My Mother is 77 and suffering from some dementia. She still lives alone and is still physically highly functional. Her dementia is starting to impact some of her regular chores such as paying bills. We are noticing that some of her bills such as cable are not getting paid. She calls us and complains that the cable is out. When we inquire, we find that she has not paid in several months. We do have power of attorney and would like to begin to take over to be sure her utilities, taxes, etc are being paid. With 3 children we cannot pay out of our own pocket. We would need to be able to pay from her accounts. Any suggestions on how we go about without insulting her (she is very self-conscience of her condition) or, not getting paranoid that we are looking to steal her money (yes...she has that type of dementia and that topic has already come up). We just want to be sure she is on stable ground financially......and also be sure she does not become victim of a scam and send 20K to a business women in Nigeria. Any suggestions on how to make this transition would be great.
So I took Dad to his bank and we spoke with the Branch Manager who guided us on how to set up a checking account which would have both of our name's, thus I could now sign checks for Dad's bills. That way I could also make sure his checking account balances were good.
Then I found all of Dad's bills and had those bills forwarded to my house. Dad's bank statements still went to this house so if he wanted to check over the statement he could. If I needed to see a statement, I could easily print one on-line from the bank.
In my case, Dad always did the bills and all things financial. As his dementia began he turned it over to mom. She did ok for a little while but it became too much. She would get the bills all mixed up with junk mail. I would visit, sort the mess out, write checks and she would sign them.
I then went to the bank, got all the paperwork to be a co-signer on the accounts and told mom and dad THIS IS JUST IN CASE ANYTHING WOULD HAPPEN AND I HAVE TO PAY YOUR BILLS. Much to my relief it worked. They signed all the papers. I also had a poa which helped .
I slowly had bills changed to my address. We told Dad that mom was still doing the bills. In addition, I tracked down all the funds, pensions, insurance, tax info etc over a couple of years. And it’s a good damn thing I did as neither of my parents could reason any longer. Mom resented the fact that I was taking over but after the garbage service stopped and the power company sent some warnings about cut offs she got with the program.
Don’t be afraid to fib and cajole a little. Or in my case, a lot. No harm done. Your trying to save the farm and keep the ship afloat here. Do what you have to do.
And yes, my folks barely escaped some major scams. It just takes one to wipe them out.
Wouldn’t it be easier to approach her in a non-confrontational way and ask to help? You can sit with her and help her pay her bills. Maybe she’s self-conscious about her condition. I understand that. But at some point she needs to face facts. Explain that when she fails to pay the cable bill and they suspend her service, it costs money to have it reconnected. Be frank, but be kind. Explain how much easier it would be on everyone if you were on her account.
Thanks again!
Good luck. Come back any time.