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I can only convey my experiences with my father and what the physicians have advised me. In the initial stages of dementia he would dribble and began using pads in his underwear. As the dementia progressed he began wearing Depends 24-7. His physicians began prescribing Flomax before he required constant care. They explained that it is better for the person to be incontinent than to have bladder control but not have free flow of urine. Those things can result in having to place a catheter, urinary track infections, or sepsis.

As his dementia has progressed, he has gotten to the point of rarely going to the bathroom to urinate and instead I just change his Depends multiple times a day (you figure out the schedule). I have found that at this point changing the Depends is easier than him going to the bathroom because he no longer knows how to properly use the toilet (as an example we had a recent day when he wanted to use the toilet and urinated on his pants, shirt, socks, the wall, and the floor- In essence he peed on everything but the toilet).

In summary, urinary (and eventually bowel) incontinence has been part of my father’s dementia and it seems that it is common to other dementia patients.
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What's the problem if she urinates frequently? Does she wear disposable briefs in case of an accident? Maybe she should drink less fluids, but stay hydrated at the same time. I don't see this as a big issue unless you're leaving something out here....?

As dementia advances, so do urinary incontinence issues in general, as a rule. My mother was incontinent way before she was ever even diagnosed with dementia, and by the third year, wearing Depends 24/7 and soaking the bed linens every night in Memory Care. It is what it is, I guess.

Best of luck to both of you dealing with all the issues that go along with dementia.
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There are a lot of bladder spasm medications out there that her urologist can prescribe. The urologist can also try putting Botox in your wife's bladder as that often can help as well. And of course if it becomes a major issue, she can use some kind of a catheter even a supra pubic(permanent)catheter.
I can only guess that if your wife has dementia that she is no longer continent. I'm hoping you have her in Depends by now and are even putting a Kotex type pad in them to help soak up more of her pee.
Often times when a loved one gets to the point of being incontinent the family makes the decision to place them in the appropriate facility, which in your wife's case would more than likely be a memory care facility.
I wish you well.
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Bonanzatree Jan 2023
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use depends and bed pads
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One thing I found with the medications they give for incontinence. Most of these cross the blood/brain barrier. What I saw with my mom was the incontinence was better at first but they made her so "zombie like" that she became more incontinent than before after some time. And worse at everything else because of her new confusion. Even when they put her on meds they said didn't cross the blood/brain barrier. It still affected her drastically. She also had multiple UTIs on the medications. Never had them before and since I took her off, she hasn't had any since. The meds say they can increase the chances of a UTI. These are no fun with someone who already has dementia.
I read about the botox but this also comes with chances of it working so well, they are not able to pee at all for a while, and can need a catheter until it wears off a little. And botox isn't permanent. It has to be done regularly. I just couldn't see making mom go through that when she doesn't understand it at all.
I set a timer every two hours at night to wake up and make her pee. During the day I do the same. This is a big problem for me too as I'm not getting any sleep and doing multiple loads of laundry anyway.
I wish you luck, it's hard to deal with. I'm working on getting my mom in memory care as it's all becoming too hard for me to do.
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GAinPA Dec 2022
Memory care for your mom will give you a chance to regroup your energy and you will be able to sleep at night. It will be a new routine, not perfect, but you will have that backup 24/7 coverage. You will be in a better position to pick your battles instead of constantly fighting in the trenches without relief.
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I was a son taking care of his Mom. In time, it became difficult for her to get to the bathroom, so I placed a portable commode in the bedroom. When she became incontinent, I made sure she had clean pull-ups at least three times a day, and also put Calmoseptine on her behind to protect against pressure ulcers. Sheets washed daily, and clean pads put on to absorb any accidents that occured overnight.
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It might be worth having her checked for physical problems. My Mum has dementia and was needing to use the toilet constantly. She was diagnosed with a prolapse and now has a shelf pessary fitted, which has been life-changing for her (and me!).
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My mam wears the pads that soak 1.5 litres of urine. She goes to commode in morning and evening and once to toilet during the day so I change pad 3 times maybe 4 times a day and this should be sufficient. I would also suggest no drinking after 6. My mam is 97 in 2 weeks and is in middle to late stage dementia and she rarely soils from urine. I also clean her privates regularly morning and night with a foam wash and put cavillon cream all over. It’s like a bandage and it protects from bed sores. Hope this helps.
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Friskydogg: I do not profess to be a medical professional, but perhaps your wife suffers from what is commonly known as OAB (Overactive Bladder). She may need to see a urologist for diagnosis and if confirmed, she could be aided by the prescription medication, Myrbetriq. I can personally attest to the medication's effectiveness, having been dx'd with OAB.
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My mom has the same issue. Started with overactive bladder at 58 and now at 89 she uses 5-6 overnight pads a day. Every test to man was done…even had botox injections. No cure. Sometimes with dementia incontinence gets much worse and it is what it is. I watch Walgreens sales and she uses about 5-6 bags a month! We buy the long and short versions. Good Luck…meds do not work for many people..meds are not always the answer to a problem…mom has a disconnect from the brain to the bladder. She does not even know when she has to urinate. It just flows out!.
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Jagermeister Dec 2022
My mother is 89 as well. No dementia but you describe her other symptoms to a "T". We need to encourage her to go regularly otherwise her depends are soaked.
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