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Is not really married to Scott legally however Donna thought they were when they convinced Donna to let them have control of every. Problem is Bonnie will not let anyone take her out of home. Donna is getting depressed. Something is very wrong. I have known Donna for 30 years and she is the same ole Donna just older and not walking the best. If I don’t help her she will die from feeling imprisoned. The social worker there is friends with Bonnie so we can’t talk to her. Help Donna please.

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Bonnie doesn't need to have been legally married to Scott to have POA for Donna. Unless Donna is of sound mind and chooses to appoint someone else, Donnas POA holds. Further, if Donna is of sound mind, she doesn't need a POA to get her out of the prison-like nursing home.....if she has somewhere to go and someone to care for her, she can leave of her own accord. Do you plan to care for her? What connection do you have to Donna?

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Geaton777 Jul 9, 2024
I think the OP is the former DIL... Donna is her X MIL
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If Bonnie is not Donna's PoA and Donna isn't cognitively impaired enough for Bonnie's PoA authority to be active, then no one can stop Donna from leaving. She can call anyone to come help her to go out (or move out). If Bonnie gets worked up then call 911 and report that Bonnie is holding Donna against her will. Donna will have to say this to the police with her own lips. Donna should also tell the police and her bank that she wants control of her affairs back. This is all assuming Donna is really capable of taking care of herself.

If Bonnie is not Donna's assigned PoA then the above is still true: Donna is in control of her life unless she cannot do her ADLs and is a danger to herself or others.

If she is, then I would let Bonnie take care of her. Sometimes people with dementia tell stories that they believe are true, but aren't. Don't rush in to "rescue" Donna unless you know all the facts.
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This would be a good situation to stay out of.
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Geaton777 Jul 9, 2024
I agree. The OP seems to think Donna has all her mind and memory, only "not walking the best" -- therefore in reality (and legally!) Donna is perfectly capable of taking care of and advocating for herself...if the OP is interpreting everything accurately. I don't think she is because she would have alreadly left or called the cops on Bonnie. But the fact that there's a social worker involved makes be think we aren't getting all the necessary info.
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The only way a person is placed in LTC is if they need 24/7 care and no one is willing to give it.

There are two types of POAs. Immediate, effective as soon as principle signs. Springing, needs a diagnosis of cognitive impairment like Dementia. A Doctor or Doctors have to sign off to make POA Springing effective. If Donna is competent, she can revoke Bonnie's POA and assign someone new. You will need to be willing to care for this woman or she has money to pay for round the clock care. Either with aides or going to an AL. I would say the home considers her an unsafe discharge. You will have to prove differently.
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Geaton777 Jul 9, 2024
I don't see where anyone mentioned LTC...
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Good for Bonnie for keeping her in the facility and not allowing you to try and remove her from the facility.
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This is a classic “mind your own business” scenario.

No one dies from “feeling imprisoned”.
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