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what do you do when the family is in disagreement with the care of the loved one. thanksgiving and christmas is here and we are not speaking and the loneliness has set in
To mhnarfil, sounds like you have a good grasp of the situation. What an encouragement to read you are trusting God to help you. We all need to rely on him. I'm praying he grant you the desires of your heart!
I agree! Caregiving can show one's true colors. And yes, family members do "scatter" if not scamper away just to have an excuse. Finger pointing on who's right & who's wrong happens a lot too. I get fed up with my relatives that I seldom speak to them. It's hard to just internalize all my problems of being an only child, a single parent and the main family breadwinner all rolled into one. It leaves me empty and exhausted... I pray i will have sanity and be able to smile after all these 18 yrs of being a sandwich generation. I hope and pray it won't be long as 18 yrs is too much. I lost much of my vitality and sanity. I pray for God's decision on my predicament. He can only put a period/finality to my particular circumstance.
Sounds like a great idea, but it would take some cooperation on the part of other family members who are not interested in helping Grandma. I do not drive and cannot wheel her around very much with the carpal tunnel in my arms and hands, but I will think about your suggestion and see what I can do to get her out more often. Too bad winter is starting to set in here in North Dakota, it is really hard to get her out in the winter time. I will hope for a better winter this year, last year we had tons of snow and ice and then flooding in the spring.
Naheaton That was a great idea taking her out of the nursing home for an hour or two -if my husband had been nicer to me I would have done it the many times he was in rehab and if he had not died I probably would have taken him out for a while after he was placed. My son did take him out to a movie shortly before he died.
To IMW124: I was remembering when my mother-in-law had to go to the nursing home while she recuperated from a broken hip. I started noticing that after a month, she started just giving up and getting into this funk. And even though she was only in there for 2 almost 3 months, she was in terrible shape mentally during that time. I finally told the people that I HAD to get her out, but only for a few hours at a time. Sometimes I think that when the person complains about wanting OUT of the 'home' as my MIL called it, what they mean is they need a change of scenery. I wanted to get her out of there, even temporarily, to give her a little taste of normalcy again. I took her for ice cream and just drove around. She had a wheelchair which was a big pain to figure out, so at first I just kept her in the car. Eventually I did learn how to manipulate the wheelchair, then I took her to a mall and pushed her around. Anyway, just a suggestion. Nancy
We had a good Thanksgiving in spite of the arguments my sister and mom are having. My nephew did most of the cooking, I made the sugar free deserts (both my sister and I are pre-diabetic) and my sister did some of the side dishes. I spent part of the day over at the nursing home with mom. I have a really busy weekend coming up and not sure how much I will be able to be over there this weekend. Maybe having my sister's two cats be the center of attention helped, animals seem to have a calming effect on mom.
I love this no stress Thanksgiving I did most of the cooking yesterday and have most things ready for when my son comes up I an looking forward with just us two sitting down to eat. I was able to reach the grand-daughter at college she was not able to come home with only having 4 days off and it is a nine hr, drive each way-she and her boyfriend have been invited to a friends house for Thanksgiving dinner but the college was going to have a real Thanksgiving meal for those who had to stay. My blessing is all of you who have been a part of my life for so long.
Secretsister, I'm so glad you had your thanksgiving with the dads. And even better than you have the choice to be with your friends or just relax by the fire. You are so blessed. I look upon many of the caregivers on this site as friends, and apparently I'm not the only one. Look at how many posts there have been today - a day when so many are busy with families and meal preparations, yet still find the time and love to support each other. I am so thankful that we have each other.
Thank you, 1913. As it turned out, we had a peaceful time with the dads at their nursing home, as mom "had other plans." We ate like kings and queens, and were thoroughly pampered. The dads liked having us there, and it felt good to be there.
Now we have the opportunity to go be with friends, and share a special time with them. Unless we just stay home by the fire. My sister called (from 12 hours away) to wish us a happy Thanksgiving. (I meant to email her this morning, but wasn't sure how it would be received; family drama, you know.) But her call was a blessing, and her family is going to spend time with friends today, as well. She said mom hadn't called her, either. Wonder who mom is spending time with, if not with her own flesh and blood? None of us can make sense of her, and probably never will.
I had a wonderful time with my dad, and got some smiles and two hugs. He hugged his grandson as well, and seemed to enjoy our being there. What a blessing! FIL enjoyed us being there, too. And we them. Though not all is perfect, we do have some things (people) to be thankful for, and will mark it down as counting the good experiences as blessings.
If we think about it, God has blessed us all with food, shelter, friends, family (some are bigger blessings than others, lol), and fellow Caregivers. Praying all of you are blessed this Thanksgiving, as well, regardless of anything you have to face. Thank you all for being here, and for being an encouragement. I truly count you as blessings!
We're going to have lunch with the dads at their nursing home, which will be low key, in a special room. Then we will go with friends for the afternoon, finishing the day up sweetly, this way. Both will be a blessing; the former to us, and the latter both ways. Got the pumpkin bread baked today, yum!
Don't know what my mom is planning; as yet, she hasn't made a reservation eat with her husband (my dad). As Guardian, is that my responsibility? We prefer to have "no drama," meaning, no mama. Will have to see how things work out...
If I did not have plans for the holidays I was going to ask someone in my situation to come to my house for a simple meal in our township a dinner provides a meal for those who are alone on Thanksgiving free of charge. Sometimes it is better to be with friends than family on the holidays -holidays seem to bring out the worse in people and for those who have members who are troublesome you do not need them in your life,
I feel really bad for all of you. Thank God, I don't have brothers or sisters. It's a shame that siblings can't get along during such times. They should be there to lean on one another. Say your prayers. God can take care of any problem, large or small.
Your question that started this whole discussion has kind of been lost in the shuffle. What's happening now? Are you still at odds with the rest of your family? And what are the points on which you disagree? Is there no hope of compromise?
Sabotage. That's good terminology for what they do. Fighting against us, but very needy, too. So difficult! Yes, if we can provide cheap care, and the government be in control...using their (the elder's) money...isn't that their goal???
I, too, live in Canada, 1913. A few months back my sisters and I decided my mom, at the age of 95, could no longer continue to live in her condo alone, even with all the help she was receiving, so we took her for an interview at the neighbourhood senior's lodge. She is now in the Lodge and working at adjusting.
HOWEVER, we are sure that, from all the hints she dropped for several years before, that she believed my single sister would look after her when the need arose. BUT this arrangement would ONLY have been good for my mother and not good at all for my sister (for many reasons) so we stood firm and placed Mom in the Lodge. Now I drive over one hundred miles one way every second week and spend two to three days visiting my mom and my single sister, who has two hundred miles to drive one way, does the same on the week I am not visiting. The third sister, who lives 600 miles away comes as often as she can. In the meantime, I look after my husband who has many health problems, my single sister deals with all her problems (which our parents ignored all their lives), and my far away married sister has plenty of family issues to cause her worry. None of us are getting any younger and we were all devoted kids to our parents and did whatever we could to make them happy for decades and decades, regardless of how hard this was to do some times. Right or wrong, my sisters and I have decided that Mom is as well off in the Lodge as she would be in any of our homes. With our constant visits we know how well she is being cared for and how she is doing. This is all I will ever ask of my kids when it is MY time to go to a Lodge.
I don't know, carolsmom, what the disagreement with the rest of your family is all about. My mom has a personal directive that names all three of us sisters as her personal care directors. Because we three have worked together all our lives in doing things for our parents, I guess it is easier for us than some now, to continue to do this. If there is a difference of opinion even after a discussion, two out of three agreeing is what determines the decision. I am Mom's POA for money matters but of course I discuss big decisions with my sisters and then decide what to do based on our discussions.
Any of us COULD have given up our own lives to take Mom into our homes but each sister knew each other and Mom well enough to know that that was not the best decision for EVERYONE. Having come to that conclusion we do our level best to continue to be with Mom as often as possible (we know we visit her much more than any other offspring visit their parents in the Lodge) and we support each other in dealing with some of the doubts that we have now and then. It is not easy to protect oneself, especially when one has been raised to put oneself last but I definitely would advise others not to take on the entire responsibility of caring for a parent. If you ARE the only one who cares, then get some outside advice as to what are your options.
Do you really believe you were put on Earth to give up your life, as many of you feel you are doing, to care for an aging parent? If so, then I would think you would feel good that you are fulfilling your purpose. If not, then do what you can to see that your parent is cared for in the best way possible but get on with your own life too. You are a unique individual - there is no one else in the whole world like you, there never has been, and there never will be again so do some soul-searching and become what you were put on this earth to become. This doesn't mean you become selfish - it means you will give to the world the uniqueness that is within you.
Since our American friends will be celebrating Thanksgiving soon, I would like to suggest that we be thankful for the uniqueness of each other, that we honour it, and that we love each other for it. May God, Allah, the Great Spirit Etc. bless us all with understanding so that we can all care for each other, regardless of age, or relationship to each other.
Hi Rose, with a beautiful name, and tender spirit. I understand your frustration. Be thankful, though, that your mom is in your care, and not out on her own, battling the system. She sure is blessed to have you. I will not complain about what my government does or does not give my parents in terms of help. Beggars can't be choosers, and they blew their life's savings on pleasure, not planning for old age. Still, the facility both dads are is is par excellence bar none! So, I'll not complain. As for government waste, won't even go there... I'm only responsible for what I do. Actions speak louder than words. And faith without works is dead. Bless you, dear Rose. You not only have my support, but my respect, as well. Thank God for good Caregivers!
Try not to think of the holidays as the Norman Rockwell image of what it should be. That is like comparing yourself to a famous model after Photoshop. Remember, the whole commercialization of holidays is designed to benefit retailers. I try to focus on the blessings experienced throughout the year and make a point to show my heartfelt thanks to those kind souls who helped make those moments so memorable. It could have been a kind and gentle therapist, it could be the neighbor who brings the trash cans back in fir you etc. Many family members disappoint, and can hurt you with thoughtless words around this time of year. Focus on who is deserving and you will soon realize that you have friends who are kind and good hearted. Sometimes it is just a matter of noticing them and cultivating them.
Dear 1913, thank you for that post. You speak truth, and have a very realistic picture of Caregiving life. What a gem you are! You mother is fortunate to have you; and so are your other family members. Financially, does your mom qualify for assistance when going to the home. She'll probably miss her hootch the most, and perhaps her independence. The rest can visit her there. Enjoy those moments just for you. Hope you have a great Thanksgiving! :) So glad you're around these boards.
When my father died, my mother moved in with my husband and me. There were no other family members (three brothers and one sister) who offered to caretake. I have hopes that they will step in when we need to take a vacation.
One year later and I have no regrets about caretaking. Others have scrutinezed how I am caring for mother. I make my decisions from a love for my mother and her well being rather than how my siblings will judge me.
I suspect that when all is said and done (mother dying) that I will have lost some connections with my siblings. But there is one connection that I haven't lost, living with my conscience and liking what I see. Also prayer plays an important part of my life....
Lilli, you have hit on something important. I think it helps most of us if we think of something we can be grateful for. Some people actually make columns on paper - good and not good - and realize the rotten as some things are, there still are things to be grateful for. You are a smart lady. Carol
Love to listen to positive messages about coping with the holidays. Thanksgiving should be a time for counting our blessings, right? I plan to do so...with loving f r i e n d s. Family can remain drama enthusiastes, as long as they don't include me, LOL. We need to be grateful for the blessings we have, and make precious memories while we can. If your family is a strain, who says you have to remain miserable? Let's do something wonderful, and leave the bad stuff behind us, if possible. At least, that's my resolution. Hope your holiday is blessed beyond measure! :) And if you need a friend, there's always someone here to chat.
I'm sorry dear, but I talked so much about me in the previous comment that I went west with the question. Here's my answer:
The Holidays are the time of the year when my family is most toxic to me. They scream, fight, DRINK, and let it all hang out. Sometimes literally. So take the time to recharge, take care of yourself for a change, and expand your support network. Yes, deep inside people like us believe the Holidays are to be spent with the family; with "forgiveness" for those we can't stand and the expected New Year's resolutions coming out your tailpipe.
To those accusing you of being "selfish," do a Diana Ross: "And if living for myself is what I'm guilty of go on and sentence me, I'll still be free. It's my turn, to see what I can see, I hope you'll understand, this time's just for me. ..." So forget the turkey comas, go paint the town, and bring your cheer to others less fortunate. HAPPY HOLIDAYS!
When Mom needed a place to live years ago, I took her in. A single parent back then, her presence helped me and my sons fill the void left by the passing of my wife. None of my 13 sisters wanted to care for her, and essentially passed the buck to me. I never asked why. Shortly thereafter, however, I'd get telephone messages from them full of caregiving tips from women whose idea of a kid's breakfast is a fifty cent soda and a bag of chips. From "Mom called me crying and said blah, blah, blah" to "You should do this and do that." When I asked Mom about it, she'd accuse my sisters of of taking things out of context and being a bunch of bochincheras (gossips) who can't help stir the pot everywhere they go.
One day, to her surprise and dismay, I invited all 13 of them to go over all the disagreement about the so-called horrible way I was treating our mother. From making her own bed and washing her own laundry to fixing whatever she wanted to eat and watching those sappy Puerto Rican novelas on TV laden with damsels in distress hoping for a hunk on a white horse to come and rescue them from their overprivileged yet boring existence. And just like them, my mother pretended to be the long-suffering victim just to get some attention; even at the risk of watching the family unravel.
For two hours, I moderated the conversation. Then I became the target as Mom, clearly afraid of my sisters' wrath, tearfully called me a slave driver and treating her like a child. All of a sudden I was the evil one. But as a psychologist in training, I flipped the script on them by asking (by a show of hands) how many were willing to take her in. You could hear a pin drop. Mom asked "Are you throwing me out? ... I have no place to go." I said "Since you all care so much about her well-being, how about taking turns a week here and a week there and cater to her every whim?" To Ivette's "But she's so happy here" I responded "Then why are we all having this back and forth about what's best for her? The door is right there and she can move out whenever she feels like it. ... Mom? Don't forget to leave the keys."
The next morning I was awakened by the smell of fresh-brewed Bustelo coffee, the house was immaculate, there were no messages in my voice-mail, the boys were watching Sonic the Hedgehog, and Mom had left a message on the kitchen table. It read "At church across the street, then to Western Beef on 174th. Back in a couple of hours. Love, Mom."
Hi Carolsmom! Caregiving is very challenging, to say the very least. If you have POA-for your loved one...Just do what you think is best, and if other do not like it, than you can perhaps ask what they would do. From my understanding, the person with POA for health issues is the one who has been appointed to make health decisions. Go with your gut feelings, and it will lead you on the straight and narrow. Should you ever be in doubt, you can always question a physician. Good luck!
Lilliput, dry or moist, as long as love is there, and with your attitude of gratitude, I'll guess your Thanksgiving will be wonderful. Bless you and yours!
I have determined to count my blessings, as well. We are looking forward to a glorious time of fellowship with loving friends! :) Oh, the joy of anticipation for sweet communing with friends...and to share with one another all that we have to be thankful for.
What is it about the holidays that makes us think that somehow the season will elicit harmony in our families?
I have good childhood memories of our extended family getting together to eat ourselves to death. But, without fail, someone always ended up getting their feelings hurt, having a squabble, or ruining the day for everyone. Relatives are the people you get...your friends are the ones you choose. It is unrealisitic to think everyone will be on their best behavior just because 'tis the season.
Nevertheless, I LOVE the holidays and I refuse to let them be spoiled by any bahhumbuggers. The day after Thanksgiving I drag out all my Christmas and holiday CDs and play them all day while I work. I watch all the holiday movies on TV (have you seen "The Family Stone?") It's one of my new favorites.
Happy Thanksgiving to you all...I will keep everyone here in my thoughts and prayers.
(Going to "sacrifice" another turkey this year...still can't get it right...comes out all dry...this year I was told to use bacon grease on a piece of brown paper then "tent" it over the turkey...sounds silly, but I am desperate!)
I so understand the fog, second guessing, and isolation. Guess that's where we need to rely on someone greater than ourselves, by faith, and trust in God. Not easy. When our own needs become absorbed into the life of Cargiving for another, it stretches us to limits beyond imagination, at times. Nothing prepared us for this sometimes thankless job. But it does have its rewards. We may not see the benefits, while standing in the forest, but someday, perspective may change the view. Count your blessings, if only seemingly tiny and sparse. (This site, and the encouragement and prayers of others included.)
We can't always rely on family or friends to help us in time of need, but there is one who sticketh closer than a brother. We walk by faith, not by sight. Every once in a while, the light seeps through, though it is always there, somewhere, just beyond the clouds of confusion, doubt, and fear. Bless you dear Caregivers! You are not alone, despite feelings to the contrary, for God is over all, and we can safely trust in him.
Dear Carolsmom: talk about "straws that break the camel's back." You have had a whole "bail" recently. So very sorry to hear about your son - my prayers go out to you and your entire family (and a special "coping" prayer for just for you.)
I know what you mean about "isolation." Being a caregiver (and you are a SUPER caregiver) is naturally isolating. I try to put a spin on it, in my own head, by thinking, "well, this is a talent that I possess and others may not." Basically, no one wants to think about caring for an ill person or getting older themselves so they all "run for the hills." That leaves the caregiver sitting an a little island - alone.
I had a close friend of 30 years who was my support system and I hers. Suddenly, she just disappeared from the picture. So I am coping with the loss of a friend whom I considered the sister that I never had, working fulltime, and caring for Mom. Do any of these things sound like fun? And I agree, I used to be a life-of-the-party type person...now, I am happy to have a few moments of stress-free time in my day. Some days I wonder if I am blowing things out of proportion - I am never sure because I am in this constant fog. I used to find comfort in "planning ahead" because if I had a plan then I felt more in control. But helping with a senior has no rhyme or reason to it. My great plans often go out the window.
I find this forum so very comforting. It is such a safe place to vent, share, and offer advice and kind words. It saves my sanity many days.
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Now we have the opportunity to go be with friends, and share a special time with them. Unless we just stay home by the fire. My sister called (from 12 hours away) to wish us a happy Thanksgiving. (I meant to email her this morning, but wasn't sure how it would be received; family drama, you know.) But her call was a blessing, and her family is going to spend time with friends today, as well. She said mom hadn't called her, either. Wonder who mom is spending time with, if not with her own flesh and blood? None of us can make sense of her, and probably never will.
I had a wonderful time with my dad, and got some smiles and two hugs. He hugged his grandson as well, and seemed to enjoy our being there. What a blessing! FIL enjoyed us being there, too. And we them. Though not all is perfect, we do have some things (people) to be thankful for, and will mark it down as counting the good experiences as blessings.
If we think about it, God has blessed us all with food, shelter, friends, family (some are bigger blessings than others, lol), and fellow Caregivers. Praying all of you are blessed this Thanksgiving, as well, regardless of anything you have to face. Thank you all for being here, and for being an encouragement. I truly count you as blessings!
Don't know what my mom is planning; as yet, she hasn't made a reservation eat with her husband (my dad). As Guardian, is that my responsibility? We prefer to have "no drama," meaning, no mama. Will have to see how things work out...
Your question that started this whole discussion has kind of been lost in the shuffle. What's happening now? Are you still at odds with the rest of your family? And what are the points on which you disagree? Is there no hope of compromise?
HOWEVER, we are sure that, from all the hints she dropped for several years before, that she believed my single sister would look after her when the need arose. BUT this arrangement would ONLY have been good for my mother and not good at all for my sister (for many reasons) so we stood firm and placed Mom in the Lodge. Now I drive over one hundred miles one way every second week and spend two to three days visiting my mom and my single sister, who has two hundred miles to drive one way, does the same on the week I am not visiting. The third sister, who lives 600 miles away comes as often as she can. In the meantime, I look after my husband who has many health problems, my single sister deals with all her problems (which our parents ignored all their lives), and my far away married sister has plenty of family issues to cause her worry. None of us are getting any younger and we were all devoted kids to our parents and did whatever we could to make them happy for decades and decades, regardless of how hard this was to do some times. Right or wrong, my sisters and I have decided that Mom is as well off in the Lodge as she would be in any of our homes. With our constant visits we know how well she is being cared for and how she is doing. This is all I will ever ask of my kids when it is MY time to go to a Lodge.
I don't know, carolsmom, what the disagreement with the rest of your family is all about. My mom has a personal directive that names all three of us sisters as her personal care directors. Because we three have worked together all our lives in doing things for our parents, I guess it is easier for us than some now, to continue to do this. If there is a difference of opinion even after a discussion, two out of three agreeing is what determines the decision. I am Mom's POA for money matters but of course I discuss big decisions with my sisters and then decide what to do based on our discussions.
Any of us COULD have given up our own lives to take Mom into our homes but each sister knew each other and Mom well enough to know that that was not the best decision for EVERYONE. Having come to that conclusion we do our level best to continue to be with Mom as often as possible (we know we visit her much more than any other offspring visit their parents in the Lodge) and we support each other in dealing with some of the doubts that we have now and then. It is not easy to protect oneself, especially when one has been raised to put oneself last but I definitely would advise others not to take on the entire responsibility of caring for a parent. If you ARE the only one who cares, then get some outside advice as to what are your options.
Do you really believe you were put on Earth to give up your life, as many of you feel you are doing, to care for an aging parent? If so, then I would think you would feel good that you are fulfilling your purpose. If not, then do what you can to see that your parent is cared for in the best way possible but get on with your own life too. You are a unique individual - there is no one else in the whole world like you, there never has been, and there never will be again so do some soul-searching and become what you were put on this earth to become. This doesn't mean you become selfish - it means you will give to the world the uniqueness that is within you.
Since our American friends will be celebrating Thanksgiving soon, I would like to suggest that we be thankful for the uniqueness of each other, that we honour it, and that we love each other for it. May God, Allah, the Great Spirit Etc. bless us all with understanding so that we can all care for each other, regardless of age, or relationship to each other.
One year later and I have no regrets about caretaking. Others have scrutinezed how I am caring for mother. I make my decisions from a love for my mother and her well being rather than how my siblings will judge me.
I suspect that when all is said and done (mother dying) that I will have lost some connections with my siblings. But there is one connection that I haven't lost, living with my conscience and liking what I see. Also prayer plays an important part of my life....
Carol
I'm sorry dear, but I talked so much about me in the previous comment that I went west with the question. Here's my answer:
The Holidays are the time of the year when my family is most toxic to me. They scream, fight, DRINK, and let it all hang out. Sometimes literally. So take the time to recharge, take care of yourself for a change, and expand your support network. Yes, deep inside people like us believe the Holidays are to be spent with the family; with "forgiveness" for those we can't stand and the expected New Year's resolutions coming out your tailpipe.
To those accusing you of being "selfish," do a Diana Ross: "And if living for myself is what I'm guilty of go on and sentence me, I'll still be free. It's my turn, to see what I can see, I hope you'll understand, this time's just for me. ..." So forget the turkey comas, go paint the town, and bring your cheer to others less fortunate. HAPPY HOLIDAYS!
One day, to her surprise and dismay, I invited all 13 of them to go over all the disagreement about the so-called horrible way I was treating our mother. From making her own bed and washing her own laundry to fixing whatever she wanted to eat and watching those sappy Puerto Rican novelas on TV laden with damsels in distress hoping for a hunk on a white horse to come and rescue them from their overprivileged yet boring existence. And just like them, my mother pretended to be the long-suffering victim just to get some attention; even at the risk of watching the family unravel.
For two hours, I moderated the conversation. Then I became the target as Mom, clearly afraid of my sisters' wrath, tearfully called me a slave driver and treating her like a child. All of a sudden I was the evil one. But as a psychologist in training, I flipped the script on them by asking (by a show of hands) how many were willing to take her in. You could hear a pin drop. Mom asked "Are you throwing me out? ... I have no place to go." I said "Since you all care so much about her well-being, how about taking turns a week here and a week there and cater to her every whim?" To Ivette's "But she's so happy here" I responded "Then why are we all having this back and forth about what's best for her? The door is right there and she can move out whenever she feels like it. ... Mom? Don't forget to leave the keys."
The next morning I was awakened by the smell of fresh-brewed Bustelo coffee, the house was immaculate, there were no messages in my voice-mail, the boys were watching Sonic the Hedgehog, and Mom had left a message on the kitchen table. It read "At church across the street, then to Western Beef on 174th. Back in a couple of hours. Love, Mom."
I have determined to count my blessings, as well. We are looking forward to a glorious time of fellowship with loving friends! :) Oh, the joy of anticipation for sweet communing with friends...and to share with one another all that we have to be thankful for.
I have good childhood memories of our extended family getting together to eat ourselves to death. But, without fail, someone always ended up getting their feelings hurt, having a squabble, or ruining the day for everyone. Relatives are the people you get...your friends are the ones you choose. It is unrealisitic to think everyone will be on their best behavior just because 'tis the season.
Nevertheless, I LOVE the holidays and I refuse to let them be spoiled by any bahhumbuggers. The day after Thanksgiving I drag out all my Christmas and holiday CDs and play them all day while I work. I watch all the holiday movies on TV (have you seen "The Family Stone?") It's one of my new favorites.
Happy Thanksgiving to you all...I will keep everyone here in my thoughts and prayers.
(Going to "sacrifice" another turkey this year...still can't get it right...comes out all dry...this year I was told to use bacon grease on a piece of brown paper then "tent" it over the turkey...sounds silly, but I am desperate!)
We can't always rely on family or friends to help us in time of need, but there is one who sticketh closer than a brother. We walk by faith, not by sight. Every once in a while, the light seeps through, though it is always there, somewhere, just beyond the clouds of confusion, doubt, and fear. Bless you dear Caregivers! You are not alone, despite feelings to the contrary, for God is over all, and we can safely trust in him.
I know what you mean about "isolation." Being a caregiver (and you are a SUPER caregiver) is naturally isolating. I try to put a spin on it, in my own head, by thinking, "well, this is a talent that I possess and others may not." Basically, no one wants to think about caring for an ill person or getting older themselves so they all "run for the hills." That leaves the caregiver sitting an a little island - alone.
I had a close friend of 30 years who was my support system and I hers. Suddenly, she just disappeared from the picture. So I am coping with the loss of a friend whom I considered the sister that I never had, working fulltime, and caring for Mom. Do any of these things sound like fun? And I agree, I used to be a life-of-the-party type person...now, I am happy to have a few moments of stress-free time in my day. Some days I wonder if I am blowing things out of proportion - I am never sure because I am in this constant fog. I used to find comfort in "planning ahead" because if I had a plan then I felt more in control. But helping with a senior has no rhyme or reason to it. My great plans often go out the window.
I find this forum so very comforting. It is such a safe place to vent, share, and offer advice and kind words. It saves my sanity many days.
Hugs to you...
Lilli