My brother is now in hospice. When he passes, do I tell my mother? My instinct is to tell her maybe on two different days then not mention again unless she asks. She’s high functioning but extreme short term memory loss. She never asks about him now. I would absolutely want to know but would I be putting on avoidable stress? I feel pretty certain she will forget within 5-10 minutes.
When her brother passed away last year, I didn't tell her for fear she would be too upset. But her sister went and told her, so my mother cried one whole day, and the next few days but less. She kept asking many times everyday when the funeral would be and insisted on going. So, she cried again at the viewing, at the funeral, and at the burial. She still remembers that her brother passed away, but she has accepted it and doesn't cry anymore.
She was also told of a death of an old friend whom she hadn't seen for over 10 years. That news didn't affect her at all.
My guess is that your mother would take the news very hard because it's her son. For parents, the worst pain would be the death of a child. Best not to let her know.
I had to watch on camera as a family member told my aunt of the death of a loved one. She left my aunt without so much as a hug. Sometimes we think the decision is all ours and then we learn that it is not. This person was not close to aunt. She was asked to tell her “ in case someone else did, so she would know. “
No, just you idiots told her and then left her to grieve alone and then not really know why she was so sad. For days she would ask “ did someone in the family die?”
I will pray for you, this is a hard thing you are going through, God gives strength to the weary.