Hospice nurse irritates me. I need to vent and need recommendations on how to confront her.
So mom's hospice nurse can't seem to set or keep to a real schedule with respect to in-home visits. In the beginning (Feb 2020), we set a schedule for Tuesday mornings. That worked for about 3 wks then covid hit and we switched to virtual visits. Since July, in-home visits have resumed.
Here's the issue/irritation: when we were doing virtual visits she had a bad habit of reaching out 10 min before wanting to do a visit. Because it was virtual I would just drop what I was doing for the sake of getting it done. Now that we are doing in-person visits again, she has a bad habit of calling and wanting to drop by in 30 min or less. WTH?
I'm a very organized person and like to plan my week/days in advance as much as possible. So is it wrong for me to demand/expect a schedule with respect to visits? I'm the sole caregiver for my mom and I feel like she's not respecting me or my limited time.
Any recommendations on how to approach this with her?
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I requested a new nurse today. I've had enough. The last straw was when she blew me off about the flu shot and never gave me a call to discuss the recertification process....something I had been asking about for weeks.
Sorry for the delay but here's an update on the situation: I spoke with the nurse and firmly explained that I needed a scheduled day of the week for my own organization and consideration for my mother. I DID NOT attempt to nail down a time because I know that's impossible in this line of work.
She seemed to understand and things have been good so far. Hopefully we can continue this relationship, if not, I will be getting another nurse and or company.
Thanks for everyone's input.
Contact the head of the facility or if needed, above that (a person on the Board of Directors). I had a ... disheartening experience with Hospice 'grief counseling' services. In essence, I was put off and/or counselor didn't call me. I wrote to the head of the department and while a bit 'late' got VIP treatment. Really 'treatment'. I met with the head of the counseling dept for a few grief sessions. And, they profusely apologized.
I wondered the same thing. I think that is the hardest part about being on a forum. Most the time we don't get to know how things turned out!
As stated in other posts here, a nurse does not know what can happen during a home visit and needs flexibility. The two hour window worked for me. Sometimes it did not & in those instances I would try to call my patient and make them aware of the delay.
On hospice nurse visit day, if I were you I would plan your day to be there for a block of time. Usually the nurse will see a hospice patient weekly thus collaborate with him/her to set a day. Sitting around tapping your foot waiting will only stress you out more. They most likely will be late - it’s the nature of the job. There is a shortage of hospice nurses now. Cut them some slack. Every patient deserves their own time. A nurse just can’t up and leave from a visit to accommodate your schedule. After all, the patient IS home bound so the nurse knows the patient will be there but an effort has to be considered to accommodate the nurses’ schedule as well. Stuff happens. Believe me, that nurse wants her day to go smoothly as well but 9 times out of 10 they WILL be late.
In a way as others have said, they cannot plan a 10min visit per client with a 15 min drive between and so plot their day. So a little leeway might help, Also be prepared that her day has turned to custard, and she cant fit in that time slot and have to re organise.
Like you said,it worked for about a month.
After that,it could be anytime.
I became more aware of what these Hospice Nurse's go through in one day.
They have too many NTD people to care for, someone could have just passed, they have so much paper work to fill out before pulling out of your home.
Changes of medicines, blood draws, Doctor calls etc.
If it's a half hour all the time,change your thinking.
Because one day you will see they will be staying with you the day your dear love one exits.
Your mother is not their only patient.
Can you imagine their stress?
It's always nice to put on their shoes for one moment.
And this is how I started to look at it and explained it to Mom.
Best Wishes
Best of luck to you!
As an example, late yesterday evening my wife somehow pulled out her catheter, (just the thought of it is extremely painful) I call the nursing agency to schedule a visit within 8 hours of the catheter coming out. The nurse came at 10 a.m. , spent about 45 minutes with us, before continuing his regular schedule.
This can cause a backlog for the rest of his day. Overall I think the majority of nurses try to keep their schedule.
Having a conversation with her to tell her that you need more of a "schedule" and more communication is not unreasonable.
If her unscheduled visits bother you, you should tell her not to come until the scheduled time. You can also not open the door until the appointment time. I agree with others that you should set some sort of limits on your schedule so that you can have some control over your life.
My mother was Director of Nursing for a Catholic Rehabilitation Facility that she worked at for just shy of 20 years. I remember growing up as a teen, she would have talks with us about the rights were for patients in a Nursing, Rehab, or Hospital facility. My mother always said, if we didn't feel like we were getting the care we needed, or that we saw a family member receiving, first stop, the Nursing Supervisor on duty, Second stop Director of Nursing, Third stop facility Administrator, final stop State Dept of Health.
Over the last 20 years I've had many members of my Knights of Columbus Council confined to Nursing Homes, Memory Care etc. One time one of my friends were receiving poor treatment. I went to the Director of Nursing's office, only to find, the DON was a friend of mine whose husband was a member of another council and I'd known her a lot longer than him. I explained what was going on. My friend told me the patient I was talking about who she knew to be a Knight, had Dementia, and couldn't remember many things. She assured me that was so, I still called his son who I knew and told him what his dad had said to me and the conversation with the DON. He told me yes he was aware of the situation and that truly, he was getting excellent care, he just couldn't remember things like when he ate, showered, etc.
There were other times, when I was a patient ie, had an appendectomy, or pneumonia etc. Where, I wasn't receiving Respiratory Therapy on schedule or Meds and complained. Unfortunately our Elderly frequently do not have the ability to advocate for themselves and we need to do it for them. I hope you find this answer helpful to you. I too have Early Onset ALZ and was diagnosed 4 yrs ago at the age of 57. This is a subject I care about and wanted to share what I'd learned from my mother.
i wonder why she doesnt call a couple houses before shes ready for a visit with you.
by the way ... ive found some people can be really rude when responding to something and not helpful at all.
In OP's case, it isn't just calling from the last visit when it is complete, the nurse isn't even setting a DAY for the visit! Just knowing what day, AND understanding that things could change (nurse should be able to give notice ahead if something is going to disrupt that day) so it may need to be rescheduled would be helpful to OP. She could be prepared, even if the nurse ends up later than planned. She's not even given that courtesy!
I wouldn't be happy if someone can't be bothered to at least TRY to schedule something on a day, knowing the time could need adjustment, but instead thinks it is okay to just call as I'm headed over there NOW! Bad enough in general to have anyone drop in unannounced, but when providing care for someone, we need to have time to get things set before the visit!
if she can accommodate that ask for another nurse . You have the right to have less stress related to your moms care.
No one should be expected to accept being treated like an afterthought or a time filler.
She is only asking for a scheduled time frame on a specific day.
Providers have no way of knowing what their nurses are up to if people don't speak up and tell them. This nurse has shown that she is in the wrong industry at this season of her life. Not caring and speaking out of turn are clear signs of burnout.
Our hospice provider for my sister was happy to send other care providers if we were unhappy with them or their attitudes.
I have not spoken with anyone just yet, and I'm hoping a friendly reset (this week) will resolve this scheduling issue. If it not, then I'll escalate the scheduling issue along with other concerns.
I was just simply seeking suggestions on how to approach this.
If you at least know what day the nurse will be coming, make your plans for that day flexible enough to allow for interruption. Don' make other appointments for hat morning or afternoon. Don't start any projects that cannot easily be interrupted.
Don't start making a souffle on Hospice visit day.
Your agency COULD schedule as do repair companies - a particular time block on a particular day. That is not rocket science.