My Mom is 88 and still lives in her home alone. My Dad passed 5 years ago and she's been having to take care of a 3,000 sq ft home by herself. We moved to be closer to her after my Dad died and all was well for a few years. I've seen her slowly decling as she gets overwhelmed often with the amount of responsibilities she has to handle on her own. My husband and I try to help her with what we can, but it's not enough. She gets PILES of junk mail everyday (mostly political), and tons of spam emails. She insists on going ugh every one of them. There are now piles of unread or opened mail in several places in the house. She has housekeepers in 2 times a month, and someone to take care of her lawn and gardens. She has been increasingly making questionable decisions over the past two years. (long story)
I was bringing my Mom dinner the other night, and when I arrived she was on the phone agreeing to purchase something(?) I walked in and turned on the speakerphone. As I did, the lady on the other end asked my Mom is she "agreed." She did. When I asked her what she agreed to, she said she bought a medical device in case she needed help, she could just press a button. She told me she was trying to call her CC company when this lady came on and told her about this "special." (when I asked them later, it was NOT something they would do). I was happy that she purchased it, however, she previously had 2 of these and never wore them! She told me she was realizing that she might actually need it. I told her I was proud of her. So, we sat down to eat and she told me she'd had a long hard day. I asked her why. She told me that Amazon had called her asking if she'd made a purchase and she told them no. Then the man (with a foreign accent) told her that she'd mistakenly paid $11,000 for something instead of the $1,000 price. She said he was talking so fast that he got her very confused. He then proceeded to cry and told her if she didn't refund him the $10,000 that he would lose his job! She was so upset over this that she asked what she could do. He convinced her to let him into her computer and he could "fix it." She let him in and he immediately locked her out. Thankfully, I had acess to her email acct so I went in and quickly noticed an Amazon purchase of $2,000 in gift cards! I was able to log into her acct from my phone and cancel the order and change her password. I then called both her CC companies and had canceled cards, and changed her passwords on those accts too. As for her computer, I'm taking it back to where she purchased it and having it factory reset. That means I'm have to spend countless hours getting her set back up, ugh. It could have been far worse.
The bigger issue is that she's done this before but doesn't remember doing it. And on top of that, she was almost taken again last year with the "grandson in jail needing bail money or he goes to jail" scam. I walked in on that one as well. They get her so rattled and upset that she actually belives they are for real. I am beside myself as to what I can do. It's only a matter of time when they'll get to her again! She's been having some memory issues as well, but to date nothing serious, at least I don't think? (She forgets from one day to the next what our plans are with her, introduces me to friends that have known me for years, and has purchased things online that she doesn't remember, etc.)
I haven't slept well the last two nights and feel helpless. I have one brother who lives out of state but is willing to help with what he can. I have her health POA, and I want to convince her to allow my brother to have her financial POA, but it's slow going with what she can mentally handle at one time. I know she won't give in to that readily). I really need some advice!
In the case of my parents, I got a credit card in my own name to use for my mother's expenses only. Mom had no access to that card, and I had financial POA, so there was no problem with me paying the bills for that card.
The best I can think of is you have to take over her finances to keep her from being completely ripped off. She'll probably tell strangers her S.S. # as well and that's what scammers need to open credit accounts, so be sure to lock her credit.
I suggest getting ESET security put on her computer (you can Google it to find it). My husband and I both deal with computer security as part of our jobs, and consider it the best. Set it up for max security.
For her phone, see about putting it on a VOIP (voice over IP) system that has good spam filtering and blocking controls. If she has a cell phone, put an aggressive spam filter on that, too. If it is bad enough, you can set up both a cell phone and a VOIP landline phone to reject all calls except those you program in it to accept.
That should help reduce the calls quite a bit.
Can you program her phone to only accept certain numbers? That too, could be an option for her. Or, program certain numbers to have a specific ring?
Also, use Parental Controls on her PC and set it up again so it's got restrictions. All of these things may help your Mom.
I think there are some common denominators:
1. Elderly, often not mobile on their own and not driving, confined at home.
2. Generous personality.
3. Vulnerable to shysters.
4. Perhaps lonely, and worried about getting old and becoming more vulnerable.
If you can think of ways to address these situations, it's perhaps remotely, but really possible, to create other means to fulfill her generosity (such as doing charitable work), and decrease the need to allegedly help others. Is she involved with any Senior Center work? Church work? Is there some way you can channel her caring personality toward people who really need assistance?
What I did, and it worked well for us although it was directed more toward pesky "charities", was to build on a firm belief that execs of charities don't need to be paid exorbitant salaries. When a solicitation was received, Dad called and I checked out the exec's salaries, which were always over $100K. That stopped any donation then and there.
We did agree on specific charities, but the others were no longer considered.
That doesn't work for the sob story pleas though. Even if you get a second private line for your mother, there's no guarantee it won't be compromised. I haven't tried the other options, and right now I'm kind of having fun playing games with the shysters, although I still get ROBO calls and can't pester them unless I listen to the spiel then connect to another scanner.
Does your mother have any idea how manipulative these shysters are? You might want to search for stories of how people have been compromised, let her read them in private, and see if that works. Or, give her a card or something to read from which is equally false, such as telling them to call back because she's building a (insert anything), training for a marathon, something similar that just causes the caller to pause for a second.
Or create a secret ring - she can let the phone ring twice, or 3 times (which would be your own signal), then disconnect, but answer when you call back.
Another approach which annoys aggressive callers is to specifically challenge them, especially if you happen to walk into when she's on the phone. I ask for their EIN number so I can report them to the IRS. Or I tell them something ludicrous, or pretend I don't understand and require them to repeat (the same thing, over and over again).
For flippers, I ask for a list of data, beginning with their D&B report (or audited financials for the last 5 years). Some get aggressive or frustrated. And sometimes I start laughing which kind of spoils my own scam.
Wish I had better suggestions, but I think you've already gotten some good ones.
BTW, India has been cracking down on the scam outfits and shut down a few in the last few weeks.