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Emmjay, I remember when my Dad had sundowners. He would call me from Memory Care where he was living, saying his work meeting went on too long, thus he missed the bus and will stay there at the hotel, so he won't be home that evening.

His mind was looped back to the 1940's back when he use to take the bus to work, and he had a lot of meetings back then. I would just play along with this, telling him it was ok, that I heard the hotel was very nice, etc.

Now if the patient is saying things that are down right mean and untruthful about others, that is another matter. Thankfully my Dad never went through that. Others here on the forum have had personal experiences with it, so they can help.
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The short answer is no, they usually don't mean those things. Sometimes my FIL apologizes to us when he's in his right mind again, but he doesn't always remember the things he said when he was confused or sundowning. Try not to take it personally, although I know that's hard.
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I have been very lucky. When my mom sundowned, she would tell me that she either saw an old co-worker, that Hillary Clinton brought her dinner, that Obama had a meet and greet in her neighborhood and that Trump has come to see her with is little daughter Ivanka. Now that she is in a memory care unit she tells me all sorts of tales. I just go along with them.
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