do whatever you need to do to keep the peace. I wish you luck. It is a very hard, rocky road.
Unfair- Yes, wasted time- yes . Problem solving strategy- saves the samity.
Unfortunately you pick your battles. If this is an annoyance or it is raising your blood pressure?
try to think up/research ways to problem solve this ( come up to bathroom door- i have the trash can here -throw it in)
or decide if this is the last straw you cant do anymore and look into services/health center
Dementia is terrible, I know. I hope you can manage a workable solution to this issue! Good luck!
It doesn't make any difference what you say to a person with dementia as they will think what they think.
I would either put a lock on the door to the trash or I would have a different Trash Container for trash that I use so at least there won't be trash mixed with his wet clothes.
I wouldn’t try fight against it,... just replace them back/find a trick.
You have to laugh so much of this is so awful. I'm stretched to the limit and so far, not this. So far.
My mom was regularly throwing out things we needed and we have huge bins for our trash...1 for trash, 1 for reyclables. Ultimately invested in some locks found on Amazon, with two cables that have loops in the end and meet and then you can run a small lock through the loops. We opted for a luggage lock with combination, so no one would have to chase down or lose a key. Did the trick.
I know that you are doing your best, and that it is frustrating.
Tomorrow, there may be something new in the way of behavior(s).
Your solution is great!
He may leave this behavior behind.
When he removes his clothes is the time to pre-empt this behavior by taking the clothes away. Even if you need to say: "Here, let me throw those away for you."
Make it a different color than other containers so he can easily pick the one for soiled clothes. You may still have to go through trash.
I have to ask ...does he have a lot of wet clothes? Is he wearing an incontinence brief? Either Pull up type or tab brief? Or is it a pad that is inserted in his regular underwear?
I would encourage going to the bathroom every hour or two. If he drinks a lot or urinates a lot then 1 time an hour might prevent some of the wet clothes.
But..
As you say dementia provides something new everyday. If this is the only major "thing" at this point I would not stress a lot about it as it should be easy to catch most of the items that end up where they don't belong.