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Your questions/comments are a little disjointed, I think we need more information. Sounds to me like you want your mother OUT of the nursing home and your brother doesn't. If he is forbidding you from seeing her, then maybe he's worried you'll do something impulsive and rash by trying to take her out of the nursing home.
Your brother has POA over what? Medical Affairs? Financial Affairs? Both? Since he does not have "Guardian Status", I do not beleive that he can prevent you from visiting your mother. Seek counsel.
My mother is conserved by Public Guardian's office for both person and estate, because of financial abuse by two sisters. The PG and I have had some arguments because the sisters want to see (or write, or phone) their mother as "much as they want." Which is pretty much a card at Christmas and birthday and one a visit for a few hours every six months. THEY even had me investigated for complaining to them about their mother.
The PG said, "They have the right to contact their mother as much as they want to." "Yeah, but they never want to...or if one of them phones, it's a thirty second phone call, if that." "Well, then if you sister wants a relationship with her mother that is a thirty second phone call every six months...then that is her right to have that."
The judge in the hearing also cut me short when mention of visiting came up, I didn't even get to complain that two of my sisters perpetrated credit card abuse, forgery, unrepaid loans against my mother. I didn't even get to say that when the judge banged, "I don't care if your sister is in jail for murder, she has a right to see her mother."
Your brother is misusing his POA from what I can see. And he is NOT guardian, and from my case, even if he were, he could not prevent you from seeing her. I did harangue the PG's office to set limits on the family visits (number of people at one time, and time length), including one of these two sisters who insisted on using mom's HOUSE as her holiday social hall. Ignoring Mom who hid in her bedroom to escape the chaos, and leaving me all the work to clean up before and after. After the initial hellos, they all ignored her. (Eventually, this turned out to be a good thing with visits only with Mom and not with each other.)
Anyway, these sorts of policies may vary from state to state, and you can perhaps file a complaint with the county superior court investigator (as I did against the county's own PG office when they mismanaged Mom's affairs). The court authorized him to be POA, and he is misusing his authority.
Unless there is a restraining order preventing you from contacting your mother, your brother has no legal right to prevent you from contacting your mother.
I agree with DanielRomero's take, dayzee. Has he barred all visitors to see your Mom, or just you? If it's just you and you've never been to see your Mom at the home, how would the nursing home enforce the ban you think he has in place?
Go and visit...I am sure they won't even notice...lol! Stop by the front desk and ask for her.....I bet if an old neighbor went to go visit someone they would not stop them..thre is staff there all the time. Why does he not want you to see her...what's the underlying story here? Is he worried you are going to have her sign something behind his back or something?
Dayzee--this sounds very strange to me, that you should be blocked from visiting your Mom---So I took it upon myself to see what I could find for you-and came up with this: I'm assuming you've already had the hard conversation -- very tightly focused on what's best for your mother -- with your brother who is hell-bent on blocking your access to her. If not, try it. You may be able to find out specifics about his concerns that will help you all be able to pull together rather than be torn farther apart during this difficult time.
You have lived your life with the ins and outs of your particular family members. If that urging just seems futile, your best bet may be to do an end run around your brother and contact the administrator at your mother's nursing home. He or she may work with you in finding a solution, which may be as simple as setting up a staggered visiting schedule for you and your brother.
Many nursing homes also have family councils or dispute resolution panels that help resolve conflicts that involve their residents.
If your heart tells you it's time to try to make visits with your mother, no matter how difficult it may seem, then follow this path. In the long haul-things may just work out. Best~ Hap
yet another original poster who does not participate in their own thread. And we blather on and on offering suggestions, none of which are commented on nor acted upon, apparently. Basta!
I, too, say the same thing as DanielRomero. Unless there is a restraining order that says you can't contact her in any way, your brother has no leg to stand on (legally). Go see her in good health!
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
I'm sure social service there will let you see her-who the hell does he think he is--God ??
The PG said, "They have the right to contact their mother as much as they want to."
"Yeah, but they never want to...or if one of them phones, it's a thirty second phone call, if that."
"Well, then if you sister wants a relationship with her mother that is a thirty second phone call every six months...then that is her right to have that."
The judge in the hearing also cut me short when mention of visiting came up, I didn't even get to complain that two of my sisters perpetrated credit card abuse, forgery, unrepaid loans against my mother. I didn't even get to say that when the judge banged, "I don't care if your sister is in jail for murder, she has a right to see her mother."
Your brother is misusing his POA from what I can see. And he is NOT guardian, and from my case, even if he were, he could not prevent you from seeing her. I did harangue the PG's office to set limits on the family visits (number of people at one time, and time length), including one of these two sisters who insisted on using mom's HOUSE as her holiday social hall. Ignoring Mom who hid in her bedroom to escape the chaos, and leaving me all the work to clean up before and after. After the initial hellos, they all ignored her. (Eventually, this turned out to be a good thing with visits only with Mom and not with each other.)
Anyway, these sorts of policies may vary from state to state, and you can perhaps file a complaint with the county superior court investigator (as I did against the county's own PG office when they mismanaged Mom's affairs). The court authorized him to be POA, and he is misusing his authority.
I'm assuming you've already had the hard conversation -- very tightly focused on what's best for your mother -- with your brother who is hell-bent on blocking your access to her. If not, try it. You may be able to find out specifics about his concerns that will help you all be able to pull together rather than be torn farther apart during this difficult time.
You have lived your life with the ins and outs of your particular family members. If that urging just seems futile, your best bet may be to do an end run around your brother and contact the administrator at your mother's nursing home. He or she may work with you in finding a solution, which may be as simple as setting up a staggered visiting schedule for you and your brother.
Many nursing homes also have family councils or dispute resolution panels that help resolve conflicts that involve their residents.
If your heart tells you it's time to try to make visits with your mother, no matter how difficult it may seem, then follow this path. In the long haul-things may just work out.
Best~
Hap