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Age old story, my parents worked hard all their life. They have a small amount of money in the bank and no debt. Now in their twilight years and this is working against them as far as getting help to care for my mom, who has Alzheimer’s. Does anyone have experience with this? Our Agency on Aging has income guidelines and they are likely over it. My SIL told me to try Medicare.


Is Medicare an option to get assistance for someone who is self-pay? How does that work? My father's health is not good and he needs someone in the home more often, in case of falls, etc. He has always only wanted family members in the house but now he realizes that is too limiting. I have the green light but now I can’t find anyone! Since he is self-pay, he does not want to go through an agency. And yes, I am over there 7 out of 7 days, sometimes multiple times a day. I work full time and can’t keep all my plates spinning anymore. Any advice or suggestions would be appreciated! Please don’t think that I’m whining, I’m really not.

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I’m glad he recognizes the need for some in-home help. I’m not sure I understand the statement “Since he is self-pay, he does not want to go through an agency.” Why not? Money? Remember that an agency will assess what your parents need and find appropriate coverage, do the scheduling, handle their insurance and payroll, and if you don’t click with a caregiver, you call and out comes another one. If you don’t use an agency...guess who’s doing all that? I have experience handling both ways, and hunting around for independent caregivers was a pain.
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brookslyn Aug 2019
Thank you for your response! Yes, he realizes now that he needs help. And I have to let him know that my time is going to be limited. He has gotten used to my being around and I feel like I spend more time there than at my home. He doesn’t want to use an agency because of the cost but I’m hoping we can work at least a few hours a week to start. He is not being difficult but has trouble hiring someone for something that he thinks he should be able to do. And his health concerns me, so I try to be there to help him as much as I can. I know what you are saying about the agencies but my cousin works for one and I know how bad the turnover is. And how many times someone calls off. I am encouraging him to try it but I have doubts myself. 😢 Thanks for your support!
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Do they have a community they have felt comfortable with in the past? Say a church community or activities center? Perhaps even a doctor's office that has treated them with kindness? Oftentimes the people who work in these places accumulate a list of names of those who are willing to assist in homes under private pay. In addition, it might be some comfort to hire someone reccomended by someone your parents trust. Best of luck!
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brookslyn Aug 2019
Thank you for your response! I have asked a few at our church and have not had success. The home health company gave us a list of in home care providers. We have reached out to a few and are waiting to hear back. Most of them have conflicts and was not going to work out. I have a few other leads that I’m working on. Thanks for your support!
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brookslyn, those plates will start dropping one at time. Some elders want to remain as independent as they can even when they are in denial that it now time to get a village to help them out.

Medicare only covers hospitalization,doctors, and any type of physical therapy. As you found out, your parent wouldn't qualify for Medicaid [which is different from Medicare].

For myself, I found I was enabling my parents to remain in their home instead of them downsizing into something more senior friendly. I was running back and forth, and like you also had a full time job. The stress was overwhelming. I should have set boundaries for my own sanity, but I wanted to help, that is our nature.

Sadly many of us need to wait until our elderly parent needs serious medical help, then and only then can we get them into senior living. That is what happened with my own Mom. She went from home to the ER, hospital stay, rehab, then long-term-care. My Dad, he was ready to book from their house as it was too much maintenance for him being in his 90's, and he was always falling. He moved to senior living and enjoyed being there.

So, stand in front of a mirror and say "I can't possibly do that" over and over until you are comfortable saying it. So when your parents ask for something that isn't urgent, just say that. I had to do that when my parents decided going to their post office box at the post office twice a day was a good idea.... NOT !!
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Was your dad a war time vet? He and mom may be eligible for benefits thru the VA to help offset the cost of assistance. Check with senior services and catholic charities, they have a weath of information on programs that may be able to help out. I know our local one here has people who will either volunteer or work for a greatly reduced fee, ie plumbers, electricians, hvac etc. for seniors. Many of the high schools require community service hours for students to graduate, lawn mowing, bush trimming, weeding, snow removal ect. Frees you up to help with other things. Before you write off their income as being too high, double check because they are married so requirements are a bit higher. Check with your local hospital too, normally they have an office specifically for seniors and have information about what is available in the community.
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