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My mom is going to be 98 in a few weeks, she on a puree diet and she refuses to eat with a spoon....she eats with her hands. She eats all her food that way. Is it okay for her to do it for sanitary reasons? She's in s nursing home. She won't get out of bed either.

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Maybe she can't manipulate the spoon, will she eat if someone feeds her?

My mom needed a pureed diet too but there were some things she could handle just fine, crunchy little tidbits that dissolve easily like cheerios and potato chips. Maybe you could try to occupy your mom with feeding herself these plus have someone spoon feed her.

As for it being sanitary - I wouldn't count on staff being meticulous about washing her hands before and after.
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At 98...I wouldn't hassle her on this. Just make sure she has a good 'apron' on and let her eat the way she wants.

Sounds like she's regressing to being a small child and eating with her hands.

If her hands are washed before and after eating and after toileting, she should be OK. The world is pretty germy, TBH and there's not a ton you can do about that.

If she wants to stay in bed--again, at 98? What's the issue? I see LOTS of people in NH's who do not get out of their beds. The worry with that is obviously the possibility of bedsores. Just make sure she's dry and moved around so no hotspots can occur.
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My uncle lost all ability to feed himself in his final stages of Parkinson’s disease. He was on a puréed diet too. The NH staff helped him during meal time.
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98!!! OP, you’ve done an amazing job keeping her alive. I hope she’s happy, has moments of happiness. 98 is amazing.

You’re amazing OP.

About your question:
If I were you, I wouldn’t worry about her eating with her hands. She’s survived SO MANY things to reach 98. Her body is strong.

Your parents taught you not to eat with your hands. But as we all know, it can be kind of fun. It can even be more tasty!

It’s great she has an appetite :).

Never mind hygiene of eating with her hands. She’ll survive that, too. She’s obviously survived everything else so far. Of course, it’s better if NH washes her hands, before and after.
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sp196902 Aug 2023
Please stop celebrating keeping people alive until they are 98 or 100 years old. The woman can't eat normal food and eats with her hands. There is nothing positive about that.

It is not fun to eat pureed food with your hands and it's damn near impossible. Not to mention it looks disgusting.

Try eating soup with your hands and let us all know how that goes.
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Fortunately she is eating the food at all, since many NHs the food sucks.
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ventingisback Aug 2023
I kind of feel like anyone who says “put them in a facility”, should be forced to spend a weekend there:

Arrive Friday evening. Leave Sunday evening. Experience the whole thing. Being in a bed there, with or without a sick roommate. Eat the food. Experience the shouting day and night. Etc.

It should be obligatory:
You can’t put anyone in THAT particular facility, unless you yourself have a certificate proving you spent a whole weekend there, to get a glimpse of what it’s really like.

Also, every owner of a facility should be forced to spend 1 week in their own facility. AS WELL AS one of their family members.
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She no longer knows how to use a spoon.
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My Aunt who recently passed at 100 yrs old this spring wanted to eat with her hands. She had advanced dementia. How is she eating pureed food with her hands? Maybe just give her really soft foods she can eat with her hands. At 98, if she stops eating at any point, don't worry about getting her to eat. Is she in hospice?
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That has to be hard to watch. My mom’s nursing home would have fed anyone who wanted to only eat that way. And only residents who were truly bedridden weren’t gotten up daily. While I certainly wouldn’t worry about sanitary conditions of this, I’d ask about her decline and if hospice services are now appropriate
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