I read an article here on this site and it helped me, as I feel guilty and disappointed in myself that I do not want to take on this role. I did with my father, but some dynamics of the situation were different.
I love and care for my brother and we are close, but being in this position, I feel it is pulling me away from him and not wanting to spend time with him as I am around every day.
I know I am not a bad person, and it's not even a case of strength to go thru it, I don't mentally or physically want to continue doing this.
Thank you for listening to me.
I was an in-home caregiver for 25 years as employment and was good at it. I now operate a homecare agency.
That being said, I refused to continue being the caregiver for my mother. I have refused family members and even family friends who wanted me for their loved one's care because I'm a professional and have experience.
The answer is always a hard NO. I know better than to be a long-term caregiver to family or anyone I have a personal relationship with.
It's very different than doing it as a job where you go home after your shift.
Tell your brother no more and help him find the care help he needs.
I think that those of us who cannot recognize and honor our own human limitations have a sort of grandiosity in all truth. An feeling that we are god-like and omnipotent. That we CAN do it and we SHOULD do it and anything less is failure.
Nope. I embrace my human limitations. They are mine. While I might have wished I was a fairie with a wand, a god with a lightening bolt at times, overall I am fine with saying I didn't create this suffering and I cannot fix it. I can do what I can and I best take care. This is my one life. I was TAUGHT that, by the way, by my parents. And my own daughter is WELL AWARE that she must NEVER EVER consider such a thing herself; we speak of it often.
So that's me. Only you can decide you for you. But throwing ourselves on the funeral pyres of the generation before us does nothing but rob us of our own life.
Accept yourself for who you are and that's it! You're not abandoning your brother......you're just not wiping his butt! 😊
At 68 there are just things we cannot do any longer. For me, I would not toilet or bathe a man not my husband. I would not even try to help a 200lb man up. You have to be honest with ur brother, you can't do it anymore. He needs to hire someone or go into an Assisted living.
Offer to help him find caregivers to come to the home or an assisted living facility. If he needs to sell his home to pay for his care in a facility you will need to find a new place to live . You can be his advocate without doing the hands on caregiving .
Good Luck .
I now have 2 in facilities, one AL the other MC, fortunately both are receiving good care so my brother & I still have a life.
I am/was the PR for all five, so the stress is still there long after they die.
It is all too much, I do not want to be involved in any more of these situations, the caregiver in me now says "NO...no more"
I understand and wish you the best..