Why do I feel like I failed? Why are some things so hard?

Failure is built into end-of-life caregiving. You can’t succeed with dementia or other end-of-life issues. You can’t make your loved ones better. You’ve lost that battle before you even started.

People don’t talk about this, but we should. Media are full
of happy smiling moms and dads savoring their last years with a sweet and helpful caregiver or adult child looking on. They don’t show the full adult diapers that must be changed or that dad hasn’t been able to string a complete sentence together for two years. They never highlight mom’s frequent falls or the bruises on her legs.

Accept that it was a lost battle from the beginning. Internalize it. Don’t chastise yourself for not doing enough. They were lucky to have you to help, and now it’s time to move on as best you can.

I wish you comfort and peace.

Big hugs. I lost my mom 15 days ago. Took about a week for me to get asked for a death cert for a pod bond that uh... Mom cashed last year because said sibling was actively ghosting her and not helping. The vulture/s are the worst. V we're sitting here howling at a silence that maybe for a bit we thought we wanted back but... Never like this, ever. And other fam who did zip and we're lucky if they even gave parents lip service are suddenly wanting the piece of the pie that they had zero involvement in. The inability to make decisions, in my case, is because the "or else" at end of them has gotten smaller or vanished entirely. Now the parts of you that yes, made life and death decisions, is exhausted. Be gentle with yourself. It's not a sign of failure that you can't figure out food, its a sign of how badly you were pressed and how much time or inner reflection that you might need to do in all of this to recover. I wish I had optimism to give you but.. yeah. I mean I'm sure there's a light at the end only cause everyone keeps saying there is. But it's hard to see when family is being shitty. No they do not have it "the same as you" in losing parents. They weren't the ones who felt their fingers go cold. So seriously **** them. Point out probate can take years and every time they bring it up act like just thinking about it is making it harder to deal with so now you need another few weeks to calm down and process. Seriously some ppl just suck

Focus for us all "SHOULD" be on how we treat our loved ones everyday, what we can do for them while they are here.: honesty, loyalty, loving care & behavior, protection etc. As well, preparing to let go when people, pets etc, we love pass. Being born sets the end of course passing, nobody escapes this. So it behooves us all to focus on life, what we can do while they are here and accepting death vrs contending with it. To do so is shadow boxing with one's self. U cant control when people pass,or stop it from happening. So why live in fear of it pre-passing and post-passing be annihilated inside for weeks, months, even years?
---GRIEF: is focusing on loss, what U personal don't have anymore. It's truly a form of self-torment. U can celebrate who mom & dad were, all the good stuff, how lucky U were to have them and them U. Your focus can be the good stuff, even the real not so great stuff U bore together as a family, being there for one another. But focusing on that not being there anymore, no more new memories, experiences etc, does what? Torments you! Moms & dads are supposed to precede us to the grave. Its not weird, its normal. Perception and pos+ or neg- focus therein = your moment by moment, right? Had an awesome ride that has come to an end that now frees you to start a new journey spending more time and being there for your son, wife (if applicable), the passing of your parents has freed up. Throwing yourself into the future, glad for your past your mom & dad in your life enabled.
---Fear: what ifs, thinking "I can't take one more thing" & believing it, yet 5 more things hit and you endure it over and over by now making the "One more thing" untrue... Can't do this without mom & dad when you've been doing yours and theirs, their passing actually freeing you as soon as probates done. Whatever, these kind of thoughts everyone deals with are in gen, not true. Sounds like in your case, def not true. Just more torment.
---Son/bullying: Def if he's not mentally & emotionally safe and is miserable, a change is necessary. School officials ought to watch over him, he's special needs. If they don't get that, def not the environment for him. So many kids are cruel. Had a horrible time in school myself starting in 1st grade thru 7th everyday almost w/bullying. Then became the wildest person in the room to stop that from ever happening to me again. Had no dad to help me but your son does.
---Siblings: they sound like your "A-typical" vultures showing up when the hard stuffs done to pick at the carcass. Where is the love, the family comradery, the compassion, the sharing? Good thing is, this unfortunate passing of parents showed you who your siblings are, what is and isn't in their hearts regardless of what their words convey. Actions speak louder than words, words can lie but actions reveal.
---Your at the finish line my man, just a few more feet and its over, turn page, new chapter that is the rest of your life. Best wishes!!!!

You are not a failure. Overwhelmed, yes. Failure, no. And you want to make the best decision for that moment in time. That takes energy which you really don't have.

When I get that way, I usually can't sleep. When I don't get enough sleep, I get grouchy and if I'm in really bad shape, I do "scorched earth" and then everything gets worse.

Lately, what has been working for me so that I can get the sleep, is just to list everything on a piece of paper. Don't bother prioritizing, just list it all. Then take one thing and promise myself that I will do that one thing the next day. The next day, do that one thing or at least part of that one thing. If you have energy, do another. However, just do one. If that one morphs into multiple actions, then add the actions to the list. As things pop up in your brain, add it to the list. One at a time. As you complete an item, cross out the item.

I'm old school. Although digital is more environment friendly, I find myself preferring paper.

As another poster wrote, one foot at a time and in front of the other. You can get through this.

May the light from above, gently guide you through the path.

Money brings out the ugly side of people. If your parents couldn't get their own children to mend fences and get along, how were you supposed to do that? You shouldn't feel like you failed with that....you can only control yourself.

Checking some things off of your list of "to do's" will help you not feel so overwhelmed.
1) contact the school about the bullying and demand that they address it and ask for therapy/counseling for your son
2) find a grief counselor for yourself...maybe even something as simple as a group that meets weekly or monthly. many of these are free and held at churches
3)bite the bullet and get the probate paperwork done...the sooner you do that, the sooner your siblings will stop harassing you and go away

I am sorry for your loss. One foot in front of the other...you can do this.

I don't know if I can answer the "why" of it all, but I was in your shoes when my mother came to me for her last years with Alzheimer's and then had many severe heart attacks that left her non- responsive and unlikely to change. I had to figure out the best thing to do, based on her wishes. That turned out to be removal of her life support. Suddenly, my previously scarce siblings were present, and casting blame my way. I know your frustrations. Don't think you're a failure because you can't please everyone. Besides, you loved your Mom and Dad and cared for them when they needed you. That's very important, and when done with sincerity, you can't fail at it. Bless you for loving your parents and caring for them. Do what you feel you can, and perhaps delegate some of the outstanding projects to your siblings , or just ignore them altogether. I wish you luck , love and light.

You did your very best for your parents—your siblings failed miserably. Caregiving is an incredibly difficult job, and your body, mind and heart are recovering. You especially miss your mom. She was supportive and was onto your siblings motivation and behavior. I would go to the attorney with your siblings. What if your parents left you extra because you were a loving caregiver? It would be very helpful to have the attorney referee things. You’ve earned it and it will help you relocate if that’s what you decide to do.

Grief sucks. It sneaks up when you see the most innocuous thing. You haven’t had much time to grieve given your situation. Grief raids your mind and things are very confusing. You may want to hold off relocating until your mind is more collected., Give yourself a break. Keep things as simple as you can. The siblings are who who they are. Your grief is making it hard to think about things like going to the attorney with your siblings. But do go to represent yourself. Making life and death decisions are really hard and draining. Don’t beat yourself up with the difficulties in decision making with your son. You are not a failure! Their deaths were something you had no control over. Rather you controlled the circumstances, by providing good care and comfort for their last days. So much of this confusion is grief and exhaustion. Take naps when your body tells you to. Be patient with yourself.

Dadscaregiver86: Prayers and deepest condolences sent.

Dadscaregiver86, you and your family are in my prayers!

I too had problems getting through school but fortunately could attend because I was smart enough instead of getting homeschooled education.

Autism has its challenges that make it more difficult than for blind people to communicate. At least blind people have judgement and can make decisions, fall in love, live normal lives, even have children, very much like most sighted people do.

With autism, communication is much more difficult that what others think we are selfish, or unemphatic. Not True. We experience a very different, somewhat lonely world for ourselves, and desire help with support. It's just our brains are different and process items differently. Those who cannot talk rely on help but can be a joy to raise. There are also very brilliant HF people who invent things. God just made us different, so we can work together as a team. We with HF autism just behave differently than neurotypical people do who just do not get it or understand why we are so different from them. We HF people have an intellectual disability that others just do not get it. That is why we get bullied because our behavior appears bizarre, or unconventional in the general social society than who expects us to behave like the general population is expected.

I found out years back that I could not get SSA disability because I had Too Much Work Training and experience even though I got laid off and could no longer compete for clerical work I had built up for over 30 years, ten years short of my desired retirement age. I got so upset when I could not get better-paying clerical work nor SSA benefits for a safety net until I finally found minimum-wage work in late 2015 after a long unemployment from 2012 to 2015 from the resulting Great Recession.

We just require more patience. Then please learn to view what it is like from less than normal: a preference to be alone rather than face negative talk with someone without patience, learning challenges others take for granted, and so on. Learn to know what developmental disorder, called autism spectrum disorder, or ASD and all support our views.

We never outgrow autism. I am an adult who faces challenges lifelong alone, now as a retiree with no local relatives to support me. Out-of-State remote contact is better than none.

Shared Link here: What is Autism Spectrum Disorder? | CDC

Patathome01

If you are the executor of your parents' will and estate, you take your good da*n time settling things.
You do not have to jump because your pushy siblings harrangue and harass you about it. You work on your time, not theirs.
Tell them to go pound sand or tell any one of them to go get the paperwork and you will gladly sign over executorship of the will.
As for your son, if he wants to leave the school he's in because of the bullying, take him out.
He can go to alternative schooling. Such places do exist. My cousin's son went to one. He got mercilessly bullied in school to the point where he could not go to regular public school anymore. He's a good kid. I say 'kid' even though he's now pursuing his master's in education to become a special education teacher. Take your kid out of the school he's in and find an alternative for him.
You'll be okay and you did not fail anyone. You did right by your parents. The top priority is your son not your siblings and their potential inheritance. They can wait. He cannot.
BTW, you do know that as executor of the will you are entitled to be paid fees and for your tine out of the estate, right?

Here’s my 2 cents. I would break things into more manageable chunks.

Chunk 1: You did not fail anyone. Put a check by it. Look at it every day.

Chunk 2: Set aside 30 min to grieve every day. Cry. Scream. Rant. Then save the rest of the grieving for the next day 30 min slot knowing there’s a time waiting. It will give you time to do things without feeling like you don’t care.

Chunk 3: Get the school to step up. Record the meeting … “to send to my lawyer if we can’t solve this.” Documented accountability scares them.

Chunk 4: Tell the siblings if they call the lawyer, you’ll take the lawyers fees out of their portion of the inheritance.

Chunk 5: If you’re too stressed out to handle the execution of the estate or there are things that you don’t understand, get help — from one sibling, hire an accountant, whatever. Getting help and delegating is not failing; it’s managing.

I would put together a to do list and schedule (or hire someone to help you) so you move forward. You don’t want to be stuck in motion (going in circles or using a lot of energy with minimal gain) when you need action to meet goals and deadlines. I also expect once you have that, it will calm the siblings — possible they think you’re an executor and emotional mess which isn’t giving them confidence (hence the badgering).

Email the siblings: I have a list and deadlines and will update when actions are complete.

Last chunk: Hug yourself. Believe in yourself. This situation is temporary.

Pack up and move to the next leg of your journey. Get your attorney to work with their attorneys and get the house sold and a CPA to clean up the financials and prepare to dole out whatever your parents arranged in their wills. Then block them on your phone and be ready to find your son and yourself a safe and welcoming life in a town in the heart of America.. Laurel, Mississippi? Bentonville, Arkansas?

When my mom passed, I had everything she owned in a storage unit and I offered first dibs to the son who treated her the worst. He went in with his wife and took a few items. The youngest got the rest to start a downpayment account for his first house. Being fair was important because they walked away with mere material objects and very few meaningful memories. I was the winner because she still lives in my heart and soul.

Walk away from the CRAZY and enroll yourself and your son in a Mindfulness Meditation program; I learned at our local hospital.

We cannot choose our relatives, but we can "ghost" them and refuse to engage.

I say this a lot, but only because it's true: Family is great until they're not.

Some people have families that rally, love, support, care, nurture and help.

Some.

Most have issues much like you are descrirbing to us. Your sibs are pushing you to hurry along a process over which you have very little control.

Cleaning out the 'leftovers' from someone's life is time consuming and exhausting. Sounds like your sibs are only interested in the $$ coming to them.

I think the idea of telling that every time they hassle you, you are going to the lawyer for support and advice and it's costing the estate $250. That isn't untrue--I know what my son charges for an hour of his time.

You could have the attorney draft a letter to your sibs stating just how much needs to be done to close out the estate, an estimate of how LONG that will take and send a copy to each sib. Then shut them out as much as you can.

My mom's tiny, simple estate took 5 months to 'execute'. My YB was executor and he told us upfront it would take about that long. I didn't care, but my other YB had been mom's caregiver and really was in dire need of the money that was coming to him. But I never heard him say a word about it taking that long.

I hope you are also taking YOUR hourly fee for this crummy job.

As far as your son--it breaks my heart a hundred ways to see ANY child bullied or hurt. Life is so hard, why do people make it harder? Being a bully is a one way ticket to nothing. It sounds like you are a very devoted mom and you will find what's best for your boy.

I hope you can do some things just for you. Grieving is such an odd feeling. I lost mom 5 months ago and I STILL go to pick up the phone to call her, or think "I should go see mom'...I think it will be a very long time before I am 'better'. You did not fail your folks in any way. Everyone dies. It wasn't your fault and you should be proud that you kept them safe & happy at home.

Some days will be awful. I found great comfort in sleeping. Putting my needs first (for once) and even then it's a slow process. Take care of yourself. Really. You're no good to anyone if you are burned out and sad.

And don't let ANYONE tell you that your grief is taking too long to resolve. It's a process and everyone is different.

((Hugs))

If your mind keeps telling you, “I’m a failure,” know that it’s possible to ease these thoughts and move toward positive self-talk. Please seek for advice,
Everyone has times when things don’t go according to plan, whether it’s relationship tension or not getting a promotion. When you fall short of achieving a goal it’s easy to feel let down.
Comparing yourself to others or having low self-esteem can also drive feelings of failure to an extreme. You may start to think you’ve never really succeeded and aren’t good at anything. Your inner voice might be saying you’ve failed at life in general.
Thinking that you’ve failed feels bad, so many people try to avoid it at all costs.
But, rather than avoiding failure, there are ways to minimize these overwhelming feelings. Learning how to cope with perceived failures offers a more positive outlook on life — and yourself — when things don’t go as planned.
Matilda

Tell your siblings everytime they call the attorny they bill for that.

I am so very sorry for your loss. Sending a huge, virtual hug and lots of love!
It sounds like you were INCREDIBLE with your parents and you are an INCREDIBLE Mom, do not doubt yourself ever again!

Your greedy siblings should be ashamed. I would take care of whatever paperwork needs to be addressed with the attorney so you can get them off your back and redirect your focus to healing your heart and taking care of your son.

For books, check out anything by David Kessler and Elisabeth Kubler Ross.

Listen to the Journey song 'Be Good to Yourself.' XO

You are still grieving and need time to grieve. Please consider joining a grief support group in your area. I like GriefShare, members are all experiencing grief over loss of a loved one or have finally at a place of peace about it and stay to help others. Look online or local churches for the nearest meetings.

Please also consider some weekly counselling to deal with the emotions and behavior problems you are facing from your siblings. Yes, take time to get those papers for probate completed (and get your family off your back) - hire somebody to do that if needed. Do not let your siblings bully you!

Call your son's school counsellor and schedule an appointment to create plans to help him with the bullying. Changing schools will probably only be a short term "fix" since there are a lot of children out there that will bully him, in every place he may go. Better to create plans to help him deal with the problem himself and make the school aware he is having this problem.

Find yourself a local group of supportive people to develop friendships with. Check out grief support groups, communities of faith (church, mosque, temple...) and try a class on something that interests you. You need friends and supportive people now.

Get a grief counselor and social worker and take care of your son - he is # 1 . Grief is a process . After caring for 2 Ill people which is a heavy Task your Body is emotionally wiped Out and takes a couple years to heal . I would ignore the Relatives demands They are bullies too . I hate people like that . Don't be Used - Make Boundaries with them and dont be Pushed around . You didnt fail - give yourself and your son some credit and enjoy your Lives .

How long ago did your parents die? You do sound like you are actively grieving which is disorienting enough even without problems with siblings. You did not gail your parents. They died when it was their time to die. Your siblings may see you as the one who can "take care of things" b/c you have done that with your parents.
Pay attention to your son and take his complaints about being bullied seriously. If he is in any danger of being harmed at school or harming himself, take him out of school now and inquire about home schooling or a tutor. Don't wait until you might move away. You might choose to never move. High-functioning autistic individuals often mature into exceptional and productive adults . . . maybe with some social awkwardness and hyper- sensitivity, but successful and valuable members of society. Your son should be your priority. Your adult siblings can haggle over furniture and belongings until the cows come home. The lawyer will have to arbitrate these things.

That your parents adopted you when they were 51 was clever and cruel. No judge should have permitted that. Still my condolences.

It's very crumby to have so many issues and troubles but to deal with grief on top of all these problems is stunning, and usually the case.

Try to section off a part of your mind and feelings to become a kind loving guide to yourself. Realize that you can and need to be a commando. Tell yourself that you are hurting because you are a loving person, but let the commando take over for a while.

Write down a Need To Do list. Do one at a time or what you can manage.
Don't pick up calls from siblings. Listen to messages, read texts. Take a deep breath, think clearly and decide if these things are helpful, hurtful, reasonable, nagging, etc. Respond to those who are kind.

If you must respond take your time to think. You are vulnerable right now. Some remarks may sit better after some time. Minimize your responses to those that are not kind or if you are confused for now with; "Thank you. I am taking care of that" or "Thank you, I'll take that under consideration" or "Thank you. We already spoke about that, I'll get back to you." or "Thank you for your concern. Very kind of you. I'll contact you when I need your help". Control exchanges via short texts.

Dealing with an autistic son, and even most people we live with, folks reflect each others mood, attitude, state of mind and spirit. That's how good movie makers manipulate us. We are empathetic creatures. It can be fun but we can be moved to do and feel things by self serving people. Become wise observer and kindly know that unless you're dealing with well intentioned people you may be helping them to seed you brain and heart uncomfortable or guilty thoughts. You are really in a lot more control in that regard than you or most of us know

Grieving is normal. What would be nice and considerate is if folks would help ensure you grieve gently and in peace, but the reality is people don't know what or how to help or believe they know too much better how to help and although often in a well meant way goof up terribly.

In your grief, on top of everything, you're going to have to just shake your head, look at people when they talk while you think in your head, behind a polite face, "you knucklehead you, I'm only being polite and you're boring the cr*p out of me".

Find a bereavement group. You may like the first one you join but you don't have to like the first or second one, whatever you join. You may go to one stop and go back a year later. You may call a friend for coffee and that friend will understand if you all of a sudden say after 20 minutes "I'm sorry. You know what, I've got to go now". I'd know I'd reply "Go ahead. I understand. And if you call me to go for coffee again or to pick up something and just do a drive-by drop-off delivery, that's fine" 'cause you're hurting. You'd have, within kind reason, carte blanche with a friend.

You don't have to be friends with siblings. You don't have to re-run all your parents hopes and wishes and ache that you can't make all their ideas and desires happen.

You are in charge. You can grieve, and you can take charge. You can go for a walk for an hour and then that walker can make lunch, and then that lunch maker can go window shopping or treat themselves, and then sit at home a while, stare out the window and cry. And then that cryer can become a champion and make cocoa and strip the beds and play music and say out loud NUTS, NUTS, PHOOEY, I HATE THIS AND ALMOST EVERYTHING, BUT, I do love, I do miss, I do want, things will be better, I am the bigger force, and that's what's important.

You are right, grief sucks. And no one walks our grief journey with us, it is our own path. So much of your life was wrapped around theirs and now that is gone.

I agree about redirecting everything to the lawyer.

As for your son's situation, I also think homeschooling might be a good thing to consider. I have a friend who has five kids, and three are on the spectrum. She homeschools them all and they are thriving. They are part of a homeschool group that does all kinds of activities. They joined 4H and now have chickens, goats, pigs, and pets. (This mama once said that no pet would ever be in their house, lol.) The oldest joined a local Christian school's volleyball team. They are active in their church. They are definitely not isolated! Don't be afraid to try homeschooling, there are lots of resources available.

Condolences for your late parents and require time to grieve.

Sorry to learn your son is getting bullied with his high functioning (HF) autism. Follow some of our readers' advice for assistance.

I share some of that HF autism because I have the condition and suffered all through school myself by being so "different". Now as an unmarried, independent adult, I have some remote family contact but few relationships and seeking help with my past abuse and neglect from my late divorced mentally ill mother of decades ago and live largely in isolation without local relatives.

I’ve been dealing with the same thing with my grandparents. I was taking care of my grandpa through the end, he passed from pancreatic cancer at home on hospice on the 19th. I’ve been so busy trying to help my grandmother with life after and dealing with crazy, toxic, constant arguing family that I feel like I haven’t even had a chance to process that he is gone. He was a huge part of my life. And I his for the last year. I just feel like a huge part of me is missing and I haven’t had time to grieve. I struggle with depression and anxiety very badly and I feel that when things calm down with paperwork and such that I’m going to absolutely lose it when I finally have a chance to really process that he’s gone. It’s awful. Idk how to grieve and be okay at the same time. I wish you well in this hard time.

If the school he is in can't offer your son a Free and Appropriate Public Education (FAPE) they will need to provide private school for him.

Make an appointment to speak with the administrator at the school and tell them that you fully intend to pursue legal remedies for your son.

FAPE. It's something that is federally guaranteed by Title 34 Subtitle B Chapter III Part 300. Google FAPE in Federal Law. And in the laws of your state.

Prioritize your son right now -- probate can wait. Tell your siblings to stick a sock in it.

Dad,

It is truly heartbreaking to read about your son’s issues at his school.

I would like to say that we have autism in our family as well (my great niece and a cousin.)

My daughter’s high school had a ‘buddy program’ and I am proud to say that my daughter volunteered in this program at her school. There was never any bullying by other students.

I encourage you to speak with the administrators at the school. If this is happening to your son, it is most likely happening to other students as well. So, it would be a benefit for everyone for you to be involved and speak up.

Wishing you all the best.

I am so sorry that you are going through all of this. It’s devastating to feel overwhelmed.

I think you have already solved your issue by directing your siblings to your attorney. That was smart and should greatly reduce your stress.

Your primary concern is your child. I hope that you are able to solve his issues at school. Have you spoken with anyone at his school, teachers, counselor, administrators?

You don’t need annoying distractions from your siblings. They have been instructed to pose their concerns to your attorney. Let the attorney handle it.

Of course, you miss your parents. It’s perfectly normal to grieve.

Best wishes to you and your family.

Just want to talk about son. The school and teachers need to do something about his bullying. You son has a right to public schooling and a right to feel safe in that schooling.

In my State, our public schooling has to provide whatever a disabled child needs. Problem is the State won't pay for those needs. So the School system hopes that the parents don't know their rights. Our school has had to put in an elevator for one student who was wheelchair bound. Another student was so disabled he could not learn but he was entitled to a public school education. So the school became his babysitter. They had to hire an aide to get him from class to class. The school nurse gave him his meds. The latest was not allowing a service dog for an autistic child into the school. The battle ended up the boy going to a special school and guess what, the school pays for that.

So, if your sons school is not able to teach him or keep him safe, you may have options you don't know you have. You should have a county disability dept. In my small town we have an agency keyed towards autistic people. There's a school in another county from us but its a boarding school for the autistic.

Are u executor is that why the pushing. If you have a lawyer then he should be doing all the hard work. I thought I had to do all the tax stuff with the state. I didn't have a lawyer until my brother said he did not want the house he inherited. So it had to go back into the estate. Lawyer was surprised I did what I did. He took over from there. Helped with the sale of the house and then the accting. Wish I had him from the start but then I learned alot doing it on my own.

Turn ur phone off. Ignore them. Doing good that you tell them "call the lawyer" but u may want to inform them that every call he takes is less inheritance because he charges for those calls. And because you have turned the estate over to the lawyer, you have no idea what he is doing. In my State probate cannot be closed for 8 months. I know, they seem to come out of the woodwork.

I was lucky, all Mom had was an old 123yr old farm house that was on the verge of being condemned I think. Was bought for the land and new house built. Got enough to pay her liens.

If you think that you might be perfect in this life that is almost a kind of hubris. I am not a believer, but I think we are almost claiming to be "Gods" if we are thinking we can control everything in life.
I think it's normal to miss even those you had to give care to. They diverted your attention and they were FAMILY, they CARED. You could talk to them. Now they aren't there to support you.
I wonder about your school system. I am assuming you have paid a visit. While we all have to learn to deal with the evil-doers in life, it is unusual for a school system to allow bullying today.
While you are now at loose ends, is there any way, with the support of a good program, that you could home school? At least for a while? Meanwhile nurturing your sons relationships with friends, perhaps with some sports, and taking him there? It would keep you busy.
Any way you can afford even a FEW sessions with a Licensed Social Worker in private practice for a few pointers? In all truth, there are so many talented and special people in this world with autism who are using the special skills of a brain "different" from the "norm" (whatever the heck that is). Think Temple Grandin and read him her book.
I am so sorry you are going through all this grieving at the same time you are dealing with issues for your son. Talk about the sandwich generation, huh? But you know, you have already proven you can handle so much.
Teach your son to laugh off the bullying. No one who is worth anything in this world does that, so he is way above THEM. Teach him to walk away. And teach him his own worth. Role play situations with him. Talk about what works and what doesn't.
I trust you to get through this; you have already proven who you are. My heart so goes out to you. I wish I had an answer to how hard life can be, but boy, at 80 I am just beginning to know how few answers I have.
PS: then there is Dr. Laura's infamous "splat!!!!" story. If you want it drop me a private message and I will tell it to you!