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Only reason I’m Co-Executor is because none of my other sisters wanted the burden. (note: eldest sister n I are 14 yrs apart.) My sister who is also co-executor basically has her name but I did majority of work. I normally would never take money from my mom - as the baby of the family I figured I’m doing this for my mom. My mom passed away November 2019 and we are finally closing escrow on her million dollar house. Her will stated to divide shares equally amongst her 7 daughters. I’ve tried my best to be fair but I’ve come across so many obstacles. (1) my nephew wanted to purchase the house cheap (less then $200k of what we got) - I along w/ some sisters said no - thinking my mom has 14 grandkids and why should only one benefit besides the Will said to split amongst 7 sisters. So now my sister and nephew will probably never speak to me again. (2) my other sister wanted her husband to be our realtor so he could get commission- I didn’t want to involve family but the sister who was son didn’t get the house already told my brother in law to be realtor - so he was but there was no progress for 70 days - my BIL sucked at his job - and my mom has reverse mortgage and we only have one year to sell before house goes to foreclosure. So I felt like we had to do something - so we hired a new realtor we got the house sold above asking price at $1.1M. Meanwhile my sister who is married to realtor has made my life a living hell. She has said such horrible things to me saying I broke our family, cussing me out via group text msgs and she has threatened to sue me. She called my realtor and told him she will file a lawsuit if we sell house w/o her permission. She thinks she has to sign paperwork to sell house because my mom left house to all 7 of us. She’s so stupid not realizing that is why my mom appointed her successor trustees (my sister and I as Co-Executors). So I tried my best to bite my tongue and just go forward with the sale of the house. Every one of us will be receiving $20k more then we would have if we sold it to my nephew and I know the house would still be for sale if my BIL sold it (note his realtor ID online shows last real estate Transaction was 2014). I even asked my sister if the reason she is suing because she and her husband are not getting extra money from his commission- she said yes.
And the worst part is out of 7 daughters these two hardly ever saw my mom - one lived 5 minutes away and the other greedy one would only visit if she used my mom's money to rent a car.
Note I live the farthest from all my sisters (over an hour away), but I had to see my mom every week no matter what - I would take the ferry, subway, Uber rain or shine.
I just don’t know what to do about the Executor fee compensation. It was a lot of work plus we had to remodel home and I’ve spent so many hours dealing w/ sale of house and taking care of finances etc. The other sister who is co executor barely did anything. And honestly money to me is the root of all evil - but our accountant said the the fees total up to $20k. I feel like that’s too much, but I just don’t think my 2 sisters deserve any more then they deserve. However I know this would cause more chaos amongst us girls. Honestly the those two have said such mean horrible things to me that I really don’t want to see or speak to them again. My mom just died - and all they care about is the house and money. But I feel guilty getting compensated and splitting it w/ sister who really didn’t do much. Any advice?

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ABSOLUTELY YES take the fee. Absolutely YES!!!! As someone else here says. Full Stop.
First of all, Sisters who act in this manner will have ZERO respect for you if you do NOT. You can bet they WOULD. They will think you are only stupid not to take it. So don't expect a thanks from them, or anything else.
Take the fee and don't act for a single second that you ever thought to do anything else, and take as much of a fee as you are able to.
Sorry, but it infuriates me. I just am almost finished with a year acting as POA and Trustee for my Bro and now settling out the simplest estate and Trust every created. And even at THAT it is work.
TAKE THE FEE.
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You did a great job in a very difficult and dysfunctional situation. By all means pay yourself the 20k. It is obvious why mom asked you to do this job. You had the strength to complete the job in spite of the threats from, especially greedy sister. Your mom put that fee in the trust because she knew the work and pressures that would be placed upon you.

And 20k? Yes every dime. Sit down, figure out how many hours you have spent on the task. Then take those hours an multiply by $300.00/hour. If you had not been able to stand up to sisters an attorney would have been needed. Think of the difference between the 20k and what an attorney would have made as a bonus to your sisters. A gift. And make sure you tell them thanks for nothing.

And when it comes right down to it, that is only an additional 3k for each of you.
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If you're worried about causing chaos, I think that's already started, as have personal attacks.  

It seems to me that the family have $$$ in their eyes, and whatever you do, someone's going to be offended.    But remember that you're acting on behalf of your mother.   And you have to find the best transactions and deals, and that doesn't include giving a nephew a discount, or hiring a realtor with a poor track record.

As to splitting it with your sister, if she's been helping, she should have documented her actions and time, just like attorneys do.  That's what I did for the first Trust I administered, and what I do now.  It can be a burden as it requires a lot of timekeeping, but it's necessary.

I hope you've done that, but if not, try to recap as best you can, especially as to expenses incurred.

From what you've written, there's already friction in the family with people looking to see what they can get.  If you give in, they'll know they can win, and this may not be the last time they try to get their own way.

Just make sure you've got all the expenses documented.
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MargaretMcKen Aug 2020
Time, not just expenses.
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I would not let what the others think or what they might think or do factor into your decision whether or not to take a fee for your executor duties. That is for YOU to decide. YOU were appointed as executor, so you make the decisions, not the others. Could it make for issues? Sure, but you already have issues with those two, so whether you do take a fee or not, there will be bad blood there. Will they get over it? That's for them to decide. Will taking more make it worse? Possibly, but the law DOES provide for executors to get paid for their time and effort. State laws (and sometimes wills) direct what can and can't be taken as a fee. The court will have final say. Although one of your sisters is co-executor, I would NOT give half of whatever is decided on for the fee to her. She has to show proof of her work. No work, no pay. Minimal work, minimal pay. Since there is a will, final decision will go through the court. If it's considered too much, they will nix it. If you don't take any, they may question it.

As for the amount, $20k seems awfully high. Sale of the home was $1.1m, but you said there was a reverse mortgage AND you stated that the 7 of you would be netting about $20k. That only amounts to about $140k. You should find out what your state allows for "reasonable" compensation. Each state has it's own rules. It could be a %age of the estate, it could be based on how complex the estate was and/or how much effort went into it. Years ago I had to take over the mess left when the sister of my mother's deceased cousin passed away - she was the executor for her sister who passed first and I found out after the fact that I was named as the alternate. WHAT a mess!! Between the negligent atty they had and her taking a HUGE chunk of the money back to FL (we're in NE) for fear the atty was going to steal it... Thankfully the CD instructions were processed after the estate account was set up, and it went into the original account! The estate account had been wiped clean and the sister's son was taking dad, with dementia, to the bank and withdrawing LOTS of money! The CD amount saved the day - there was enough to cover all the distributions that were stipulated in the will. The atty I hired gave me a dollar amount and I went with that. Even though some of the work had been done, it still took about 2 years to complete the process so that I could send checks to those named in the will.

Now, given the sale price of the home and possible complexity of dealing with the reverse mtg and disposing of/selling personal property, repair management, etc, the accountant may be correct. Is there an atty involved? I would consult with him/her as well.

Something else to consider - the executor fee IS taxable income. The inheritance is not. Your income tax bracket may be a factor as well - would this extra $20k push you into a higher bracket, both state and federal, thereby negating any big benefit, or would it be better to take a smaller fee and get more inheritance tax free? Hopefully if you have an atty s/he is well versed in both executor fees for your state AND federal tax implications.

Brief discussion here:
https://www.legalzoom.com/articles/what-does-the-executor-of-a-will-get-paid
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imadaughter17 Aug 2020
The $20k was additional money each sibling got because they didn't sell to nephew for the discounted price....not what each sibling netted
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SevenofSeven,
Take the fee. Divide the money as your mom wished, and don't worry about the in-law realtor. I am a believer that in-laws should stay out of family business. It is sad your family can't put these things aside to grieve your mothers death and be supportive during this most difficult time. My thoughts and prayers are with you. Sorry for your loss of your dear mother and wishing you peace and strength.
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Isthisrealyreal Aug 2020
Whats the difference between inlaws and outlaws?

Outlaws are wanted!
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Take the fee. For the simple fact that your time is worth something. If you weren’t doing the job of executor, the estate would be paying a professional to do it and that would cost you a lot more than $20k. You aren’t morally obligated to do the work for free.
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Take the money for doing the job. The sh** has already hit the fan. Not getting paid won’t make anyone love you. Remember your mother, and use the fee you have earned to do something that she would want you to enjoy.
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earlybird Aug 2020
Well said, Margaret!
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Take the fee. An Executor is entitled to it. We didn't net much from my Moms house, so I didn't take mine. I was compensated though by my brothers allowing me to keep 5k in shares. I had done all the caring for my Mom.

You were right in not allowing family to be involved in buying or selling of the home. Its kind of a catch 22. Damned if u do, damned if u don't. Did u have a contract with BIL? If not then he doesn't have a leg to stand on. He didn't sell the home he doesn't deserve the commission. There will be an accounting that all the beneficaries will need to sign before Probate can be closed. They can contest but it will hold up the money.
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Isthisrealyreal Aug 2020
Even with a contract they don't have a leg to stand on. Most contracts specifically address non performance as a reason to terminate the contract.

The proof is in the actual facts of what happened.

I would tell them that I would see them in court and counter sue for the threats and intimidation as well as non performance for personal gain. Counter suits usually stop frivolous actions by others using the legal system to bully.
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Yes, you take the fee. Divide it with the co-executor. If possible divide it based on the amount of work you each did.
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I'm not sure about the US but here the fee is taxable income so that may be something to consider. Under the circumstances you describe I would take the payment, it should be easy enough to make up a spreadsheet of all the work you (and sister) did and divide the money accordingly.
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Your job as executor is to follow your mother's instructions as laid out in her will together with whatever other directions support it.

So do that, and take the fee as correctly calculated, and split it with your sister as also directed. To do anything else would be wrong - wrong, as in, not what your mother wanted to happen AND put her name to.
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Yes! Take the fee. While it is the root of all evil, your time, energy, gas, wear and tear are worth something. Would you work for an employer that paid you nothing? The thing I see is that the situation is already volatile, damage is done those who are willing are doing, those that don't care or are not willing are not. Check with a financial advisor, but last time I was checking. That income is not taxable in the US, but things change.
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FloridaDD Aug 2020
CPA here.  Executors fees have always been taxable.  Inheritances not subject to income tax.
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One of my close friends who is a CPA/MBA from a top school was executor of his mother's estate.  He said it was nothing but aggravation and would not do it again, he would pay someone
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Take the fee as the other posters have said. Once all the money has been distributed you will probably not hear from one or more of your family again.
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Changing realtors was a smart move, sister already said her lawsuit would be because of lost commission money. Guess what he didn't do his job so he was fired. Not selling to a family member who wanted to buy below fair market value was also a good choice. Was he actually going to live there or flip it to make money from his aunt's inheritance? Take the fee, you have more than earned it. Split it with your other sister based on amount of work done concerning the estate. She will receive less than you but you have done the lions share of the work. It boils down to pure greed on your sisters threatening to sue, they want what they want regardless of ramifications to others. They could be threatening to sue as a bullying tactic to get you to cave into their demands. Tell sister complaining about loss of commission that IF BIL had done his job you would not have been forced to seek professional assistance elsewhere. She may have been counting on a windfall and already began spending funds she didn't have, not your problem, it's hers. The can of worms has been opened and can not be sealed again. They may or may not be able to get over it. Just went thru my MIL estate where husband was executor and a signer on his mom's accounts, his younger sister was also a signer on the accounts. I suggested he close the accounts and open an estate account, at first he was hesitant to do so until I informed him baby sister has every legal right to close the accounts and there wasn't a thing he would be able to do about it. Good thing he listened to advise because a week later she was screaming on the phone how all mom's accounts with her name on them were closed. She was planning on getting what she wanted and forget her other 2 siblings. No, the estate was not very large but she would've ended up with more than her mom wanted her to have. You have those who are fair and those who are out for themselves, at least 2 of your siblings fall into the latter category. Good luck, remember you can only make some people happy, don't let the toxic ones get to you.
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JoAnn29 Aug 2020
I think its recommended to get an Estate acct. Mom had nothing but a couple hundred left in her acct so I closed that longbbefore she passed. I kept the money foe anything she may need. When I Probated, my lawyer had me open an Estate account and put that money in it. Then when the house sold, the proceeds were put in there. An accounting was done and money distributed.
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Take the fee. You have no control over the behavior of other family members; they are going to think whatever they think and do whatever they do. They are not your responsibility.
You've done the job you were assigned to do, to the very best of your ability. You've earned the compensation. That's why a fee for the executor exists: it's hard work and the person who does it should be paid.
Best of luck; you are dealing with a lot, but family members personal issues shouldn't be one of the things you have to "fix" along with everything else you're handling.
My condolences on the loss of your mother.
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Everyone has their hand out, but no one wants to do any of the work.  That is a very familiar cord with most of us.  Odds are those sisters are not going to be involved in your life much once the estate is settled anyways.  Take the fee and be done with it.  You have earned it.
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Take the fee..
Would the "family realtor" have not taken commission if he had sold the house? I bet the answer to that is a big NO.
If you truly do not want to take the entire fee and there is a "co-executor" figure out how much work she has put in and give a % to her. If she did 1/3 of the work give her 1/3 of the fee.

But you are entitled to compensation for the work you have done. Do not feel guilty about it you know what you are worth.
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Bet none of your sisters feel guilty about sticking you with it. Take the money, as much as possible. You will earn it.
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They don't "want the burden"...then they should be ready and willing to let the estate pay someone who is willing to accept the burden. 'nuff said. At the very least compensation for actual time and expense is the least you (and your co executor) should claim. You have travel, time, appointments, gas, It isn't freeto you to do this job for them.
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I have lost a relative who was raised as my brother.

My advice- write off the twosistersinbloodandmoneyonly, take the executor’s fee THAT YOU DESERVE, and take some time for yourself to deal with the genuine grief you felt for your mom.

The guilt- don’t waste your time on it. Not. At. All.

Money can be a good servant but a very poor master. The cheap, nasty sisters may wind up learning that the hard way.
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You've been a good steward of your Moms money! She picked correctly! This fee is for YOU. You are not being greedy, it was put in there for a reason and you certainly have earned it as your Mom so thoughtfully included in her will knowing this wasn't going to be easy. Stand strong your doing all the right things!
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My DH was his dad's executor. Dad had a condo and a rental house. BIL sold both and took his cut.

Dh did all the legwork and EOL stuff. I cleaned and painted and flipped the condo to get the best price possible ( and we did) but BIL wouldn't allow me to take an hourly fee for the work I did. It angered me to no end that DH basically caved to BIL and did all he could to make BIL's 'cut' be larger than anyone else's.

My son was in law school at the time and beyond livid at his father for being such a patsy. BUT--this was DH's family and his problem. I was very, very angry at being used to prepare the properties for sale but I talked about it once with DH and promised him I'd stay calm. BIL DEMANDED I keep and show him all the receits. I did. To the literal DIME.

It created some really bad feelings between me and BIL (who is the world's laziest man).....but it's been 16 years and I tried to let it go.

Our OWN will/trust specifically names our executors and specifies and AMOUNT they are to receive in the disposition of the estate. And we will amend that, if needs be. I have talked to all the kids and they know that if they mess with the decisions their dad and I have made, they will inherit NOTHING.

My BIL (DH'd brother) who was never around or involved in any care, any anything--stood to inherit the same amt as the other 2 kids. That was another whole issue.)
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Would you have charged your mother for taking care of her business if she was alive? Probably not. Why add more salt to the wounds.

The will was very specific and divided her estate among 7 daughters. The house is sold so divide it that way and be done with it. Just so they know you were being fair, record what the accountant said about payment for your services and mark that document as 'I am declining payment for my executor services'. It will be clear to them that you tried to do the right thing. Highlight on the will mom's decision to divide equally with all the siblings. Attach a document that proves what house sold for, what had to be paid out of that amount, final balance and divide by 7.

You are correct that grandson should not have benefited in a way that other grandchildren would not. It's also an indicator of that sister wanting more than her fair share. Realtor sister should not benefit from sale of your mom's house either.

As long as they can see, in black and white, what the will said and what the distribute-able proceeds are - no one should have a complaint. And if they do, it won't matter at that point anyway. If someone wants to be mad because you followed your mom's wishes without being paid to do so - let 'em be mad. You won't have a guilty conscience.
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Mackert Aug 2020
I was the Executor of my Aunt’s estate and took half the fee that would be normal. I believe that whether I would charge her if she were alive, has no barring here. The work and emotional roller coaster ride that being an Executor, is totally different from helping that Family Member when they are alive.
Just make sure that you keep track of everything you are doing in a log. I have seen all different types of Families lose their way after a death of a loved one. Wills can create great upheaval in a Family. The worst side of some people comes out when death happens in a Family. Whether that Family is close or not, it just does.
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Because there is so much diversity in your family, hire the services of an "elder Care Attorney" as soon as possible. Don't hire an accident/bankruptcy/real estate/estate planning/etc. lawyer. Elder Care is first and foremost. Let them make the legal decisions and take the blame if a sister disagrees. You say two sisters disagree with you but keep in mind the other four are evidently on your side (you must be doing a good job if you have a ratio of two to one). Good luck!
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Harpcat Aug 2020
not an elder care attorney....hire an estate attorney. That is their bailiwick and speciality
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Yes, Yes, absolutely YES!
You’re the executor, performing Executor Duties. You’re legally entitled to compensation. You’re also obviously suffering anxiety and dread that comes from herding six cats. All of which makes you additionally morally entitled to compensation.
Repeat the following when you start feeling sibling pressure:
“I can’t please everyone. I’m exercising Mom’s wishes. My sisters will be angry no matter what I do or don’t do”.
My mother passed a few years ago. I still find it comforting speakIng to her. Especially on matters she would of had a strong opinion.
Best Wishes
RobertCasey
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Yes as to the administrator fees. I am currently the administrator of a trust and it is a LOT of work. If you weren't the one to do it, SOMEONE would have to and they would charge more than the 1 percent to 4 percent (based on the value of the estate). You have personal and estate taxes to file, accounts and creditors to deal with, stuff to sell or dispose of, etc. Talk to an estate attorney. It will be well worth the consultation fee - and the estate should pay the fee for its own management. (I haven't read the other responses, just speaking from my own experience.)
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Maryjann Aug 2020
I mean the attorney fee in that last comment.
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Not only YES but Hell YES! My dad just died and my sister and I are co-trustees to his estate. When we visited with his trust attorney he told us we should charge a fee that we felt good about. If he were to settle the estate he would charge $280/hr! We are both charging $50/hr. So far the two of us have put in over 60 hours and we aren't finished yet. It is a lot of work and those not involved haven't a clue. However, if you do charge you should be keeping a detailed log of what, when and where and how much time involved in each task. I made up a simple log spreadsheet that we use to report our tasks and time spent. Luckily our other two sisters accepted this without any issues. Do not feel guilty getting compensated. You are doing a tremendous task and service. That is why you each should be tracking your tasks and do it by hours. No it shouldn't be equal. Who does the most gets the most. Too bad you both didn't meet with the trust attorney first to get all this ironed out. Maybe if you make an appointment with a trust attorney now with all sisters either there or on conference call a third party might get them to understand the enormity of this task.
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And by the way, just because you are named as an executor or trustee doesn't mean you have to accept it. You can say you don't want to do it and walk away from it. Or hire an attorney to do it.
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YES. Accept the fee. Your mother wrote her Will with the advice of her attorney. I would be shocked if the attorney did not advise her that the Co-Executors would be allowed a fee. The attorney for the probate case will also be paid a fee. In my state the fees allowed for the attorney and the executor are the same. You may be allowed to request additional payment based on work that was in excess of what would would considered usual or normal. It sounds like you have performed a lot of work, some of it complicated, with no help from your siblings. Make sure you document the work you have done. And, accept the fee allowed. You have earned it. It's sad, but I've seen many families behave strangely when a parent dies and there is any amount of estate to be divided. Just do your job. Get paid. And do not feel guilty about it.
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