My spouse has dementia and is convinced that he has not money. We have always keep entirely separate accounts; I am not on his checking; he is not on mine. We have shared expenses equitably - kind of. His expenses have run about 30% of his net income; mine run about 48%. Money is a BIG trigger for both of us. He is refusing to pay our estimated taxes, so I have paid those. He is now refusing to pay our property taxes, which is currently due as well as house and car insurance (these expenses are part of his 30%}. He is actually pretty well, except for understanding of numbers - consequently this idea that he has no money. I cannot absorb all expenses and am becoming quite resentful. Our trust does provide that I would have financial POA, but I don't think I have enough to try and invoke that PLUS he would know and it would likely create further tension. I am unsure how to approach getting him to pay his share.
You have here a man refusing to pay his taxes.
Life doesn't go well for people who don't pay their taxes.
I would see an Elder Law Attorney either with him or without him. If you can't afford this, then you are going to be in a whole lot of trouble eventually.
Executive function is CRUCIAL to protection and safety. You may need to apply for a financial conservatorship. And it is definitely time for visit to MD and some testing. Because to be this crazed about money and otherwise well doesn't make a whole lot of sense on the face of it. Generally someone like this is not functioning well in other manner as well.
See an elder law attorney. Make it clear you are needing to buy and hour of their time to discuss options. Take all details with you.
I wish you good fortune on this part of your journey.
If the above won't work, then you just have to get the check book out and tell him the house/car insurance is due and to write a check or they will be terminated. Tell him how much is in the bank at the same time.
1. Immediately get documentation from medical provider that husband is unable to manage his finances (and perhaps other care needs) due to his changing brain chemistry, i.e., dementia (although most MDs do not write 'dementia'. However they describe it, it is legal evidence and documentation that you need for legal documents, bank accounts - all his financial business.
2. Call / engage (hire) an elder / trust attorney.
- Get all hen, you get all the legal documents in order so you can manage.
If I were you, I might engage an attorney yesterday. Then call his medical provider. Provide written statement or list of what is happening so MD has it in your husband's records. MD needs this documentation somehow. It will help if you start a daily journal of what transpires.
Your husband is unable to do what is needed due to his changing brain chemistry. It is understandable that he is 'refusing' to pay estimated taxes (as) he doesn't understand what it means anymore; he cannot do it.
You must take the required steps to insure everything, legally, is in order - for his wellbeing and yours. You must protect your assets, and his (as his wife).
Gena / Touch Matters
You can see a Divorced atty for work other than just doing “divorces”. It’s a couples equitable segregation of assets work to be done and with whatever legal filings needed to enforce then is then done by the atty. There being an existing Trust makes this even more complicated. That hubs refuses to pay property taxes or IRS taxes, is super scary stuff to me. Deliquency on either has serious ratifications. (I’ve done tax sales and seen families in panic & distress at the courthouse finding out family members home under tax sale redemption). Divorce practice will know an elder law guy to bring in as needed.
Please don’t wait on this….. your hubs sounds perfect for a scammer to hit up as hubs has lost his executive functioning but still has the ego/belief he is still 100% able to know better than others. You may want to google: Lewy Body Dementia. Lewy is a bit different at the beginning as a dementia for how it runs….. they stay appearing quite competent and cognitive & even social but their executive functioning is shot. They can’t balance a checkbook or understand an invoice or a bank statement. And will not be convinced otherwise. Good luck and let us know what happens. We do learn from each other.