My mother was prescribed a low dose oral morphine a few months ago, which we give to her daily. She seemed like she was in her last hours by the time it was prescribed (hardly eating for weeks, withdrawn, wheezing & shortness of breath, sometimes didn’t respond to family, etc).
After taking the morphine for a few days, she immediately recovered. Now she seems perfectly healthy, and here we are 2 months later going strong.
My question is, does a prescription of morphine signal that a person is at the end of life? How long does a person typically take morphine before passing away - because in my mother’s case it seemed to help tremendously.
I feel horrible for saying this, but I’m so drained and cannot continue watching my mother, who I love more than anything, live this way. She is currently 79 years old, and has been entirely bedridden for over 2 years. We have hospice come in a few times a day to change her in her bed, and sometimes bathe her. Other than that, my sisters and I have taken care of her these 2 years, changing her each night, cooking all of her meals, etc. She just lays there, watching TV all day long.
It would be easier if she seemed like the end was near, but at this rate, she is going to outlive me. I have spoken with my family, and there is absolutely no chance that they will put her in a nursing home for 24 hour care. We occasionally have hospice take her for respite care for 5 days, but honestly it makes it so much harder when she comes back home. I don’t want to resent my mother, and I don’t want these memories to overshadow all of the good ones we’ve had.
Should I take comfort in the fact that she is taking morphine, or could she reasonably live for years taking it?
The caretakers, you and your sisters, who do all the in-home work for mom should have the ability to trump what other family members want. You have family members who aren't doing any of the day-to-day work telling you they don't want mom in facility care. The sideline coaches who offer nothing but a viewpoint in the name of wanting the best for mom. If a facility is not the best, in their opinion, then they need to step up to the plate and put some action behind their care for mom.
You have to remember that those who don't participate in daily care do NOT have any idea how hard the job is. If you and sisters have been doing it without asking for these other people to help out, they don't realize how much help you need. Those on the sidelines have to be directly and specifically told what you need. The sideliners also have a misconception that you could get all kinds of free help by way of Medicare/Medicaid/other programs or that you're getting more help than you are from hospice. Hospice drops by, but not much relief for the caregivers with the few tasks they do.
Have another conversation with all whose opinion you are considering: There are X number of us who want to decide where mom will live out her life. To keep her at home, we need the same number of people involved in her care because it has become too hard for me, sis, and sis who have been providing the care in person or by paying for aids. If you can't help, then determining where mom will live out her life will be the decision of those who do the work. When we wear out, the facility will be our only option and will still require very regular visits to make sure she is getting quality care each day - so the job won't end with having her in a facility bed. At the end of conversation, those who say they will help --- ask for specific days and hours they will be filling in so a calendar can be created during the meeting. If they are willing to pay for aids, determine fair number of hours and days that will be assigned to them for the care.
After that talk - the participating members will make decision on when/if mom goes to facility and, as a group, will notify other family members when that time comes.
I wouldn’t worry if folks will become dependent on morphine when they’re at the end of their life.
When you’re in pain you can think of nothing else, let them be at peace and reflect on their life. If caring for them is too much then make other arrangements. That’s perfectly fine too. That’s where I’d put my energy.
Mom will be reevaluated by hospice when 6 months is up, if she's still alive, to see if she still qualifies for their services again. That's how hospice works.
I'll tell you a brief story about my own mother and hospice, and how I felt exactly the same way YOU do; that she'd live forever and it would take a meteorite to knock her out. She had just turned 95, with advanced dementia, and a bunch of other health issues included congestive heart failure. She was always low on oxygen but refused to wear the cannula. She'd been to the hospital in December (turned 95 on Jan 20th 2022) for chest pain; the EKG showed nothing wrong, and she was sent back to the MC ALF where she lived, with me in tow. Hospice did not see an end in sight for her, she was doing fine, going to the activity room daily in her wheelchair, schmoozing it up with the others, eating (albeit less than usual), and all was well. One day, on February 15th, she went to bed, semi-comatose, for some unknown reason, and never got out of bed again; she passed away one week later, on February 22nd! It came out of left field, and nobody expected it, not even hospice. She passed away 2 months and 1 day after hospice came on board.
You, nor hospice, knows when 'the end is near'. Your mom may just be feeling better from the morphine, as I said, and that's the extent of what's going on. Take comfort in the fact the morphine is helping her, and leave it at that. And leave it in God's hands as to when He decides to take her Home. I know how hard that is to actually DO, but try very hard, for your own sake. It's all you can do, really. Try to glean moments of happiness and joy from the time you do have left together with your mom, and take it day by day. With a situation such as this, things can *and often do* turn on a dime, when you least expect it.
Wishing you the best of luck.
I was told several times during his stint with hospice that they thought he would be dead soon, but yet he always rallied back. His will to live was very strong, and he was having none of this "dying" nonsense.
That was until Sept. 2020, when he finally went Home to be with God.
So as you can see, she could go on for a good while yet. Being on the morphine doesn't mean that death is near. Only God knows the day and time that He will take her home, so you need to start doing not only what is best for your mother but also for you and your sister. And if that means placing your mother in the appropriate facility, then so be it.
You and your sister have to start taking care of yourselves or you both will be the ones needing to be cared for. Your mother would not want that for either of you.
So quit listening to the family who says no way to putting her into a facility, where she will receive the 24/7 care she needs and you can get back to just being her child, and tell them that unless they are going to takeover yours and your sisters time at your mothers, that you will do what is necessary and best not only for your mother but you and your sister as well.
Wishing you the very best.
Tell your family that you are going away (or having surgery, or visiting an ill friend) for a month starting in 2 weeks.
Has anyone questioned if your mom should be hospice any longer, or if the morphine should be discontinued?
How DARE they.
I love how you and your sister are doing all the caregiving but these back seat drivers who are doing nothing are dictating your mother's care.
It is past time to place her. 2 years is long enough. Good luck to you.
You then have a sister who participates? Does she also live with Mom?
Is this shared care?
Does Mom live in her own home and you have moved in to care for her?
Or does Mom live in YOUR home?
Who is the POA who has the say in whether Mom is placed or not?
If you fill in your profile it will help us to understand why Mom originally fell so ill at age 73 as to need 24/7 care. As you can see she has already lived 2 years with this care, and I cannot imagine a reason she would not live another 2 or more.
If you fill in your profile we will more understand the circumstances you are dealing with.
If you cannot go on it is time for you to notify family and Hospice of this fact, and then THEY can together decide, with the POA, what the next step is.
As to questions about morphine it is also a question for Hospice and the MD currently managing Mom's case and prescribing medications.
Best of luck out to you. The answer to whether patients can live for years on medications is yes. Again, time for the POA to discuss with hospice.
Do not continue in doing care, participating in care that is not either mentally nor physically healthy FOR YOU to continue in. You have a right to make choices for your own life. Your mother has had a life already; this life is now yours to live for yourself.