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I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
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Aha. Yes. "Mom, I can't do this if you won't work with me and your doctors. This is your choice". Bat the ball firmly into her court. What is the Geri Psych saying, by the way?
My brothers response to me needing help from him is, " you signed on for this". What a heartless response! I am beginning to feel guilty to having a boyfriend and I guess if I got rid of him mom would be happy. Then I would be there for her 24/7. She has recently started buying only food for her and now I pay the majority of bills/food/utilities...etc. I don't get it. I guess my happiness doesn't count to my mother or brother. I already deal with my own depression and frankly I feel happier when he is at my house...depressed when he is gone.
Also I feel like I wait on her hand and foot but she rarely says thanks for anything I do. I feel taken for granted and abused mentally. I work full time and come home to a miserable woman who seems to hate me... I just don't know what to do. All I feel like doing is crying.
You have to read the whole strand. Her mother had dementia, and she couldn't see it. Mom was paranoid and delusional.
this really has to do with your mom's state of mind; you need to find out what's going on, and that you do through a geriatric psych.
Your mother is committing emotional blackmail by saying she'll kill herself. has she SEEN an assisted living place recently? Take her on a tour for the free lunch.
What did the Geriactic Psych. say your mom's diagnosis is? Did they have any recommendations about the level of care that your mom needs and what mentally speaking she is capable of?
Having to endure all of this emotional blackmail, I think that it would help you to see a therapist both to vent about this and to get some face to face guidance on how to handle it.
Without guardianship, you want be able to move her anywhere against her will, but at least she is in your house instead of you being in her's. That's an expensive step to take and will only work if she's been diagnosed as incompetent by a doctor.
My next stop would be a geriatric psychiatrist. Is she having paranoid thoughts, delusions about you? What is she telling your brother, and is he believing her? Who is treating her depression?
I think that you need to rethink the decision to have her move in with you; what was the reason for that? It's apparently not working out between you. What are the other possibilities for her living arrangements/care?
When (and if) it became obvious that mom needed more care than she was getting, did your brother have opinions about how that should be arranged? Was he in favor of a facility and you were not? If that's the case, then perhaps you can see his point that "you signed up for this", ie, you didn't look at the other possibilities.
Perhaps your mom (like mine) said, "oh no, I couldn't possibly go to one of "those" places. But there was no other alternative, because she couldn't deal with help coming into the home. She ended up really enjoying her time at Independent Living. Like another poster here often says, like a cruise ship that doesn't leave the dock.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
What a heartless response! I am beginning to feel guilty to having a boyfriend and I guess if I got rid of him mom would be happy. Then I would be there for her 24/7. She has recently started buying only food for her and now I pay the majority of bills/food/utilities...etc. I don't get it. I guess my happiness doesn't count to my mother or brother. I already deal with my own depression and frankly I feel happier when he is at my house...depressed when he is gone.
this really has to do with your mom's state of mind; you need to find out what's going on, and that you do through a geriatric psych.
Your mother is committing emotional blackmail by saying she'll kill herself. has she SEEN an assisted living place recently? Take her on a tour for the free lunch.
Having to endure all of this emotional blackmail, I think that it would help you to see a therapist both to vent about this and to get some face to face guidance on how to handle it.
Without guardianship, you want be able to move her anywhere against her will, but at least she is in your house instead of you being in her's. That's an expensive step to take and will only work if she's been diagnosed as incompetent by a doctor.
When (and if) it became obvious that mom needed more care than she was getting, did your brother have opinions about how that should be arranged? Was he in favor of a facility and you were not? If that's the case, then perhaps you can see his point that "you signed up for this", ie, you didn't look at the other possibilities.
Perhaps your mom (like mine) said, "oh no, I couldn't possibly go to one of "those" places. But there was no other alternative, because she couldn't deal with help coming into the home. She ended up really enjoying her time at Independent Living. Like another poster here often says, like a cruise ship that doesn't leave the dock.
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